how to make a (russian) girl buy something
So I went to the mall tonight and actually shopped.
And shopping involves walking which means navigating around those kiosks that are right smack in the middle of wherever you are trying to go. And just when you think you’ve done it, that you’ve successfully gotten past a kiosk and are that much closer to your destination, somebody grabs your hand.
And not just anybody, a salesperson.
And a very convincing one at that.
Usually I tell them no thank you and go on my way, but for some reason this time I stopped. Maybe it’s because he was holding onto my hand, examining my poorly manicured fingers because news flash: I care much more about using my fingers to play instruments than to grow pretty polished nails. And he could tell.
So he went on and on about my hands, the wrinkles and the dryness like I didn’t already know; like I hadn’t spent a lot of time looking at the same hands he was studying now. But then he looked at my face and he stopped because all of the sudden he wanted to guess exactly where I was from.
Because there’s no way it was from here I suppose.
And he tilted back his head in deep thought, willing my exact country of origin to come to him, and meanwhile I was participating in a little countdown of my own. He was telling me to let him think, and I was thinking it was only a matter of time until he arrived at…wait for it…Russia.
And sure enough, I saw his features arrange smoothly in the way they do when someone solves a problem and bam! he looked at me and said it, Russia!, just like that. It wasn’t a question, it was the answer.
And I laughed because I knew he was going to say it. Not because I am psychic but because it’s happened before. A lot. But I told him the truth, that I am a yankee just like him. Actually I didn’t say just like him because his accent was so thick I couldn’t actually be sure that he was a yankee. And I know what you’re thinking–that maybe he’s from Maryland–but no, it sounded even thicker than that.
And then he flattered me. He did it and I knew he was doing it and I let him. He told me I was pretty and kept talking and talking and I got suckered. I knew what he was, that he probably said that kind of stuff to all the girls who came to his kiosk and looked Russian but are actually yankees, but well, if buying some lotion that supposedly came from the dead sea is the worse thing that anybody ever talked me into, then I can live with that.
Because now I feel Russian and pretty and also have some lotion I can give as a gift to a friend and really, what’s so wrong with any of that?
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as anybody, country of origin, hand, kiosk, kiosks, Maryland, matter of time, news flash, Russia, salesperson, time, way
well… look at it this way.. at least it’s better to be seen as someone who looks like they’re from a far away land as opposed to the “drab American” face
Those people at that kiosk are very convincing and he was probably Israeli because they all sound like they brought the stuff here from the Dead Sea themselves. I have some of the scrub and the lotion and the scrub is especially good…Josh got it for me for Christmas a couple years ago : ) It’s so funny to hear you talk about that kiosk because I always get a little nervous when I have to go by that one. I even tell them I already have some as I’m passing by and they still try to get me to stop. There’s no shame in buying something from them, especially because what they’re selling is actually good : )
Well, selling or not, he was right on with the “pretty” part.
I bought from that kiosk before, too. Because they made my finger nail super shiny by polishing it. I was MAGIC!
LOL, i recently got suckered in by that kiosk, too! i was convinced the girl was israeli, but actually, she was polish. go figure. anyway, i LOVE the nail kit i bought…thank goodness! seriously, that buffer thing is amazing.
yeah, he told me his name and said that I can come back anytime and get the whole set–with his employee discount, of course:-)
Yet another reason for me to avoid the mall, though if some huckster called me pretty I might have a different reaction. Glad you feel it, though.
I’d actually love it if some huckster called you pretty in an effort to get you to buy his hand manicure set–lots of funny in that!
They got me once for some eye cream. A salesman at another kiosk tried, unsuccessfully, to get me for the natural heating pad thing; he then used that strange-looking head massager thing on me and told me that it really feels crazy if you’re smoking a joint. He told me I could be his “beautiful model” anytime. Throughout the whole thing I told him I would not buy anything. Now when I walk by, they just smile at me, but at least no one there tries to sell me anything any more. One kiosk down…how many to go?
good for you! I think there will always be another kiosk to grapple with, unfortunately!
Oh Jess, you russian beauty!!!!