what I’ve learned from deer and people
The other day I saw some deer standing in a nearby field.
They were peaceful, still, content. And the thing about me is that I get super excited to see animals in their natural environment. I mean, just today a man knocked on the door because there’s been this stray little wiener dog ripping around the neighborhood lately and he wanted to know if it belonged here. Because he had just seen a coyote standing nearby, sniffing in the direction of the wiener dog. Well, that’s all it took. We pretended to run out of the house in concern for the wiener dog, and there was some of that, but there was also a whole heck of a lot of interest in actually seeing a coyote up close and personal.
The sad part of the story is that I didn’t actually see the coyote. The happy part of the story is that the little wiener dog lived to see another day.
But the deer. They were standing there, graceful and poised and I wanted so badly to take a nice close picture of one, you know, impress all my friends on facebook. So I stealthily walked towards them, wishing I had moccasins because aren’t they supposed to be noiseless? And aren’t they totally in style now too? I kept getting closer and closer, and unbelievably, they didn’t move. I crunched twigs, wore bright colors, and was obviously not a deer, and still they stood there, fearless. It’s like they didn’t get the memo to run; they didn’t understand the sense it made to be afraid.
My camera died before I could take the close-up I was aiming for, but walking back I marveled again at how still those deer were, how uncaring they seemed to be about my encroaching on their space.
It’s because they’ve never been hunted, my brother said. They’ve never learned to fear humans, so why should they fear you?
And something about that has stuck with me; something about that has got me to thinking. I feel like I can identify with the deer. I’ve lived like that: unafraid, innocent of the danger. But what happens once you get the memo about danger? What happens when you realize the pain that close proximity to another can cause?
I know what happens. The deer learn to run. I’ve seen a deer that has been hit on the side of the road; they are some of the most dangerous creatures around because they have been hurt so very badly. They can’t walk, but they can kick and with everything they are they defend themselves, even against those who would try to help. Because by then, it’s closeness that they are trying to avoid at all costs. It’s closeness that has them in this wounded position in the first place, and so it’s that same closeness that they will never allow to happen again.
I guess what I am saying is that I don’t want to be like the deer. And I don’t think I can be ever again–not like the deer who have never been hunted and I don’t so much want to be like the deer who know to run at the first sign of a bright orange vest, either.
I’d like a third option. I’d like the ability to recognize good for what it is; to take it in and breathe it deeply as it breaks me down in the best way, as it teaches me to stop kicking long enough to find out if maybe, just maybe it’s help that’s crowding me this time.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as bright colors, closeness, coyote, day, deer, dog, facebook, moccasins, nearby field, pain, sentimental/inspiration, wiener, wiener dog
Jess, I just love being in nature, seeing God’s creation at its best. It is absolutely healing.
I have to believe there is a third option for you, Jess. You’ve always been the one to believe the best in people, to believe that God brings good endings, that there is hope. I don’t want you to become the deer caught in the headlights, although you may feel that way at times. Realistically, I don’t know how God brings beauty out of ashes. Some things just seem too difficult. But that’s why He’s God and we’re not. I’m going to sit back and wait for Him.
from your mouth to God’s ears, mom:)
Great post. A couple of points.
1) It might not have been obvious to them that you are not a deer. You were walking very gracefully.
2) It’s sad that the one-size-fits-all believe-the-best trust in you has been damaged, but also probably valuable because, just as the deer need to learn – some people can be trusted (like you, in regards to them) and some cannot (like a hunter!). So I guess the challenge to to still trust some people while being on guard against others.
it’s especially sad because I got that one-size-fits-all believe-the-best trust on sale at Kmart during one of those awesome blue light specials.
I’m just not sure I’ll be able to find that kind of deal again.
Maybe you can pick up a new one at the Scratch-N-Dent at BEST next time you and Pop go.
yeah, but even if it’s smart it won’t be Kmart smart.
this brings tears to my eyes..yesterday, i was driving on route 1 and all of a sudden cars were swerving out of the way and driving really slow and i looked to the left of me and in the left lane, there was a car stopped and a deer just laying peacefully in the left lane( which was crazy for route 1)..the deer had been hit , and people were trying to help it and all the while it just sat there, looking so still..then as i kept driving i saw other cars pulling over on the side to make sure the deer was okay. it started me thinking about how every time i have seen deers hit in the past, they have gotten up, angry and run away. and even though i knew maybe this one just couldn’t walk at all..i still thought ” wow, this deer is so hurt, but laying there so peacefully and people were so close to it…and then i started thinking about life and how when we are hurt, it feels so much easier to run ..to avoid closeness at all costs..( at least thats what ive done in the past)..and i feel like i learned so much from seeing that deer..that sometimes, i need to just be still even in the pain and let people who are safe and care about my well being get close to me..even though i would rather run..it’s so interesting the things we can learn from God in nature..btw, i LOVE reading your blog so much!! thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts:)
wow, sarah–thanks for sharing YOUR beautiful thoughts! that is pretty amazing about that particular deer being so peaceful there (hopefully it wasn’t just a brain injury or something! j/k:)). I love how we really can learn from just keeping our eyes open and watching the story unfold in nature…
Jess, you are a dear. I pray God guards your mind and heart while you wait on Him during this difficult time.
Love the fancy new website, Jess!! Especially the turquoise. Still praying for you, lovely lady.
Well, what you’ve learned from deer and people is all well and good, but I’d really rather you write about what you learned from the Deer People. Now that sounds fascinating.
well, the first rule about the Deer People is that there is no Deer People…and that’s all you’re gonna get out of me.
I love the things that can be learned if you just open your heart a little to hear what nature is saying… Thank you for sharing this.
And I love the website! Very cool.