it’s not all good, but some of it is even better than good

I guess that’s what blogs are really about anyway, huh?

Stories, I mean.

Sharing yours, specifically.

And I would go so far as to say that everybody wants to be known in some way. And no, I don’t mean being famous. I mean everybody wants to have someone else glimpse into their soul and be told that we’re not lacking.

But we are.

I mean, it’s true that we need God. I know this intimately, feel it in the slow and steady reacquainting with life that I do every morning lately. I open my eyes, and though I don’t recognize much, I do see that this is Life. Just like my first performance was. Just like letting my grandaddy squeeze my hand till it hurt but not wanting to say a word because I knew he found some comfort in it; knew that he liked to look at me and see a reminder of the wife he had loved. Just like my wedding day and the photos that remind me still that it happened.

And just like all the parts I don’t remember so well; the parties and polite conversations and the times I decided to roll over and fall asleep when, really, I could have made some sort of effort that produced more than simply another full 8 hours of rest.

It’s all life and it all matters and when we tell people about it that helps too.

So when I found myself at a story sharing with a new friend tonight, it made sense. Of course there are people brave enough to walk up to that bare stage, grab a mic, and talk.

About themselves.

In front of so many strangers.

With the only caveat being that the story is true, the details real.

And though I insisted to my friend that I could never do that, that the very idea was somewhat terrifying, isn’t that the way we live our lives? No, there aren’t usually microphones involved and yes, we’re generally given more than five minutes at any given time to open up, but don’t the things we choose to do, the conversations we cobble together with each other, and the dreams we cradle and wake up to in the dead of night–isn’t all of that the story that we are telling?

And don’t we all want someone to tell us that it’s a good story?

And as we’re weaving this tapestry sometimes it feels like we’ve been stuck on that same darn color for a very long time. We wonder what exactly God had in mind. What kind of artist uses so very much orange or blue or red or however it is you paint your pain anyway?

And it’s not till later–till we see the burning sun so bright and warm and smack in the center of it all, a light that you didn’t know possible, that you couldn’t have even dreamt had you known how to try–that you finally see the reason for all that yellow.

Or all that orange.

Or all that whatever it is that hurts so much right now.

And God, it’s a good reason. And no it doesn’t make sense because when does a mystery ever do that, but you cannot help but see the brilliance, be warmed by the glow that is all around you, and then be taken by surprise as you start do something so simple.

Because it’s then you finally say thank you, and though you’ve said it so many times before, this time it’s like your heart and your head and your mouth have all finally attended the same parties and church and schools and they totally agree on the issue that life is good.

Because it is.

Posted by jessica on Jan 12, 2010 | Subscribe
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as , , , , , , , , , ,

6 Comments

  • Life is good…even when it’s hard and it hurts.

    Sometimes I have to remind myself that things won’t always be this way and, even though it has been such a long dark night, darkness must give way to dawn. So, I hope for the dawn…while I learn to find my way in the dark.

  • Mom says:

    I remember decades ago someone sharing in church–we were a very little church at this time meeting in a living room–that our church’s story would look like a bunch of knotted threads, disjointed colors, tangled patterns. But that was the underside of the tapestry. If we turned the tapestry over, looked at it from God’s perspective, it turned out in reality to be a very beautiful piece of work. Your blog reminded me of that.

  • peaj says:

    It is strange how you can spend years, as you say, on one color, you wake with it every day, you think “God, I am just this tired of this, can we at least have something different?” And then you get something different and it is something even deeper and more distressing, burnt umber in contrast to the mustard you were struggling through. But then one day you wake up and the burnt umber has a swath of teal across it, and as you go along you see that even if it isn’t gone, it has been obscured by other colors. Not so much in your face. And so I decided to just forget about the burnt umber.

    I still don’t know the reason for all of the distress or what the final resolution will be. But, by God, my life is so much more wonderful and full of light than it could be. We all escape as through fire, and my cares and sorrows are nothing compared to those of others, nor compared to what goodness God has planned for us. Nor even, in truth, the goodness he shows to me each day that I often take for granted.

    Thanks for the reminder to say thank you.

  • Christine says:

    It’s a great place to be where “all of you” can say with assurance “life is good”. Not because it’s easy or makes sense but just because if we allow God into every part then something beautiful will always rise above the somethings that are not so beautiful. This made my heart glad to hear (read) you say this.

  • jason says:

    Man Grandaddy really did squeeze your hand hard sometimes, didn’t he? I had completely forgotten that.

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