orange t-shirts and why I hate them
Recently I opened my inbox to find this header for an email:
Hi friend…Can you be trusted?
And after smiling at the fact that none of my real friends would send me an email with that as the subject–I mean, certainly not now, anyway–it reminded me of something that my brother Jason and I had discussed a little while ago.
We’d like it if the dangerous people in the world, the ones who will hurt you and count you as dispensable, would have to wear something in order to kindly give the rest of us a heads up.
We specified that they wear a bright orange t-shirt.
But that could be negotiated, I suppose.
And you know that song, And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love…? Well, we could sing something similar, something like:
And we’ll know they aren’t safe by their orange shirts, their orange shirts…
I think that’s a great plan, actually.
There’s just one problem.
See, in the end, we’d all have to wear those orange t-shirts. Because the fact of the matter is that all of us hurt each other. And though some would definitely be awarded brighter orange t-shirts than others (in fact, I could hand some out personally, if you’d like), we’re still all lumped together as being imperfect. Beautiful, yes. But dangerous, definitely.
So this presents some kind of problem for me.
I’ve never had an issue with trusting people before. I generally believe what people tell me, take it at face value. I’d like to live in a world where that is possible. Believing people, I mean. I’d like to live in a world where promises are words that are binding, made of stronger stuff than the precious medals we pay so much for.
But I don’t.
And if I didn’t believe that before, I’ve learned the hard way. Somebody once told me that I can never really understand others’ pain because my life has been so perfect but I can tell you for a fact that if that were even remotely true before (though I am not convinced it was), that has definitely been taken care of.
Don’t you worry, I’ve got it now.
I think I’m starting to comprehend what this whole pain phenomena is all about. Is there a union to join? Some kind of card-carrying club I can be a part of? Sign me up. Heck, most nights are free anyway–I’ll go to your meetings and I’ll sell your cookies or whatever to raise the funds.
Because I totally and enthusiastically get it now.
But this lesson–I don’t want it to be the final say. I’ve been in contact with some people who have, for me, worn the brightest colored orange t-shirt that they make, but I’d still like some other lessons to crowd out this one.
I’d like to trust. God knows, that’s the truth.
But I’m scared. God knows, that’s the truth too.
So which will win out? Fear or trust? That’s up to me, I guess.
But in the meantime I am going to try to wear any color shirt but an orange one, metaphorically speaking. I’m also gonna leave a pretty wide berth between me and those who are wearing those bright orange tees.
It’s not personal. I just don’t really like the orange t-shirt look anymore and really, after what I’ve been through, can you blame me?
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as brother jason, Don, email, fact, God, Heck, hi friend, Jason, orange, orange shirts, precious medals, real friends, something, world
My name is Jessica and this is a nice, quiet space that I like to cram with words.
Hey, Jess. I just want you to know that I’m really sorry. I don’t know what else to say- but I am praying for you. I love you!
thanks so much, Susan–I really appreciate it:)
Oh, I love the color orange!
Couldn’t the shirt be printed with the words, “I will hurt you.”, or, “I am not safe.”, or have printed on it the international symbol for poison, instead? Regarding the “perfect life” comment, someone actually said something similar about me…namely, that I was a “golden child”. Meaning, I guess, that I had some sort of charmed life and nothing bad ever happened to me, so I couldn’t possibly understand other people’s pain/difficulties. I KNOW that wasn’t true before but, just in case there is some sort of sliding scale, it certainly no longer applies!
I know, Kathie–I like orange too. Perhaps the poison sign will do just fine:)
Something bad happens to everyone that they consider really terrible. And there are always people who have it worse.
I agree that we all would wear orange shirts. And really, I don’t think mine would be duller than the ones of those who have hurt me the most.
When I got hurt by those I trusted, I was at first wary of trusting again. But over time I just kind of faded back into opening my heart to people. I think that it is just who I am. So yes, it is up to you whether you trust, but I don’t think that it will necessarily take a lot of work; I think that as you pursue the Spirit of God that you will find the appropriate level in the appropriate time.
Jess, I’m sorry if the last paragraph of my post above makes it sound like I think that this pain is something that you can shake off in some short period of time or that it will be easy. I didn’t mean it like that. I just see you on this arc that will bring you to a place of appropriate trust. I pray that it is easy.
What really constitutes a worse situation? Each person has their own situations that seem like a personal hell and their pain is just as real and, well, painful, as someone in a seemingly “worse” situation. Betrayal by the one person who vows to not betray you is, in my opinion, one of the worst pains there is.Once someone has traumatized you so severely it IS extremely difficult to trust again. It just IS. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that either. I was hurt a lot as a child and now people have to earn my trust. I don’t think that is a bad thing at all. It is taking care of yourself.
I don’t disagree with you Mer. In my short two sentences I was trying to counter the attitude of “you’ve had it sooo easy” that some people have given Jessica and Kathie. I agree that everyone (at least, everyone that I’ve ever talked to) has been through pain that they feel is a personal hell, and so I think that it is demeaning to tell anyone “you don’t know what pain is like.”
At the same time – well, I guess I shouldn’t presume to speak for everyone. For myself, I know that even when I have felt simply horrible, I know that there are people that have it even worse than me. This week, all I have to do is look to Haiti to see a lot of them. This thought has helped me with some perspective on my own pain.
What color shirt should I wear if I want to send this message: “I’ll try really hard not to hurt you and if I do it’ll hopefully be accidental and in the end I’ll try to make the kind things I do outweigh the unkind”??
And I agree with Merry, trust should be earned. You don’t want to assume the worst and be so closed that you’re actually hostile, but people should prove their heart before they get access to yours.
i agree with Jason.. that’s the kind of message i want to send..i also agree that trust should be earned..and in some situations it does take a lot of time, and that’s really okay. when trust has been crushed in a very horrible way, it takes time to heal and time to trust..and there’s nothing wrong with that..you have a beautiful heart and i pray that you feel God protecting it for you and leading you towards safe people who love you and want the best for you..
yeah, I think it does take time…and also a balance of being able to see people’s heart towards me…It’ll be okay. Something my counselor has said helps: In time I will say I was in hell, but I’m better now.