my news, good and bad.
The good news is that I got a whole new set of sparkly, springtime colored bobby pins; the bad news is that I am not actually five years old.
The good news is that my mom bought me a bailey’s irish creme cupcake; the bad news is that my pop ate it first.
The good news is that my mom then gave me her coconut cupcake; the bad news is that it was not the bailey’s irish creme cupcake I had really been looking forward to.
The good news is that my mom knows the rules of restitution; the bad news is that, according to her, my pop now owes me four cupcakes. I suppose he will have to become The Cupcake Fairy along with already being The Milk Fairy. And then I will have to have a party in which I invite a few friends to help me eat my plethora of cupcakes and, oh yeah, help me keep fitting in my jeans.
The good news is that I have really been doing my part in going green by only averaging about two showers a week lately; the bad news is that you are now probably judging me. Oh, and it may be that much more difficult to ever start dating again unless I up my showers to at least three per week. Maybe even four if we’re talking clean hair more often than not.
The good news is that I sent off my bling in my mail-ordered break-up box today; the bad news is that it has come to this: a couple of pieces of jewelry that used to mean the moon and back and now simply mean a check and a bad taste in my mouth. Yep, coulda really used that cupcake.
The good news is that my stylist waved something of a magic wand today and got rid of my roots; the bad news is I’m thinking he’s not in love with my super magic blond hair since he’s already discussing with me ‘the plan’ to go darker again. Something about carmel. But don’t get all excited cause I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean candy. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t have told him I was ready today.
The good news is that I saw a raccoon up close at a friend’s house tonight; the bad news is that his tail was somewhat shorter than normal and kinda skinny, too. And I got the distinct impression that he was aware of the fact cause he kept hiding it behind the wooden railing.
The good news is that tomorrow is Tuesday and it’s a nice, new Tuesday that hasn’t even been written yet; the bad news is that Tuesdays can sometimes make me think of that Tuesday. The one I barely survived. The one that reminded me about how life isn’t at all the way I planned it and sometimes The Worst slips off its disguise and looks you squarely in the face right before it moves in, whether you’re ready or not.
The good news is that that Tuesday will never happen again; the bad news is that that Tuesday happened at all.
The good news is that when I saw one of my friends today, he noticed how I couldn’t stop smiling; the bad news is that sometimes I remember all of the things that have recently transpired and it turns my smile off like a light. And if it’s a night like this, when the moon is remarkably absent, it can start to feel pretty dark out there.
The good news is that me and Shane agreed on a band name, finally; the bad news is that somebody else agreed on that band name back in 2008. They even got a myspace page. For a day. Just one day. But it’s still there and it’s still keeping us from being The Janes, like we were trying to be.
The good news is that I had tasty thai food tonight; the bad news is that it was tasty and spicy and thank God for milk that is ready and available.
The good news is that I am already in bed and it is already late; the bad news is that I am too tired to keep writing, so I think my report is now finished.
The good news is that I thought of just one more thing: the bad news is that it is that I looked at the word ‘news’ and suddenly forgot how to spell it. Is it really just the pluralization of the word ‘new’ as in ‘new and shiny’? How is that so? I even googled it. Sure enough, it’s right. And sure enough, I’m tired.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bad taste in my mouth, blond hair, cupcake, God, irish creme, magic wand, mail, mom, news, Shane, today, Tuesday
I gotta say, I really like the name “The Plain Janes” or even the “The Mary Janes”
Who is this stylist and why does he have to have an opinion and a plan for you, anyway?
Yes, well we are thinking of perhaps adding something to ‘The Janes’ to make it unique to us…and this stylist–he did say that he loved the blond on me–but I guess he just wanted to let me know that he has other ideas for me too. But he did mention some red and I just don’t feel like a redhead, as lovely as they are.
Sounds like Jess has a stylist that is an artist and not just a technician, no? Artists look at their canvases and make plans.
yeah, he takes his job really seriously, which I appreciate.
i like the mary janes too!
Jess this post had an amazing ability to make me smile then have a smile switch off (in your words!) to smiling again….. you are a great writer….. and I reckon that as its ‘tuesday’ your papa owes you at least triple the number of cupcakes – seriously! Are the cupcakes from that awesome cupcake shop on main street – I miss that place!
thanks, Clare! You are so sweet! And yep, the cupcakes were from Sweet and Sassy on Main Street–love that place:)
The Good News: You are awesome. The Bad New: No bad news…only good.
BTW, that stylist should be okay with what you would like to do…its not their hair, right?
why, thank you Rachel! And yeah, he is okay with it-he just likes to think ahead, I think:)
This looks like a post that could go on forever. I’m glad that your ultimate fate is to have all good news triumph over all bad news and I pray that even now that the good news would steal the power of all bad news.
Poor self-conscious raccoon!
ooh. my ultimate fate sounds pretty darn good. thanks for reminding me of it!
The Good News is that you are my friend, the Bad News is that I haven’t seen you since Nov. 15!
Oh, my—Nov 15! Quick another date to change the Nov 15th one!
this makes me smile! I miss you toooooo!
jess..great post!!!! that is sad about the cupcake..i hope you get another one soon:) and i can make some more of the butterscotch chip cookies for you ,too:) ( soft ones:) i hope today is a good tuesday..with many joys.
girl, those cookies were some of the best things I’ve ever had! and thanks for being so sweet about me “trading in” that last one for a softer one, lol. I don’t mess around when it comes to cookies!
I LOVE restitution…..if Pop does what the ancient scriptures say to do—in some cases, pays back 4X the amount of cupcakes…or in one part of scripture, 5X the amount of cupcakes, trust will once again reign and you may just want him to steal your cupcake once again!
TRUST ONCE AGAIN RESTORED!!!!
Pop may be the milk fairy, but I think I’m the Restitution Fairy. If more people actually did restitution, life would be so much pleasant!
Also, I find I dread Tuesdays myself. It’s a good day to eat cupcakes!
You are my kind of fairy.
haha mom, you’re totally The Restitution Fairy!!! Love that.
If Pop does restitution, trust may be restored, but Jessica’s digestive system will be obliterated!!
which is why friends would have to help me eat all those cupcakes…
Are there any good songs about Tuesdays? Maybe there is a song-writing opportunity here?
I think you’re right…
Hahahaha – awesome post! I loved it! Wished I could read more! (Not like, have the ability to read more – just have more to read!)
How about, “The Jane Effect”?
Hmmmm…I am now discerning that I have become a hapless victim of the Great Nefarious Cupcake Plot.
See, this is how I figure it: A cupcake box is out in plain view on the counter (coulda been PUT AWAY!), emanating overpowering cupcake fragrance. So naturally, having been told by one “Mom” that a cupcake had been purchased for me, I presume that one of the temptress cupcakes (cupcakes are female, right?) is mine. So, naturally again, I carefully rip open the box and select what I assume is my special cupcake, it calling to me with its creamy icing locks flecked with green sparkling somethings. So naturally again again, there being no markings of identification on any of the aforementioned tiny cakes, making them all up for grabs as far as I know, and with no note of direction or commandment to me in sight, I eat it.
Now, it turns out, given the amazingly re-discovery of some ancient restitution principle that suddenly applies directly to me in this isolated case of innocent thievery, I perceive the fullness of the elaborate plot so intricately hatched against me. It is obvious, is it not, that by cleverly trapping me into eating the “wrong” cupcake, Jessica (and perhaps other co-conspirators?) has maneuvered me into a place of unbearable public shame where only a minimum of four replacement cupcakes will atone for my wholly accidental tresspass! That one delightful little cake (and yes, Jessica, it was D E L I C I O U S!!!) must suddenly become 4 or 5 of herself or my reputation will be forever ruined in Bloggersland. I believe–am quite convinced in fact–that I was set up by those whom I thought loved me, naively fell for the heinous ensnarement, and now must pay through the nose in cupcakes (what an image…)!
Help me, fellow Jessica’s blog repliers! How can I get some justice here?????
a). methinks he doth protest too much.
and
b). One CANNOT “carefully rip into” anything, least of all a box full of precious cupcakes. It is an oxymoron!!!
As innocent as you seem, I think you need to buy 4 cupcakes and move on with your life. IN fact, buy 5 and send one of them to me out here in CA.
First, I am concerned that you feel a need to genderize your cupcakes.
But second, I offer myself to purchase said cupcakes for you Pop, you who cannot pay your own cupcake debt, and so fulfill my messianic fantasies.
Showers are overrated!
you’re right. especially when there are so many better things to do–like write music or go outside!!!:)
Great post! I like the good news/bad news concept. And isn’t that such a strange phenomenon when words that are so familiar and common (like “news”) suddenly seem like they are dangling in your mind with no context at all? It’s so weird like some kind of selective and momentary word amnesia.
yeah–that happens sometimes. I remember as a little girl writing a thank you letter to my mimi and sitting there, stumped by how to spell the word ‘as.’ I finally decided on ‘ass.’ Ummmm good thing my mom always looked over my letters before I sent them off!!!
LOL. That might have been a shocker.
yes, though I think my mimi might have gotten a little kick at it!
wait, that should be a kick OVER it, I think. Ugh. the right preposition really does a make difference,