sariel.

So, the day the awful truth that just about changed everything came out, my brother Jason’s response was to immediately buy a plane ticket and fly from CA to be here with me.

He showed up the next day.
He had something close to a mullet, but it was actually kind of a nice distraction from everything anyway.

That Wednesday night we talked. And talked and talked. We saw that great changing of the guards in the sky; the sun took over and we were still talking.

And sometimes I couldn’t talk. Because I was sobbing so hard. And there was nothing to do but breathe and wonder if anything would ever be good again. And it was in those moments that Jase would grab my hand and squeeze the center of it between his thumb and middle finger. He would squeeze so hard that it hurt, but I knew what he was doing.

And it hurt so much that it helped.
Because it was a good kind of pain for a change. It was the kind of small and focused pain to remind me that, despite how it felt, I wasn’t alone. And if I forgot that again, I only had to look for the source of this small pin-prick of hurt and see my brother right there with me.

He was truly my angel.
And yes, I have had a few angels over these past months. Many of them with the last name Latshaw, and a few of them not.

But when Sunshine, my sister-in-law, asked me to choreograph something new for her company to perform at the Delaware Dance Festival, I was suddenly inspired. I had been listening to Halo recently and had thought of Jase. I knew that the piece needed to be about pain and hurt and help and love; I also knew that it needed to be something about an angel.

So I found the name, Sariel, which means Angel of Guidance and it was like I recognized it, the whole meant-to-be factor was so strong.

The Delaware Dance Company performed it tonight and they did a great job. I actually got a little emotional while watching it, just ask my friend Christine.

Anyway, here is a little video of it. I hesitate to put it up here because when art is reduced to being put in a tiny box it’s never so good as it is when it’s live. But see, I really want my brother Jase to see it.

In fact, he never even knew about it cause it was kind of a surprise.

So, here’s Sariel. And it’s dedicated to Jase and how he squeezed my hand to life that night.

Oh, and the girl at the beginning has an ipod and headphones. She’s trying to escape into her own world. Then the angel person removes the headphones, shows her the music is still playing after all, and the world isn’t all bad either.

So, here’s another version. It’s closer cause it’s the tech rehearsal and I could get all up in there with my camera. Don’t feel pressure to watch both, but I couldn’t decide which to post, so here they both are, I guess.

Posted by jessica on Mar 14, 2010 | Subscribe
in Loved Ones, Performance, video
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