my brother and his banana. seriously.
Oh man, where to start?
So I saw a movie tonight, in the theater.
It was me and some really cool guys. I actually crashed a guys’ night out I’m pretty sure, but I think my brother Jonathan feels sorry for me an awful lot, so I got an invite too.
Anyway, we saw Clash of the Titans, which was fun because, well, I love Greek Mythology. Oh, and there was this weird alien desert guy who everybody called Gin, but it sounded like they were calling him Jim, so I just thought of him as Jim and it made me laugh. A lot. Because how funny would it be if the one alien-thingy in a movie where the humans all have names that are on the fancier side–like Perseus and Andromeda and Cassiopeia and Io–is the one with the normal, every day name like Jim?
But enough about Jim.
I want to tell you about when we went to Friendly’s afterward.
And well, we each get our ice cream sundaes, of course, but Jonathan–now, he springs for a banana split. He’s like that. Always wanting to mix fruit with ice cream and such. Not me as much, unless we’re talking pinkberry. But sadly, that’s not around these parts so I haven’t been able to talk pinkberry for a while, much less eat the stuff.
So we all get our ice cream and Jonathan tries one of his two bananas and we all watch as his delighted anticipation quickly turns to horror and disgust. He puts his banana in my face (I know, the jokes that could be told here are endless…but don’t worry. We’ll get to that) and asks that I try it too.
I tell him that bananas are pretty much always disgusting to me, that I eat them for medicinal reasons or when I am very hungry–neither of which apply at the moment. So Jonathan reaches his banana across my face in order for Christian, who is sitting on the other side of me, to take a bite of it. Someone mentions that this moment should be documented with a camera, and Jonathan then decides it’s too weird, so he just hands his banana over for Christian to have at it.
Awful, Christian agrees.
And then we all tell Jonathan he should talk to the waiter about it. Which is what happens next. But talk about an ice breaker, because right as the waiter gets to the table, Jonathan blurts out:
Have you ever actually tasted your bananas before?
And then we all lose it. We can’t help it. Alex is dipping his head in shame, literally covering his face with his hand. I am laughing outright (of course). Christian and Joe are stifling their laughter, too.
But none of this deters Jonathan.
Because then he grabs his banana, thrusts it in the waiters face, and dramatically splitsit in half right before him. Lucky for him, the banana makes the kind of cracking sound you’d only expect from plastic when it breaks–and it quite obviously is a horrible banana.
The waiter tells him he’ll get him two new bananas right away (without answering Jonathan’s question, mind you). The discarded banana is left on the table between Alex and Jonathan, and Alex, after finally removing his hand from covering his face, takes some wax paper and wraps Jonathan’s banana up for him.
So of course, Jonathan has to mention that his wrapped banana is now just sitting idly on the table.
And then, when I ask him if he actually ate some of his horrible banana–before he decided it was horrible, I mean?
He simply looks at me and says,
No Jess, I never swallowed!
And so we all lose it, all over again. And I’m pretty sure there are a few seconds when I can’t breathe at all, I am laughing so hard.
Oh my, oh my.
And now a few of you are offended.
Sorry.
Kinda.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones
as Alex, Andromeda, banana, brother jonathan, Christian, clash of the titans, course, cream, face, Gin, greek mythology, ice, ice cream sundaes, Io, Jess, Jim, Joe, jonathan, Perseus, perseus and andromeda
hahaha, I love it. This reminds me of this time that I was riding on a merry go round and I thought it would be funny to ride the giant chicken sidesaddle, because I was pretending to be a victorian woman. And then over the loud speaker the voice of the attendant booms, “Sir, sir, please, will you straddle the chicken immediately?!”
hahahaha that’s hilarious.
but seriously, jase. would you just go and straddle the chicken, already???
um, and how is “because I was pretending to be a victorian woman” just casually mentioned in that comment as if it’s totally normal?!
Oh come on, let he who has NOT pretended to be a repressed victorian woman throw the first stone.
(this is me throwing the stone)
Oh wow. I can’t breathe. Straddle chicken. Victorian woman. Latshaws.
well now, I think this can be narrowed down to JASON latshaws…:-)
“Lucky for him, the banana makes the kind of cracking sound you’d only expect from plastic when it breaks–and it quite obviously is a horrible banana.”
How is it that any banana can make a cracking sound? Bizarre!
You guys are crazy! Including Jase, the repressed Victorian woman!
Did you like the movie? How was it?
I had a really fun time watching the movie! I mean, it’s not like the best thing I’ve ever seen, but it was enjoyable! And I know–that banana really was awful and really did make that cracking sound! Crazy:-)
I can honestly say that the banana cracked like plastic. I really thought Jonathan was just being a banana snob, but then he cracked it in half! That sound was unbelievable. I have no idea how they managed to get a banana like that. It was like the fake plastic deserts you get at places like PF Changs, but this one was real.
I know, Joe! I was afraid it’d be like america going into Iraq, proving to the world that they have weapons of mass destruction, but finding none!! But then that banana cracked in half and Jonathan was totally vindicated…thank goodness…:)
WOW so many sexual innuendos, nevertheless, seems like a fun day!!!! I like that word (random aside) innuendo! LOL
yes–innuendo is a good one! and I know, JR-LOL, indeed!
Jess!!! this is soooooo funny!!!! im glad that you had a good night!!!!! and some great laughs:)!!!!
Yes, there were a lot of laughs…I was glad I went (and glad that I didn’t order a banana split)!
LOL!! That SO sounds like something my friends and I would do.
By the way, when I saw that title, it reminded me of how my co-worker has decided that since the grocery store put her cans of soup on top of her bananas when they bag them, they are racist. See the connection? Me either.
bagging soup cans on top of bananas is as clear a racist statement as they come. Which is why I make sure never to do that. Any of it. I don’t even bag groceries–just because of that correlation…
Hilarious as always! And people think pastors are these sweet, innocent people
Good thing they can go to my blog to find out the dirty details!!!
That was so fun. And what really struck me as funny was the question – I mean, that is a question I can guarantee that waiter has NEVER been asked before. “Have you tried your bananas recently??” Like it’s a part of their prep before they start serving every day—”Got to try the bananas!”
And also, I thought it was funny how, as the waiter approached, I tried to circumvent the whole thing whispering, “Jonathan, be nice…be nice” And then WHAM!!! “HAVE YOU EVER TASTED….” Jonathan was all in his face! It was hysterical!
And one more thing, just to document, not that anyone is reading my mile long comment anymore (except Jess of course) – what about Joe’s whipped cream? Jessica and I, upon seeing Joe’s sundae, immediately commented on the sparseness of his whipped cream. To which he replied something to the effect of, “Looks great to me!” And then he turned the glass around…turns out they had only put whipped cream in one spot—and then proceeded to put that spot facing Joe—effectively tricking him completely!!!
HAHA. What a night.
I know! Jonathan seems to have no problem stating his mind these days–and can you blame him at all???
And Joe’s whipped cream–hahahaaha–it was so strategically placed that, had we not mentioned it, he may have never known how gypped he had been!!! And then his reaction to the truth was hilarious too…Such a good night!!!
Haha I read your whole comment Christian and that is hilarious.
This story makes me so happy. I felt like I was there… cause it sounds like the good old days…
Darby, you would have fit right in…and maybe even been laughing harder than me!!!
Grr! i tried so hard to make a smiley face that wouldn’t turn into the creepy one!
It doesn’t matter if you draw a line for a nose or not– they both end up like that….
Words to live by, my dear…;-)
Oh man, I take my banana very seriously. I was totally prepared to just ask for a new banana, but then something just rose up inside of me. I mean, I just couldn’t believe how truly awful and almost other-worldly bad this banana was. And I just wanted to know if this guy had actually subjected himself to the same kind of torture that he tried to feed me. Hence the question, “have you tasted the bananas lately?!”
I then proceeded, while shaking the banana at him, to plainly describe this banana as the worse banana I had ever, in all my 31 years of life, attempted to eat. And it wasn’t just a bad banana, it was a WRONG banana. A bad banana is overly ripe, too soft, and blackened. This banana was extremely hard and un-food-like. Ew.
And I was not afraid in the least when I split the banana in two to demonstrate just how wrong of a banana it was. However, it was a thing of beauty when it snapped in two, making a loud cracking sound. Ah, pure justification.
Finally, it was pretty funny how he quietly came back with a new banana sliced in two on a piece of wax paper! Did they run out of plates? Since when do waiters bring food out on a flimsy piece of paper? But it was a thing of genius when Alex wrapped the wrong banana up in the wax paper, leaving a nice little gift for our waiter.
Haha Jonathan, I can see that you are still quite passionate about your banana. As you should be, of course; as you should be…:)
Oh man, sorry I am so late catching up on this. This is even funnier than Jason’s story about trying to join Document by playing saxophone! So sorry I missed this night, but thank you for sharing, I am in tears laughing! :0)
yeah, chris–you woulda been a perfect addition!!!