jo march and me.
Today I wore my hair in two braids.
Okay, so I could honestly say that sentence every day since Wednesday of this week. It’s just that I’ve not been able to braid my hair for so long now, that it was quite exciting once I realized I’ve achieved braiding length.
Exciting enough to last five days.
And tonight, I was unplaiting them before bed and suddenly felt like one of those lovely girls from Little Women. Only my braids were so short that I could only be Jo–after she had gone and cut her hair off and sold it in order to bring home some money for her family.
Except my reason for cutting my hair was not quite so altruistic. A Chorus Line wanted my hair short, so four hours and four hundred dollars of their money later, it was. And gone was my ability to wear braids.
But not anymore.
Thus, the five days worth of braids, I guess. Consider it my version of catching up.
But back to Jo March. I think I identified with her because she was a writer and a dreamer and generally lived her life appalled by the thought of settling down to some sort of status quo existence. She spent her nights awake later than was proper, spelling out the stories that lived within her, and her days with purple shadows under eyes and ink stains on her fingers.
And everyone thought she would marry her neighbor Lorry.
Even I hoped that she would, while watching the movie.
Though this may have had something to do with the fact that Christian Bale played Lorry and well, I thought he was cute.
But she wouldn’t be with him like that.
She couldn’t.
So she didn’t.
She cared tremendously for him, but there wasn’t that spark of recognition when she looked into his eyes, I think. There wasn’t the dreamer’s and co-conspirator’s acknowledgement; the realization that not all who wander are lost, as JRR Tolkien said, and so maybe they would spend some time wandering together and not minding so much that the destination was unclear as long as the story along the way was something to write home about.
And then when she met Friedrich–another writer; a German one–it’s like she came home, I guess. And you know, I hate to admit it, but I was shallow enough to mind. And part of it was because the actor who played Friedrich was not nearly so winsome and handsome as Christian Bale and I know, I know, I know: who cares?
Me, I guess. Or at least me then–and in my defense, it hadn’t been all that long since I had watched him in Newsies, and fallen a little in love with him as the singing and dancing tough-as-nails orphan who went as Cowboy and dreamt of Santa Fe. And I guess the other part was that, upon watching this story, I was a little afraid that I was doomed to marry an unattractive German man whose accent would confuse my parents and who would constantly be apologizing for both World Wars when he wasn’t writing poetry and generally replacing the th sound with a grand old z sound.
Blame it on my identifying with Jo March, but the thought struck me and no, I did not relish it.
Oh, but life has taken me down some paths I never chose, but found myself walking anyway since then, and now Friedrich looks like a sweet walk in the park. And more than that–I think he and Jo had a similar view on life.
On magic.
On the point of it all and how it’s chiseled and defined by every living moment. Even the ones where it feels like nobody is looking. Even when we’re listening to the radio and suddenly somebody whom you’ve never met is singing about the father that he never met and your heart breaks a little and you’re more aware of life in general and there being a point to it all.
Or when you read a text and it’s a friend telling you in May that she’s already thinking about your birthday in June and tears are forming in the corners of your eyes because you never thought this birthday would be good–not since November, at least.
And as silly as it sounds, you’ve been stealing yourself for the worst since then. Thinking that this year would be hard and terrible and something to survive–certainly not something to celebrate!–but here it comes, another milestone and here are your loved ones, wanting to help you celebrate and you can’t help but see that yes, there is something worth celebrating after all.
And there it is, again: more of that point to it all.
And I think that’s why Jo fell in love with Friedrich. I think he got it or maybe he got her but anyway, they were the kind of kindred spirits that surpassed some of the things otherwise known as barriers. Even silly ones like accents. And being German, in general.
Though I still don’t want to be with Friedrich, per se.
Which is why it is a very good thing that I am not actually Jo March, I suppose.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as Christian Bale, Friedrich, hair, home, ink stains, jrr tolkien, life, lovely girls, March, proper spelling, purple shadows, Santa Fe, something
Jess, i love this post so much! i love that you can have braids again!!! ( i love your hair short, too, but i know the feeling of wanting my hair to be longer:) i love that you felt like Jo..because i love the innocence in that movie so much..i know there is sadness and pain in the movie too, but there is such an innocence and something that is so neat is that you have always had an innocence in you..and even in the midst of the tragedy and pain, you still have that innocence and that purity..and you have a strength too..one that has stood in the fire and has not been burned..you, my friend are amazing. and i am so happy to be friends with you. and i am very happy you were born and very happy your birthday is just around the corner:) i cannot wait for it!!!!
you are so sweet, sare! and thank you for saying that about innocence–it’s easy to feel sometimes that it was stolen from me…and as for my birthday, I think it will be a good one, after all–thanks to you and some others!!!
Love this post, love you.! And yes, this year IS a year of celebrating…..celebrating awareness, discernment, freedom and grace. And celebrating YOU.
thanks, mom–I really appreciate you and your determination to make me feel special:)
I think so much of what I didn’t like about Friedrich was that he was the Sheriff of Nottingham from the very recently released Robin Hood Prince of Thieves at the time – it just seemed so weird that Jo would marry that evil despot!!!
But great post, and I’m so glad you have many many things to celebrate – and I’m really excited about celebrating many of them with you. In fact, I know you won’t be here for your actual bday, but shortly thereafter, so we should figure out something super special to do!
Oh man, so right! Obvious choice: the dashing Cowboy from Newsies or the horrid sheriff of notingham from robinhood???
And as to doing something superspesh when I come out there–not gonna argue at all!! Maybe a surf and turf, topped off with something to do with calamari (I remember eating a lot of that with you that one summer we got to spend Mondays together!)–and maybe if we’re really lucky, we’ll run into Bambi and Baby all over again!!!
That feeling of hair finally reaching the braidable milestone is great! And poor Jo, even as a little girl, reading Little Women, I was so frustrated by the ending, it just didn’t seem right. Actually, poor Laurie. Jo got what she wanted.
And poor Alan Rickman, he really is a great Villain, and the Sheriff of Nottingham ruined the end of Sense and Sensibility for me too, initially. But I got over it, cause I like him. But I don’t LIKE him like him. Especially after playing Professor Snape and all…
Oh–so that’s how you spell Laurie!
And yes, throw in professor Snape and game over for him in terms of any of romantic lead!!!
I like Christian Bale, but I do like Gabriel Byrne (that’s the name of the guy who played Friedrich in that version of Little Women), too! Must be the accent! Also, I loved him as D’Artagnan in The Three Musketeers!
I really like Alan Rickman, because of Sense and Sensibility and Truly, Madly, Deeply.
I’m glad you said that Kathie, cause I didn’t remember Rickman playing Jo’s guy, but at the time when I saw that movie (high school), I’m not sure I really knew who Alan Rickman was… I figured Jase was right, being the movie lover that he is. Of course, he might still be right, and I am thinking of the wrong Robin Hood production!
I enjoy when comments turn into conversations! And Jess, I’m not 100% on the spelling of Laurie, but I think his name might have been Lawrence? Been awhile!
Yes, I must have confused Sense and Sensibility with Little Women and thus confused Jo March with Kate Winslet’s character and THUS confused Rickman with Byrne! I’m SO CONFUSING!!!
Oh man-he was D’Artagnan? I think I need to watch that movie again, cause it’s been a while:)
And Alan Rickman’s SUPER DEEP VOICE kinda scared me a little in Sense and Sensibility–but still, he had a good, kind heart, with is worth its weight in gold.
And yep–Emily, I think it must come from Lawrence, too! And didn’t they also refer to him as ‘Teddy,’ as well, sometimes?
Jess,
Here’s the thing. Jo was Louisa May Alcott and she never married. She wound up a nurse and died without meeting that guy. (Her sister May was the artist that drew on the walls of the house. The horse hair pillow was a real pillow and her dad was a serious socializer who tormented Nathaniel Hawthorne.) And here’s another thing – Christian Bale has been accused of beating his mom and sister.
We don’t see clearly. Jo, bless her heart, saw Lauri for who he was and knew to steer clear. I don’t know if I have her insight. A friend of mine got divorced from a beautiful (on the exterior) opera singing man and her mom said after the divorce that when my friend married him, she had stars in her eyes and her head up her ass. I think when I find myself interested in someone, I get the fuzzy headed, world is great glow and miss all of the warning signs.
But you don’t want Fredrick nor Lauri and especially not Christian Bale. You want God’s man. The man who will love you and pursue you the way God loves and pursues you. I look at other people’s relationships and say, “I don’t want that relationship. I don’t want that woman’s husband. But what I want is my relationship and my husband.”
The truth is, I want to love and be loved. I’m not sure that God has that for me in my life, but I’m learning to be okay with that and do all that He is placing before me. No matter what those obstacles and future joys happen to be. I will love God and be loved by God.
The thing is, I don’t even know Christian Bale! So yes–I certainly don’t want him…but I also find characters to be very life-like to me, so I don’t know anything about Christian Bale being accused of beating someone (terrible if it’s true!), but I liked the character Laurie AND I liked the character Cowboy from Newsies…
But yes, I don’t actually want Christian Bale. And I agree–to love and be loved is the ultimate. And we do have that with God. Always.
Thanks for the comment, Kim!
Jessic, I love this post! I remember feeling exactly that way about the story of Little Women, too! I thought that Jo and Laurie should’ve been together the first time I read it–and DEFINITELY after I watched it (for the same Christian Bale crush of which you spoke). But then I had the flu this past year, and I watched some old movies. I watched Little Women again, and this time I understood it so much more. I was happy that she found someone that was inspiring, challenging, and interesting to her. I didn’t quite get it at the time, but you’re right; marrying Laurie would’ve have been security, status quo, what was socially normal. She chose to live her life with passion instead; she chose to believe in that life could be extraordinary and exceptional. I think it takes strength and faith to believe in that kind of life, and even more to live it. I’m glad that you had the courage to choose to keep believing when all seemed bleak. You’re living an extraordinary, beautiful life, and that certainly warrants celebration, indeed.
beautiful, insightful words, Linds…And thank you for describing my life so generously–it’s heartening to read and believe me, it doesn’t always feel that way.
Ok first, Christian Bale in Newsies stole my heart too and I have to admit that I actually have it on VHS and have watched it as an adult and know the dance moves (not that I look good doing them) and the words to every song. Jon makes fun of me (but he knows the words now too)
Second, I have thought of you on your birthday every year since we were kids even though we hadn’t seen each other in years and years. That is because you are a very special person who has been the sister of my heart since I was a child. Your birthday is not about celebrating who you are dating or married to or any other life status, it is about celebrating you. And what happened in November doesn’t change how special and wonderful you are, so remember that your friends and family are celebrating you, your birth, your life, how special you are and how you have touched so many people in your life – not your marital status. And I will be thinking of you on your birthday as I have every year.
Jamie, I need to tell you that I LOVE that you still have Newsies on VHS AND that you (and Jon! ha!) know all the moves. I bet you guys look great!!!
And as to you thinking of me and the very kind and beautiful words you wrote–thank you. So much. What a lovely heart you have and I appreciate you pointing it my way in such kindness.
Before I make some reply comments here, I’d like to point out that the comments section is quite heavily dominated by ladies–with the exception of Jase, who is always one to jump into any discussion and not scared away by something called ‘Little Women’ when he is, in fact, a man.
And I love him for it.
I’m hoping to write my own sequel, can call it “Large Ladies.”
well it better be total fiction, cause I don’t know that any of us would wanna be your inspiration for that book, jase!!!
and not can.
but you CAN.
The character’s name is Theodore Lawrence, which explains both nicknames.