you’ve come a long way, baby.
Yesterday marked six months since Drew and I broke up.
And shortly after, I remember hearing from one of my good friends that a mutual friend of ours asked if Drew and I had broken up. She said it like that: did they break up? Like we were in high school and relationships were more like musical chairs than anything else. At the time, I found that term so strange. How does something break that was never supposed to, I wondered? It’s ironic. Like the Titanic, billed as the ‘unsinkable ship.’
And it hurt like hell.
Yes, like hell. Or at least the closest I had ever been to hell on this earth.
But then one could wonder how something that was built on such a faulty foundation managed to stay together for that long, anyway. It’s like walking across a bridge and, once you’re on the other side, you notice that it’s sagging. Which wouldn’t be that terrible, except that it’s a suspension bridge. And now you’d rather not live your life in that kind of suspense anymore–the kind that leaves you waking up wondering if this is the day the bridge is just gonna fall and take you down with it.
Like what almost happened.
So you decide not to ever go over that bridge again. You hope the bridge gets fixed, you really do; but you cannot risk your life on it.
And now it’s been six months, which is incredible. Both because it’s weird to think about how life was and now it’s even weirder to think that life wasn’t always like this. And I am not sure, exactly, how one is supposed to go about celebrating a break up like this, but what I did was quietly text my brother, letting him know it was six months.
To which he said: Wow I can’t believe it’s been that long! In some ways it seems so recent. How are you feeling about it? What a crazy six months.
Which was an understatement, to say the least.
And I thought about his question before telling him the truth: Feeling grateful. Both because I’m not with him and that I never have to live through that winter again.
And then he gave me a good and a Me tooooooooo!!!!! yes, with exactly nine ‘o’s’ and five exclamation points because that’s what we do around here when we want someone to know we’re serious about what we’re saying.
Or, I should say, texting. When we’re serious about what we are texting.
So, right. Six months. So grateful. Life has so much color and I can’t help but appreciate it. I can’t help but live reverently here, because look at it.
It’s good, right?
Right.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as break, bridge, drew, faulty foundation, hell, life, musical chairs, mutual friend, something, suspension bridge, unsinkable ship
Yes, indeed, life IS good…and worth reverence…and celebration…so glad you are here to revere and celebrate it, Jess!!! Much life and many blessings to you!
Thanks, Kathie! Agreed
On all of the above!!:)
Here’s to the next 6 months being EVEN better!
I will raise a glass ( that happens to say “my life rocks!” thankyouforthat!!) to this!!
The colors of your life are more vibrant every time I see you. I wish that you and I could have more time to talk, but we both are busy people, with other friends. I just want to let you know that you are doing awesome. You are finally free. I see those shirts from the Women of Faith conference, and it makes me think of you. “Finally Free.” Here’s to the next 6 months bringing more colors, and amazingness(is that a word? well, it is not, because you are amazing!)
Finally free.
Yes, totally.
If that had a like button, I’d click it!
Thanks, Rachel–so very very much!!
Quite honestly, 6 month ago it felt like everyone I loved and cared for was trapped on that bridge too, and below were hungry alligators and great white sharks snapping their jaws at us, and the bridge was actually severed on one side and we were hanging on for dear life.
I cannot believe the progress that’s been made in the last half year, it’s a miracle. For you, for the other ones injured so critically. And all the peripheral players in this insane drama, too, because it felt like this thing was a hungry grenade, just wanting to devour and explode so many vital relationships. It’s incredible to me just how many people – with you leading the way in this strange parade we never imagined we’d be a part of – have emerged with this adage being true, “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”
haha, great white sharks. of course.
I know, Jase, I know.
I never saw how life–or definitely some of these relationships!–could ever be good again…it’s truly a miracle to witness how life is actually beautiful…thanks for being such a part of that:)
wow..i cannot believe it has been six months..you truly have come such a long way..i have never witnessed such a tragedy before and i am amazed by how you have responded to it..it is so true, ” that which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”…you, my friend are a beautiful representation of that quote!!! im SO happy that you are on this earth and cheers to this next six months ( and beyond:)) being amazing!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks, Sarah! I, too, am happy to be on this earth–it’s a very amazing feeling and I am grateful:) And I am especially happy to share this earth with you!!
Jess..i am so very happy to share the earth with you too..!!!:)
Six months! Sometimes it seems just like yesterday and sometimes it seems like years ago, maybe even in another century on another planet.
I realize the 6 months have been difficult enough that said brother now uses exclamation points liberally. I remember a time when exclamation points were frowned upon—but that was before the importance of exclamation points were realized!!!!!
Glad these 6 months are over. Glad for the goodness of God’s grace, but glad it’s over.
“Six months! Sometimes it seems just like yesterday and sometimes it seems like years ago, maybe even in another century on another planet.”
True story, mom. Sometimes I can hardly even believe that it’s ONLY been six months. I mean, it feels like an eternity ago–a different life time, at least.
And yes, exclamation points are very valid sometimes!!!!!!!
Haha, it is true. Pop’s liberal use and general affection of exclamation points was the main target of my teenage rebellious years. But you know, better that then his ethics or faith or anything.
I don’t know if pop still tries to shimmy exclamation points into songs, but I still refuse to use them with lyrics…!