dusk and boots and being known.

I tried to go blend in with the sky and the earth tonight, right at dusk.

It seems that I cannot experience that time of day enough. I read a book once in which dusk was called the time between times and it was then that our world was most easily accessed by magical creatures from another world. And I think I can see why. I think that when the sky grows soft and dark but still glows with a luminescence that feels otherworldly, I cannot help but gaze in wonder. And it is then that my words become a prayer, even if I did not intend that in the first place. It’s just that I cannot help but feel Someone listening. And then he’s encouraging me with the beauty I see all around me and I know that life is good.

I’d bet my life on it; I do every day, in fact.

And then I see the fireflies.

And they shine and they sparkle and they light up my atmosphere with flashes of brilliance and tonight they made me think about diamonds. But here is the thing about diamonds: I do not like them so much. Not anymore, anyway. I love them for my friends, who wear them with the sweetest pride. I love how they weigh down their ring finger just like they weigh down their life with a promise that is an anchor, that is a reminder that though the storms will come, we will not be moved from here, this beautiful place called ‘us.’

But now I look at diamonds and they seem cold. They are distant. They are every body else’s story. I do not know that I will ever wear a ring on my ring finger again, but if I do, I have a feeling that it will not be a diamond.

But what do I know about that, really? I do, however, know that my mom said something hilarious today. We were all in the car, my brother and pop and mom and a dear family friend–along with myself–and Jonathan and I were teasing this friend, Lamie. But not for long, because my mom stepped in with a doozy.

But before I tell you this doozy, you have to understand that my mom is kindness itself. She is a counselor and would probably try to help the devil himself to find the ‘next best step‘ for him, were he to come to her in genuine need of advice for a life lived better. She is also encouraging. Very much so. And she has been especially so to me and Jonathan in these past months, since both of us have been on a journey that seemed, at least at one or two different points, to be leading to hell.

Anyway, my mom jumps in and says,  Lamie. My kids are WORTHLESS.

Which is a pretty strong and weighty word. I mean, worthless. Worthless! Well, you better believe that just as soon as she realized what she actually said (she claims to have meant to say ruthless), she burst out in laughter to the point of tears. And we all were quick to join.

It was so funny. And these misunderstandings that suddenly land you right into the world of Totally Absurd are sometimes the best stuff of life, they make me laugh so hard.

And another thing: my parents got me some yellow rain boots for my birthday. And I love them so much that I was wearing them while cleaning my room tonight. Along with a t-shirt and some underwear, don’t worry. And every time I looked down at my feet I got all happy. And I was thinking that it’s good to be known. I mean, there are people in my life who truly know me, who see me. And I don’t think you gauge this solely by the gifts they give you, but I think that I have been given some fake plastic rocks that act as bookends and I have also been given yellow rain boots. Or a series of small, polka-dotted journals. Or a painted picture. Or a poster of the paper janes. Or a small storybook on a chain to wear around my neck. Or a vase with a turtle climbing up its side. Or a planter with two small doves perched on its rim. And I can tell you that the fake plastic rocks were given to me by someone who doesn’t know me and doesn’t get me and that’s okay, but it’s a vast difference from those who do.

And again, it’s good to be known.

Specifically, by the kind of lovely people who make this world brighter and kinder.