Normal is good. So is extraordinary. And so is a great white shark.
Oh! I get to ride one of the double decker trains into the city.
This makes me so happy, I could clap my hands. Not every train is a double decker, you know. And so I must make the most of this.
I wonder if the Swedish girls who are a few seats ahead of me and talking loudly realize that these kinds of trains are not exactly commonplace. I wonder if they realize that THEY are not exactly commonplace. I hope the answer is yes on both counts.
There was a man who asked me for some money while I was waiting in the train station. I was alone. Well, I was until he came up to me, that is–and I tend to be skittish when I am alone at night, in unfamiliar places. And so I didn’t even let him finish his question before I quietly said no and walked away. I feel badly about these kinds of things. If I had not been alone, I would have listened. If he had been a woman, I would have listened. I suppose I have heard too many sad stories and I have too many things to do instead of becoming one more.
Still, I always walk away from these scenarios feeling guilty and scared. I usually try not to let either of those feelings motivate me, but in these cases, the fear wins.
I am now two for two in terms of days in which I’ve had a migraine. I don’t understand why this is. At my doctor’s request, I have spent time in the past trying to figure out what, exactly triggers them, but the common triggers are things like dark chocolate and red wine. Have I mentioned that I hate dark chocolate and red wine? I know, I might have to give back my Woman Card for this, but it’s true.
I’m hoping tomorrow comes and goes without a migraine. I will be sure to stay away from dark chocolate and red wine, just like I do every other day of my life.
Pretty soon I get to hang out with some of my roommates and dear friends from ACL. Ian and David make me laugh and we are all pretty good at making fun of this wonderful thing called life. You can do that when you love something, you know. Tease it. And so we give life a hard time, but only because it knows that deep down, we are grateful.
I am selling my wedding dress; I hope somebody buys it. It’s quite beautiful and I cannot help but feel sorry for the poor thing. It is not its fault. The fact that it’s a fraud now, I mean. There has been so much collateral damage as a result of last fall and winter that it should just feel a part of the club, but still. It’s a very pretty thing and I hope it can go on and have a better life with someone else.
I arrive in the city in forty five minutes now, and I feel sort of excited. I don’t feel very excited much these days, but my therapist says this is normal. She also says it’s temporary and I think this one of the few situations when I am grateful to hear that word pertaining to my life.
So many things are temporary when they shouldn’t be. But me feeling only kind of excited when I remember feeling very excited–I don’t mind this being temporary at all.
My therapist says I’m normal; my friends say I’m extraordinary, despite what has happened to me. Both are so kind and I try to listen to their words and let them build me up like the ladder my brothers and I would climb from our lookout, as we guarded our fort. Perhaps that ladder will allow me to climb and I will find the vantage point that’s nice and high. The far-seeing one.
And now I will leave you with a few lyrics. Darby, my niece lyric, and I sang a new little song the other night in the darkened church. Darby was at the piano and Lyr and I were snuggled on the ground. And we sang:
Special, three special ones in the dark.
Special, special like a great white shark.
So spread your fins and swim;
Swim till the water’s edge–
Because we’re special.
Oh and then we laughed and the church reverberated with the sounds of three special ones laughing and I think it was not so unlike praise and I think god rather enjoyed the sound of it.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as clap my hands, dark chocolate, great white shark, swedish girls, white shark
Jess! I LOVE the double decker trains!!! I TOTALLY understand the excitement!! Seriously…it makes me soooo happy when one of those comes down the tracks.
Have fun in the city, I’m totally jealous, I LOVE NYC and it has been TOO LONG! (think I can put a few MORE words in caps?!) I’m sorry about your migraines, I hope tomorrow is pain free..I have been plagued by almost daily headaches since I was a teenager and it’s no fun…and don’t worry, I ALSO (;)) hate dark chocolate and red wine. 
I’m so glad you share my enthusiasm for the double decker trains! Perhaps we could ride one together some day!!!
And Janine–that’s terrible about the constant headaches. That seriously puts a major damper on life. How do you function? Do you take drugs? Luckily these past few migraines have not been as terrible as some in the past, so I’m grateful for this:)
Sometimes I can ignore them(the best that I can) with no meds, other days I pop ibuprofen like it’s candy. I tend to have to take more than most because I’ve sort of built up a tolerance to it by this point. I don’t enjoy taking so much, so I try to just deal with the discomfort and pain if I can, some days that goes better than others
And some days the headaches are terrible and I have trouble getting through the day, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do…they can make me rather dizzy at times if they get bad enough, but that is fortunately not something that happens everyday.
Things like stress and tiredness can cause them to be worse, so I try to avoid those things (yeah right!)
And I try to drink caffeine, as it helps…and you thought I just drank soda all the time for fun!
All in all, it ain’t fun, but it’s life, and hey I’m sure it could always be worse!
True, I am sure it could be worse, but still–headaches are pretty much a drag. I am so sorry that you have to deal with them–and I am gonna pray that they get better, k? And when my knee was bothering me during ACL, I totally popped ibuprofen like it was candy too–not fun!
I just have to say…. how in the world does a GWS (great white shark, for those in the biz) spread it’s FINS???!
Well, to go along with our song’s theme, the GWS has to be a very very special one for it to accomplish the task of spreading it’s wings.
Oh I am so sorry about the migraines, Jess! I remember a few years back when we were in Boston and you were so incapacitated by a migraine that we had to go back to the hotel…I felt so bad for you. I am prayerfully hoping these migraines stop soon.
About your special little song…I think God revels in our joy and laughter
I remember that too, kathie, and I felt so badly for keeping you and my parents from exploring Boston! I know none of you blamed me, but still–what a bummer!!
I am sorry to hear about your migraines…as a patient of the hospital often says, “Migraines are no dice.” This is also a kid that has them chronically, but gets infusions to keep them away…I pray that this does not happen to you…
Selling the wedding dress must be bittersweet…but not to worry, it will make someone else very happy. It is probably glad to see that you are moving on with your life, and being the awesome person that you are.
The story and the lyrics about Darby and Lyric made me get teary-eyed. I am turning into such a girl. You are awesome Jess, and loved by so many. I hope that you know that!
Oh yeah, I know that I am not musically inclined, but I can play a mean tambourine…if you need me, I am here for you.