not a sad song tonight.
My heart is full today.
So full, that you might even say it’s heavy.
And so I needed to go. Just go. It’s hard to explain, really. But there’s something about hiking outside that puts a tiny chink in whatever armor is holding in that heavy feeling in my heart. As I walk, I can feel my heart get lighter. And then sometimes I cry, too, and that seems to help. Like once again, it’s another chink in that armor of sadness. And tear by tear, it drains away.
Until I found myself sitting at a little stream. I listened to the way the water sounded like a mama saying Shhhhhhhh to her baby, reminding that baby that it was gonna be okay; you’ll see, little one.
And I will see.
Sometimes I already do. And sometimes I don’t, but that’s okay because looks aren’t everything. Not in a person and not in your life. But still, they certainly do help.
I got back home and decided to write some music. For a while, nothing was coming. Sure, little bits–but nothings that begged to be made into a whole song. I kept getting stuck in minor chords and I was there, repeating the same rhetoric since November last and frankly, I felt tired of it.
Sort of tired of everything.
But not the sky. Which is why I had to sit at the window for a while and watch it get darker; watch the nighttime perform the gentlest, most peaceful coup ever as daylight just sort of stepped out the back door and didn’t mind the break anyway. Let nighttime have its chance, it doesn’t take away from the day just like somebody else singing their songs detracts nothing from you singing yours.
And then finally, I went home. I still felt restless inside, but on the walk home I felt a new melody drop into my head. And it was all, There’s more where that came from. Come on, Jess, just listen. I’m here, talking. Just listen and then write down what you hear.
So not to argue with a melody, I did just that.
And it was a nice break from the sad songs that have been my constant companion these past months.
It’s a sweet song and I like it, I think.
But enough talking about it, here you go–a little rough version of the thing that begged to be made in a real song, much like what Pinocchio the toy boy (not to be confused with boy toy!) did with Geppetto.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as armor, chink, constant companion, heart, home, Jess, little stream, minor chords, new melody, Pinocchio, song
Beautiful post and beautiful song..so true that looks aren’t everything..once things can be so very dark and in a second the light can break through and everything is new..thank you for sharing your heart and your songs..i love both!!!
Thanks, Sarah–and yes! The light–it changes everything in a moment, doesn’t it?
Jess, you are beautiful. I love how all that God has worked into and out of you just spills out into music and song and dance. It is grace, peace, pain, sadness, joy, beauty, vulnerability, strength…so many things…the bitter and the sweet…each made better because of the other…woven into the beautiful tapestry of song and story and dance that is your life. Thank you for sharing it.
kathie…that is so kind of you to say…it sure is something–the way that all this stuff that feels so overwhelming to gets made into something that I can handle–and maybe even feel grateful for–when I can write it or sing it or dance it…thank you for your encouragement…:)
I completely agree with Sarah, Kathie, and even Tiffany.
Your words and melodies are just lovely. Thank you for sharing.
and thank YOU for listening–and responding so kindly. Always, always, always. You are such an encouragement to me:)
This is amazing, Jess. I miss hearing you sing live so much, and love it even via video. What a beautiful, beautiful song!
thank you for saying that, Anna! I miss getting to sing for you, too–I hope that happens again:)
How lovely, Jessica. Your voice sounds so sweet and raw. By raw I just mean natural and unaffected. I love this song.
Emily, thanks so much. And I don’t mind “raw” at all–I like raw. Heck, I AM pretty raw…I especially was feeling raw when I wrote that song…And I like the way you used it. Thank you.
Jess that song brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful…so very you. It was captivating.
thanks so much, christine–you’ve always been one of my favorite people to sing my songs for; can’t wait till you get back and I can sing them for you!
Beautiful! If you had a CD, I would buy one. And then I’d buy another one for somebody I liked.
that’s so kind of you to say, Hornbuckle (yep, I will take every opportunity that I can to say your magical name!)–and you’re in luck cause me and Shane are making a CD and finished with the recording part of it. Now we just need to mix it and then bam! people can buy them:)
That’s very good news indeed!!
Jess, I LOVE this song. Definitely a keeper.
hehe, at first, i had read “it’s another chink in that armor of sadness” to say “it’s another chick in that armor of sadness.” yep.
I think both apply perfectly to the situation.