this beginning.
Lately I’ve been pouring a lot of myself into something other than this blog. And I’ve felt like every part of me is all used up, telling that particular story. And that there hasn’t been much left for writing songs or sometimes even writing on here.
But then tonight I sat down and it happened. Suddenly everything came into sync and I had something to say in the form of lyrics and a melody. And see, I’ve felt so much freedom lately; I’ve felt all this shimmering light inside.
I remember when my brother Josh miraculously didn’t die or end up paralyzed, after falling from the top of a building and landing flat on his back. He said to me, “There’s something about barely escaping with your life that makes you feel like you should be doing more than watching tv and drinking a root beer.” And now, I think I get that. I really feel like I have this new and beautiful beginning that has been handed to me and man, I feel grateful.
Crazy, right?
I mean, it’s been hell, too–but now I’m not there, I’m here. And here is pretty darn good.
So I sat down and wrote these lyrics:
I don’t understand your games,
and I don’t understand how you determine who’s winning;
and I’ll never be okay with the way you cavalierly
knocked me back to the beginning.And I lay there flat on my back,
but I opened my eyes and I saw the wide skies
above me, as if to say, “I’ll cover you kid, till you find your way.”and I used to long for something they call retrograde;
and I used to long for the home that we had made…
but now I love this beginning.your words are a rabbit you pull out of a hat,
you say abracadabra, they turn into a bat
that you’re wildly swinging and I duck and you miss–
till I realize I don’t have to stay.And I used to feel responsible for every little thing
that you recklessly did, just because of that ring–
then you gave me a gift, all wrapped up in heartache,
that said you can walk away.
(oh, and you can hear the song too, if you want)
in MP3, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful beginning, blog, brother josh, everything, flat on my back, freedom, heartache, home, kid, life, melody, rabbit, root, root beer, shimmering light, story, watching tv, way, writing songs
It. is. beautiful. There is such poignant emotion in this song that reveals that you own your story. You’ve walked through hell, and you survived. You not only survived, but you came through it with an even stronger sense of self and appreciation for life. You are the one writing your story now, and it is beautiful.
I think that, yes, owning my own story again has been huge in the sense that it reaffirmed my sense of self. thanks so much for reminding me, Linds.
That’s really all I have to say.
right back at you!
Here’s ro rebirth and new life. *clink, clink*
Here’s to rebirth and new life. *clink, clink*
Oops! Sorry about the repost! It told me there was post made. Silly software.
I think that’s the kind of toast that bears repeating at least once:)
*clink, clink*
Hear, hear!
i am actually watching tv and drinking root beer…..
haha well you can’t spend ALL your time rehearsing with Alithno, now can you?!
beautiful.
thank you so much, sare:)
woa. i love this song. the boom-chic rhythm seems to contrast the words at the beginning of the song. then, the words at the end of the song explain why the happy feel of the music makes sense with the heavy words because the song itself is a beginning.
i like.
thanks you; that means a lot:)
oh, that ‘s’ was intentional, I wasn’t trying to refer to you as “you.”
omgosh. and “intentional” I mean “UNintentional.”
should be a “by” in there–but I now officially give up.