keeping it real. fo real fo real.
I’ve stopped carrying a purse. I now shove everything I need into my pockets and hope for the best. Considering my purse is being held together by safety pins–and still has big gaping holes in some places (a safety pin is no magic wand, after all)–I figure this is a good decision.
I don’t understand what it is that makes strangers talk to me, but it happens all the time. Just now, when I was about to walk down to the subway, a man blurts out to me, “My wife hates me.”
I stop; those are powerful words, after all.
“I doubt that,” I say. But now that I think about it, I shouldn’t doubt that statement. Many husbands and wives end up hating each other. Love fades so easily. It’s the perfectly healthy, stout little frog that jumped into my very messy closet when I was a little girl. Poor thing had no chance in that maze of clothes with no food or water. I found a sad pile of little frog bones much, much later.
We wonder why, after we’ve hopped blindly into a dark closet–away from any and all nourishment–we find our relationships no longer in tact. Not that I’m an expert. If I’m an expert at anything, it’s finding the frog skeleton. Someday I’d like to find the healthy little frog; someday I’d like to say LOOK! I KEPT HIM ALIVE! And then live happily ever after. I’ll even do the dishes. Well, when I remember. But I probably won’t mow the lawn and I definitely won’t watch tv every night. Sorry, there are just some things I will not do.
The details of our lives are so good at keeping things in perspective, huh? So many people–mostly those who I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting in real life–tell me to please “keep it real.” And maybe these people don’t realize that I am the girl who walks around with a large chunk of cheese in her bag. Sure, it’s because I met friends at Whole Foods for dinner, and, seeing the cheese on sale for $2.79, simply had to buy that along with dinner and then stick it in my bag for the rest of the night–but, the fact remains: cheese. In my bag. All night long. Sexy, I know.
I guess what I am saying is that if ever started to think too highly of myself walking around in my super cool earmuffs that make my ears all squishy and warm, then all I need to do it glance into my canvas bag and see a large and orange hunk of cheese. I mean, I don’t think the glamorous women of the world carry around cheese. I might be wrong. Perhaps Madonna, cheese in hand, would say otherwise.
Also, this: every night I go to sleep wearing a retainer in my mouth.
So, I guess my point is that I have found a dead frog in my closet. Both for real AND metaphorically speaking. I walk around with cheese in my bag. I sleep with a retainer. If those things don’t keep it real, then God help us all.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as big gaping holes, chance, cheese, closet, dark closet, decision, everything, expert, frog, frog skeleton, husbands and wives, little frog, magic wand, maze, messy closet, need, powerful words, purse, safety pin, safety pins
You are real; always have been & always will be. In reality you are a chip off the old block: you both are pretty transparent & don’t put on personas
I mean the old block is Pop!
lol–I knew you meant pop, mom! haha:)
Perhaps the next time a man proposes you should mention that you wear a retainer, carry around cheese, and have a frog skeleton in your closet. They will either be charmed by your quirkiness or slowly..back..away. In Fl we have lizards; green and brown anoles. We call them porch lizards. They are everywhere, and occasionally you find a skeleton in your house. Kinda sad. Oh, and men have been doing the pocket thing for years. That’s why we never carry change. I was in heaven when cargo pants were popular. So many pockets!
yes, that is a good idea–I should maybe just try mentioning those things and see what happens:)
How much more real can a girl be? And we’re talking real artist, not real pop star (I know, oxymoronic). For crying out loud, you respond every fan’s message! Ringo couldn’t even continue that; and he had relatively little else to do.
Two things:
1) what your mom said
2) cheese is to pocket as frog is to closet
thank you; what a nice thing to say. And these things made me laugh:
“Ringo couldn’t even continue that; and he had relatively little else to do.”
and also:
“cheese is to pocket as frog is to closet”
you’re hilarious.
My daughter Madelyn saw your picture in my fb newsfeed and asked who you are. Since then we’ve been listening to your youtube songs while working on a sewing project
Good times. Also, my son Elijah saw your picture and asked if you were a real girl. So funny! They both think you are super pretty too. It’s been fun seeing all the cool things coming your way. Enjoy!
Hi kate! haha am I a real girl?! that reminds me of pinnochio wanting to be a real boy…ugh…forgive me, i am exhausted, so I am just writing whatever comes to mind! But, I love your kids names, btw–and you are so sweet to say such nice things and they are too and I love that you are doing a sewing project with them. You rock.
There are so many reasons we are friends, but the fact that you carry around cheese in your bag is a very, very good one.