shapes of grace
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, video
as anthem, blink, body, burning, burning flame, sense, shapes, sun, sway, way
Don’t you dare give up, my dear
you can’t see through all the tears, but I’ll tell you what’s here
a bright burning flame, a strong sense that you’re so alive
and yes, the sun will rise; you’ll do more than survive
So don’t you judge this life by just one hand
for such cruelty can’t last and his anthem won’t stand
you sing your songs, you go on and hope anyway
and remember you’re more, so much more than they say
And there’s no need to fly away
you close your eyes and you let your body sway
and the world won’t blink, for fear it will miss
the way your body makes such shapes of grace
the way your body makes such shapes of grace…
p.s. I would really prefer that I never ever look the way the video chose to freeze me. Just saying.
a date! and a song!
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as baby bunny, Charis, day, drew, Esther, hugs not drugs, Jason, Larry, life, need of prayer, Ollie, slip and slides, song, time, tonight, vietnamese food, Xerxes
My life is rich.
I mean, look at him.
We went on a date tonight. I agreed to drive since he’s underage and all and when I picked him up he had a lovely yellow sparkly card for me. Yellow. Of course. And inside the card, he thanked me for taking him on a date and told me that he loves me.
Like I said, my life is rich.
He also informed me that he wanted to get me flowers, but unfortunately ran out of time. Understandable. He had a very busy day of slip and slides and play-making, from what I heard over dinner tonight. And really, it’s the thought that counts. Well, at least in this case, anyway.
We went to Ollie’s favorite restaurant and had some amazing Vietnamese food. And then had some ice cream at Friendly’s, which is always perfect, if you ask me. We also saw a baby bunny eating some grass outside and how hilarious this sentence would be if I swopped out eating for smoking.
But hugs, not drugs, baby bunny!
It was an altogether adorable night and I think I might love one-on-one time with people I love more than anything else.
And yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking with a man named Larry on the phone about buying a certain bedroom set that I never do want to see again. We were talking about addresses and what his ETA might be to pick it up when all of the sudden he started talking me through it. What? I know, that’s how I felt too. He was telling me that he had been divorced, too. TOO. You know, me and Larry. So much in common. And that he had gotten through it. And then he told me that he’d pray for me and that’s real nice, it really is, but it’s bad enough getting random Larrys out and about buying your bed, but when they start praying for you too…Well, let’s just say that’s when you’re like, yep. this is my life. take a nice inhalation because this is what it smells like–larry praying for you.
And nope, I am not an ounce above Larry’s prayers.
But seven months ago my life didn’t look quite so much like it was in such obvious need of prayer by total strangers who are buying my bed. Not a complaint, though; just an observation. And I am not crying or anything; I actually think it’s kind of funny.
Oh, and tonight I got home to a quiet and dark house. This might sound creepy, but I kind of like it. Because there was the piano, all begging to be played and it was like, you spend all day with kids and they make you necklaces out of gimp and you wear them! and yet you’re gonna just walk on by…?
So I was like, You’re right, piano. And if you made me a necklace out of gimp, I’d wear it too.
So I sat down and played and then I decided to play a ballad that I wrote for the play my brother wrote that he asked me to turn into a musical by way of adding tunes. And if you are an editor, please, have yourself a field day with that terrible sentence.
And there was one song in particular that strikes a chord with me. Jason emailed me, asking me if I would have a very hard time writing a sad song for Esther to sing; that this song should be something about how Xerxes (which happens to be Drew’s screen name for just about everything, ironically enough) falls very short of his role as husband and how Esther is a woman of worth, despite how she is treated by him.
Do you think you could handle writing something like that? he asked, more than a little tongue in cheek.
So I sat down and wrote it in just a few minutes, it felt. Bam. Here’s a little bit of what’s happened to me, a little bit of my childhood, and a little bit of hope anyway.
It’s called You’ll Know Him. And my niece Charis sure did knock it out of the park when she sang it on stage, by the way.
not a sad song tonight.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as armor, chink, constant companion, heart, home, Jess, little stream, minor chords, new melody, Pinocchio, song
My heart is full today. So full, that you might even say it’s heavy. And so I needed to go. Just go. It’s hard to explain, really. But there’s something about hiking outside that puts a tiny chink in whatever armor is holding in that heavy feeling in my heart. As I walk, I can [...]
you don’t come around here anymore.
in Performance, video
as face, hasn, November, October, song, truth of the matter, way
I wrote this song back in October. Or maybe November. And I was too embarrassed to show it then, because I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t loved anymore. I was still working really hard at pretending like things were good. My face would hurt from the way I’d arrange my features, thinking [...]
change everything.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as art, benefit of the doubt, black, black and white, complexities, douchebag, hand gestures, pop, realization, song, strange things, way
Oh, here you go. It’s a song. I wrote it recently and so far, have only played it for my pop. He seemed to like it very much. But he seems to like most of what I do. It’s the things that I don’t do that he seems to not like as much. Like when [...]
sariel.
in Loved Ones, Performance, video
as Angel, brother, brother jason, Christine, Delaware, Don, Jase, Jason, kind, Latshaw, pain, pin prick, sariel, small pin, something, Sunshine
So, the day the awful truth that just about changed everything came out, my brother Jason’s response was to immediately buy a plane ticket and fly from CA to be here with me. He showed up the next day. He had something close to a mullet, but it was actually kind of a nice distraction [...]
our jam out.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, MP3, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as bucket, bum deal, cadbury, cadbury egg, egg, friend sarah, God, Ian, James, kind, lucky girl, Sarah, Shane, something, three cities
I am tired. But maybe the best kind of tired. And I know, it’s been a while since I’ve been the best kind of anything. I also just ate a cadbury egg, a gift from my friend Sarah. To say I am a lucky girl would be an understatement. It’d be giving too much credit [...]
uh, that’s not the kind of baptism I meant, but okay. It’ll do.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, video
as friend, God, grief, head, Jimmy, life, little gem, package, pouring water, rebound, rest of the night, water
Basically life gets funnier when I open my mouth. Well, that, and more embarrassing. Like tonight, when I was innocently referring to how my friend came over and showed up with a small bag of cookies, but ended up saying this: And then Jimmy showed up with his small package… But then I couldn’t even [...]
lullaby
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, video
as God, hotel, importance of a thesis statement, leather, passive voice, piano, piano bench, something, tight leather pants, time, uarts, video. lullaby
There is a piano at this hotel. It’s funny, whenever I ask the person behind the front desk if I can play the hotel piano, their first response is usually just a flat-out no. And I let them say that. Because I am so nice. And because I have no control over them. But then [...]
how great thou art
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as art, catholic wedding, drew, four chords, God, Grace, how great thou art, hymn, hymns, masters degree, pony tail, Savior, sentimental/inspiration, simple songs, soul, thou, video
Teach me a hymn, I entreated one day while we were driving in the car. A hymn? Drew asked skeptically. Yes, a hymn. I don’t know any, you know. And I didn’t. Well, not unless you count Amazing Grace, which everybody knows anyway, so I don’t. See, I grew up in a church that sang [...]
My name is Jessica and this is a nice, quiet space that I like to cram with words.
