you’re better than that.
in Loved Ones, MP3, Performance, video
as aloneness, beautiful friend, blink, call, conversation, darling, decisions, dirt, familiarity, fluff, friend, hearts, kind, moon, poem, right, someone, something, song, standing, stop, story, today, Untouchable, vulnerability
I wrote this song today.
I was thinking about some decisions I’ve made lately; mostly about who I want to get close to.
And then I thought about a friend I have. A dear and beautiful friend with whom I recently shared a conversation. “You know you’re better than that, right?” I said, after listening to this friend tell me some sad things that some sad people have been saying and doing to my friend. “And you know it’s better to be alone, standing on your own two able feet, than to be side-by-side with people who hurt us more than they don’t?”
But it’s not easy to choose a new kind of aloneness instead of the familiarity of someone–anyone. I realize this. But sometimes it’s when we’re alone that we can make the necessary room for something truly great to fill our lives and our hearts–even if it’s just knowing that we, each of us, are enough.
Darling, you’re better than that; sing, you’re better than him
Sing this song with me now, then take a bow.
Baby, you’re pretty enough, and you know, words, they’re just fluff–
Don’t let him blind you with a poem, when you’re a story you don’t owe him.
So be wild.
So be free.
So be like the moon, so high above it all.
Untouchable by those who cannot see
That you are listening to some kind of higher call.
Darling, you are stronger than you think.
Your heart is broken, raw, and pink.
Your vulnerability makes this busy world stop and blink.
And your tears, they keep watering the earth.
They are pieces of your worth.
Don’t let them wash the feet of those who taste like dirt.
grateful.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as aloneness, California, fun, fun thing, God, hand, jenna, life, Ollie, Pacific Ocean, picture, role reversal, sense of togetherness, sister jenna, thing
One fun thing about leggings is that they have no pockets.
Okay, so that’s not like the most fun thing, but bear with me.
Because see, since they have no pockets, that means that I hand my camera over to other people to store in their pockets for the day.
Thank God not all of us are in the habit of wearing leggings. Although, Jase did admit today that they do look quite comfortable.
But by the end of the day, I find pictures that I didn’t even know were taken.
Like this one, compliments of my sister Jenna.
And there are so many things that I love about this picture. Our shadows stretching out long behind us, mingling with each other. The light spilling out over the mountain, like the sky alone can no longer contain its rays so the mountain steps in to bear some of the grand burden of light.
And the sense of togetherness, too. How we’re all walking in the same direction, resolutely, almost.
It makes me think of another picture. One that was taken about six months ago, out here in California, too.
And I love this picture so much.
But it’s interesting. Ollie’s little hand in mine felt like a role reversal. Usually it’s the adult bringing comfort to the kid, right? But at that time in my life, he was comforting me; he didn’t know it, but he was helping to fight what came over me so easily then: a feeling of aloneness.
And that other picture has a greater feeling of being surrounded. Again, of togetherness. Which is about right, presently.
And these days when people ask me how I am, there’s one word that comes to mind: grateful. And yes, I’m so much more; life is usually evoking more from me than one word affords. But still, when I was showering tonight, washing out the Pacific Ocean from my hair, I couldn’t help but remember how good life is and how it comes and goes, like the waves that beat upon the shore, taking and giving but always remaining mysterious and awesome and interesting and full of magic and when the waters recede, I think I’m still here; when the waters recede, I know I’m still here.
And I’m grateful.
