dear college: I am not Amish, etc.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as admirer, Amish, boom box, caps, college, dear mom, dreads, gosh, kind, lime green, link, mom, pennsylvania countryside, sneakers, swank, technology, television, tenori on, thai restaurant, WANT
Dear Mom.
And Jesus.
And Santa.
(that’s quite a line-up)
I KNOW JUST WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!
It’s called a tenori-on (I linked it again, in case you didn’t catch the link the first time around. Nothing says subtle like ALL CAPS, is what I’ve learned). You can use it to make fat and sweet beats while playing live, friends. Oh my gosh. It’s technology, true, but I’d learn this technology, because I am a huge fan of fat, sweet beats. Plus, it’s not, like, the television at my parents’ house–something I still haven’t quite learned to master. But, believe me, if that thing made fat, sweet beats, I’d have mastered it a long time ago.
Today, a friend of mine from school randomly asked me to lunch. We haven’t seen each other in years. And we were sitting across from each other at this swank Thai restaurant in Brooklyn, when I said, “You know this is more than we ever talked to each other in all four years of college?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I was scared of you.”
“Scared! Why in the world were you scared of me?!”
“I knew you meant business and sh*t. You were always in class, working hard, and I’d show up late with my dreads all wild and my boom box on my shoulder. You don’t think that’s awkward?”
“No, your dreads were cool–I always thought that. Plus, I was a huge admirer of your sneakers. You had great sneakers.”
I looked down at his lime green treads and noticed that hadn’t changed at all.
“Well, I knew you were, like, from the Pennsylvania countryside…And I thought you were kind of Amish or something,” he confided.
“AMISH?!”
“Don’t get me wrong–I thought you were mad cool, I just was kind of scared of you.”
“Well, I think I missed out on getting to know some really cool people in college. I was pretty shy then,” I said.
“You’ve changed,” he acknowledged.
“I got my heart broken,” I agreed. “Plus–I’m not so scared anymore. Of hardly anything.”
“But you should be.”
“Okay, maybe I am–of relationships…”
“Like I said, you should be. That stuff’s scary.”
On a side note, so is the fact that he thought I was Amish…!
Tonight, I just sat and looked at the fountains at Columbus Circle for a while. I was lost in my thoughts when a stranger asked me to pose with him for a picture. It was kind of weird, but whatever. If that makes him happier in his life, then it certainly doesn’t hurt me to smile and sit next to him while his friend snaps a photo.
I thought about a lot of things without really even forming sentences in my head, if that makes any sense at all. I let myself feel. I had a weird conversation with my ex and then a good, kind conversation with my friend. I listened to After the Storm by Mumford and Sons and felt myself hovering in that place that reminds my eyes to cry and my heart to hope and my mind to remember and every ounce of me to feel and not regret and not look back and never stop looking around at this life, humbled and courageous and wide-eyed.
Like the girl that I was.
Like the woman that I am.
thoughts that I pretend to organize by way of bullets.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as Amish, amish man, bagel, buggy, double whammy, horse, horse and buggy, invisalign, jenna, night, Ollie, private conversation
I am going to write down some random things here, so bear with me.
- Today my sister and I saw a cute young Amish man. I write this down because this has never happened before. I am sure they exist–and I am now positive that they exist–but I had just never before actually witnessed it. We were leaving Giant and he was just walking in and Jenna and I were both like, Oh. And then we saw his horse and buggy tied at the sign that indicates if you have a horse and buggy, tie it up here! but it says it with a picture because, in this case at least, I guess a picture is worth a thousand words about horse and buggies. And I joked with Jenna about leaving my phone number on the seat of his buggy. This is funny because he has no phone, you know. Well unless it is in his barn for business purposes but a). calling me, one of the English (as the Amish call any of us who are not Amish), could hardly be considered a business venture. Now I don’t know why I put in an “a).” there because I just realized that I have no “b).” Oh well.
- I have started writing. Started writing? you might all be thinking. But yes, I am writing something of a project and right now it is going all over the place and I am not quite sure what it will be eventually, but it’s this nice little secret that keeps me smiling when otherwise, I’d just be standing in line, about to order a bagel or something. Though the anticipation of a bagel would probably make me smile too. But now I have all these words saved and it’s a work in progress and I can order a bagel, so double whammy reason to smile. This, despite my invisalign, because sometimes that makes me not want to smile.
- My date with Ollie, which I talked about last night, was quite a delight. We had a great conversation throughout the night, some of which was on a more personal level. Which is why when Jase asked Ollie what we talked about last night, he simply answered, “Actually, Daddy–it was a private conversation.”Oh hahaha. Love that kid. Loyal to the max.
- This morning I had a few bites of some of my favorite cereal, only to look down and see a dead moth floating around in the milk. That was quite a bummer; no way around it. I dumped the whole bowl and had to start from scratch again. But you better believe that I thoroughly checked every spoonful before it went down the hatch.
- I need to get some sort of job before too long now. There are a lot of things I do, and some that even bring in some revenue, but I think I need to werrrrq, as some of my dear tour friends would say. So I am wondering what that shall be. I am actually not worried about it right now. Just sort of anticipating an open door and thinking huh. I hope I like it.
- And last but not least, never least!, have you noticed the moon lately? It’s hanging quite low. I think it must be lonely, cause it seems to want to be a part of things down here on earth. And I don’t mind at all. The moon has always been a friend and a comfort in my life. I’d love to have a party that the moon attends; but perhaps that sort of happens every night anyway.
