patience and safety pins.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as apartment, armor, bathroom, buste, c est la vie, gist, green jeans, knight, knight in shining armor, new friend, pair, personal assistant, prospective clients, purse, replacement, safety pin, safety pins, sun, today
My zipper totally busted today. While I was out. Well, I was actually in. In the bathroom of a new friend’s apartment. And I was taking an extraordinarily long time in said bathroom. Because I kept trying to zip. up. my. fly.
So finally I just walked out of the bathroom and explained the situation to her. Though, seeing my fly open probably gave her the gist of it before I opened my mouth.
Enter: safety pin.
Have I mentioned that safety pins are basically my knight in shining armor? They are right now responsible for holding together: my purse, a pair of boots, and now my bright green jeans.
Who needs a personal assistant when you have safety pins?
“The good news is that a replacement zipper costs $10,” my friend told me.
And the bad news is that I’m out for the day and my zipper is busted and a safety pin is reflecting the sun from my crotch, I thought.
Oh well, C’est la vie, right?
I took pilates today with a teacher I’d never had before. And I happened to be waiting for the elevator with her before the class. And she kept hemming and hawing over the length of time it took for the elevator to get down to us. And then she got all frustrated over the fact that it was 6:30 on the dot and the instructor who was presently teaching in the studio had not yet finished. And then she got all mad at the lady giving a tour to prospective clients because she interrupted the pilates class (once it was well underway) by touring it briefly. All this to say: no matter how good the class was, I would have been less than impressed.
Because we are in a world that involves other people.
And they use the elevator, too. And they teach classes, too. And they have to do their job and give tours, too. And I think if we realize this (and if I realize this, because I sometimes get frustrated with the elevator and forget that maybe Suzie on the tenth floor needs it a little bit more than me right now. Maybe she’s got to go to the bathroom. Maybe she has a busted fly and–horror of horrors!–NO SAFETY PIN!) –well, if we realize this, then we start to practice patience. And when we start to practice patience, then all the good parts of life become much more accessible. Not that they weren’t there before in droves–but now we notice them. And, honestly, whether the good parts are there or not doesn’t matter as much, I think, as whether or not we notice them.
So, here’s to practicing patience. And realizing that we share the elevator with a whole building full of people who lead VERY! IMPORTANT! LIVES! too.
And, just to bring it round full circle, here’s to safety pins. Because they sure help when my fly has decided not to.
not a sad song tonight.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as armor, chink, constant companion, heart, home, Jess, little stream, minor chords, new melody, Pinocchio, song
My heart is full today.
So full, that you might even say it’s heavy.
And so I needed to go. Just go. It’s hard to explain, really. But there’s something about hiking outside that puts a tiny chink in whatever armor is holding in that heavy feeling in my heart. As I walk, I can feel my heart get lighter. And then sometimes I cry, too, and that seems to help. Like once again, it’s another chink in that armor of sadness. And tear by tear, it drains away.
Until I found myself sitting at a little stream. I listened to the way the water sounded like a mama saying Shhhhhhhh to her baby, reminding that baby that it was gonna be okay; you’ll see, little one.
And I will see.
Sometimes I already do. And sometimes I don’t, but that’s okay because looks aren’t everything. Not in a person and not in your life. But still, they certainly do help.
I got back home and decided to write some music. For a while, nothing was coming. Sure, little bits–but nothings that begged to be made into a whole song. I kept getting stuck in minor chords and I was there, repeating the same rhetoric since November last and frankly, I felt tired of it.
Sort of tired of everything.
But not the sky. Which is why I had to sit at the window for a while and watch it get darker; watch the nighttime perform the gentlest, most peaceful coup ever as daylight just sort of stepped out the back door and didn’t mind the break anyway. Let nighttime have its chance, it doesn’t take away from the day just like somebody else singing their songs detracts nothing from you singing yours.
And then finally, I went home. I still felt restless inside, but on the walk home I felt a new melody drop into my head. And it was all, There’s more where that came from. Come on, Jess, just listen. I’m here, talking. Just listen and then write down what you hear.
So not to argue with a melody, I did just that.
And it was a nice break from the sad songs that have been my constant companion these past months.
It’s a sweet song and I like it, I think.
But enough talking about it, here you go–a little rough version of the thing that begged to be made in a real song, much like what Pinocchio the toy boy (not to be confused with boy toy!) did with Geppetto.
