change everything.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as art, benefit of the doubt, black, black and white, complexities, douchebag, hand gestures, pop, realization, song, strange things, way
Oh, here you go.
It’s a song.
I wrote it recently and so far, have only played it for my pop. He seemed to like it very much. But he seems to like most of what I do. It’s the things that I don’t do that he seems to not like as much. Like when I don’t vacuum my room. And when I don’t turn off the fan in the bathroom when I leave. Something that I haven’t forgotten to do in a very long time, you’re welcome, pop.
Oh, but this song. It’s called change everything. It’s about art and my perspective and how important the act of making art is to me. It’s about how the world isn’t black and white; I’m sorry, it’s not. And part of that realization has helped me understand that people can do terrible, hurtful things to each other and still love each other. That the two aren’t mutually exclusive, though to hurt someone isn’t exactly being loving, don’t get me wrong.
But we are all many different layers and complexities and yes, let’s try to keep it simple, please, but let’s also realize that sometimes we’re trying our best just to give each other the benefit of the doubt even though the last guy was a total douchebag. And sometimes we’re learning how to walk and we stumble and we fall down and as we do, we accidentally hit each other on the way to a hard landing on the ground. Or maybe it’s not an accident. But either way, not much is black and white when it comes to our hearts and our responses and our views. When it comes to us.
And so here I am. I respond to life by making art and it helps me immensely. I am not sure if that is selfish, but I am sure it’s necessary.
Oh, and I am aware that I do some strange things when I sing. Like hand gestures. But what are you gonna do, I guess.
reading aloud makes me stupid happy. or maybe just stupid.
in Funny Stuff
as abnormal psychology, art, bedtime routine, chance cause, Christian, face, God, Harry, Harry Potter, I. KNOW, Jess, mirror face, Paul, score one, someone, time, volunteer
There are certain things that I get more excited about than I probably should.
Things like walking into the bathroom to perform my get-ready-for-bedtime routine and suddenly realizing that I already flossed today. Major score, one less thing to do.
And oh, what if my get-ready-for-bedtime routine was something that I actually did perform? Like, on a stage? I think I’d be a starving artist, cause not many people would buy tickets. I think that my life-as-art act might be better as life then as art. Although I’ve been told that I make quite a mirror face, so there’s that. Maybe somebody would buy a ticket to see me make my mirror face.
Or maybe not.
Oh, but back to things that make me more excited than is normal. See, I get really happy when someone asks me to read out loud in a group. Of course, I don’t let it show. When they ask for a volunteer, I wait for what I consider to be an appropriate amount of time so as not to seem too needy, and then I casually say, Oh. I guess I will. I mean, if nobody else wants to…But inside, it’s my birthday. And you’re all the guests and oh look! the birthday girl gets to read! OUT LOUD! and bam! she gets to practice her diction and emote through her words–even if it is just a book about abnormal psychology or fear and art or dance history or whatever, cause READING! OUT LOUD! LIKE, FOR REAL! and who needs cake when you’ve got that?!
And tonight, I got the chance. Cause I was at a Bible Study that my friend Christian leads and you guessed it, he asked for a volunteer to read aloud and nobody said anything (I. KNOW. I don’t understand it, either!). So he finally was like, Okay, Jess. I know you want to read out loud. Do it. And I was all, Oh, well, sure. I mean, I guess I could. I suppose I have time to read a few vers–and I was gone. Happily reading out loud.
Until I came across this one particular verse. It was about someone named Epaphrotitus (I might have just spelled that wrong; spellcheck certainly thinks so, but it might not be up on its Roman names. And that might not be a Roman name). And Paul is praising this guy with the name that’s proving to be unspellable, saying that he is living right–for others and God and all that jazz but probably not in that order–and then Paul says this: And then he got sick and almost died.
And cue Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter, because remember how she seems to be laughing all the time? When it is terribly inappropriate, too; like, when some of the best characters in the story are dying, leaving Harry alone. AGAIN. Well, I read that verse–out loud, mind you–like this:
And then he got sick…trying not to laugh here…and almost…starting to laugh here..died…HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
And I will probably never get asked to read out loud in that group again, because who laughs like a crazy person at someone almost dying in the Bible? I mean, who other than me?
The responding silence is noted.
And not surprising.
Luckily, I was laughing so hard that other people started laughing too. Probably not at someone almost dying, though; it was probably more at me. Which is fine. I will have to practice my delivery, I suppose. I will have to learn what emotions go with what words all over again. I will have to be appropriate.
I have a lot of homework.
how great thou art
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as art, catholic wedding, drew, four chords, God, Grace, how great thou art, hymn, hymns, masters degree, pony tail, Savior, sentimental/inspiration, simple songs, soul, thou, video
Teach me a hymn, I entreated one day while we were driving in the car. A hymn? Drew asked skeptically. Yes, a hymn. I don’t know any, you know. And I didn’t. Well, not unless you count Amazing Grace, which everybody knows anyway, so I don’t. See, I grew up in a church that sang [...]
