Mixed news.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as alaskan fishing, audition, backpack, bad news, confusing mess, dancing, fisherman, fishing boat, home, kind, Line, little trunks, mixed news, production, reason, round, sexy show, show, time to go home, today
The good news is that I auditioned for a production of Chicago today and stayed till the end. The dancing was fun and felt good. I felt like I sang it for real, for real–like to my potential. And I have to say, the line, Oh I’m no one’s wife, but–Oh, I love my life!–well, I do enjoy singing that. It feels good to be able to mean it, you know? But the bad news is that I did not have time to go home and grab clothes for my capoeira class after the audition. And have you seen Chicago? Um, it’s a sexy show, y’all. Black fishnets. Little trunks over them. Little black shirt. And honestly, that’s on the modest side of what some of the girls wear while auditioning for that show. But that’s what I ended up wearing to capoeira. Embarrassing? Yes. Will I remember to grab pants next time? Yes. Did I look ridiculous? Definitely.
The good news is that people are very friendly round these parts. I appreciate this; how nice and social of them, you know. But the bad news is that a lot of the particularly friendly ones are guys and they say they “want to get to know me” and I “wonder what that means (I just felt like quoting that, too, for some reason).” And I kind of know what that means, but I also don’t want to assume I know what that means and it’s all just a confusing mess and next thing you know he’s putting his arm around you and you’re very uncomfortable and you also have this distinct feeling that you are not in Kansas anymore.
The good news is that I figured out what I wanna do when I grow up as soon as I heard about this blogging fisherman girl (man girl? oxymoronic, I know) who works on an Alaskan fishing boat for three months out of the year and then lives off of those earnings doing whatever it is she pleases for the rest of the year. The bad news is that the only thing out of that list that I am even remotely qualified to do is blog. And I don’t think I’ll ever be a man girl. Which is actually okay with me.
The good news is that I want to travel. Around the world, I think. Live out of a backpack. Limit myself to four outfits, even. “And only two pairs of shoes?” my friend Betsy asked, incredulously, while we were discussing this plan last night. “You think you could do that?” she wondered. I nodded solemnly, as the amount of shoes a girl has is nothing if not a solemn subject, I think. But really, I own barely anything right now. Which means that not much owns me, if you think about it. I am freer than I have been in a while. So maybe I should go see some of the world. I mean, maybe. The bad news is that I am not sure I should do this alone. So, we shall see what God dreams up.
The good news is that tomorrow is half-off day at the salvation army thrift store. What-what. The bad news is that I’m probably gonna be too busy to stop on by.
The good news is that I went to my friend Clyde’s gig last night here in the city. Oh, it was lovely, and a kind of reunion for A Chorus Line folks, too. The bad news is that they all had reason to ask me, “How are you doing?” You know, with the head tilt. The softened and lowered voice. The indication that they know it’s been hell and they’re sorry. But I’m gonna round this one out with another bit of good news and say that I could honestly tell my friends that I am doing well.
You hear that, world? Well. I told them about peace and I spoke about it like it was a close friend of mine, rather than a distant land I dream of. I told them about how I’m growing like a weed, but maybe the kind of weed that makes flowers, because I feel my heart opening, opening, opening up to the world again. Maybe even blooming. I told them about how there’s so much grace here. In reality. In acceptance. And I couldn’t help but smile.
That’s been happening a lot, actually, which is, I suppose, more good news.
on hugs and hand-holding.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bad news, city, dancer, dancers, dancing, echelon, good bye, grandchildren, hand, home, hug, immediate family, kind, love, musician, nobody, paragraphs, Philly, sentence, ten commandments
Can I just say that dancers and musicians really know how to hug?
There is one Philly musician who, whenever I see him, sure gives me a real good hug. It reminds me of seeing one of my dancer friends in the city. They don’t mind squeezing. It’s altogether different than dry and brittle church hugs. Those can be nice, too, but you get the feeling that nobody really squeezes for fear of breaking something. Probably one of the ten commandments.
Actually, my family isn’t really known for our hugs. I didn’t grow up hugging that much; certainly not every day. Luckily, I started going away to dance camps and such when I was twelve and so we all had to start hugging because that’s the kind of thing you do when you say good-bye to somebody who is about to travel miles and miles away and dance. Well, the dancing part is optional, but the traveling? That earns you at least one hug. Actually two, cause you get another one when you come home.
And now I’ve written two whole paragraphs and one lead in sentence on hugs. I really didn’t intend for this to happen, you know. It’s not like I sit around just thinking about hugs all the time. Or much of the time.
It’s interesting, though, when I found out some really bad news, my family didn’t really hug me. Well, wait. Jonathan did. But everyone else talked to me. That’s what we do: when there’s a crisis, we talk. When there’s something to celebrate, we talk louder. When we’re wondering what to do, we talk about it. We don’t hug and we certainly don’t kiss. Each other, I mean. With five kids in my immediate family and nine grandchildren in the next echelon, you gotta figure that there are people in this family who certainly do enjoy their hugging and kissing. Just, like I said, not with each other. Which was probably one disclaimer I didn’t need to make. Though I do that a lot. I told one friend that I don’t mind invisalign so much, but that I really wouldn’t get it if it were permanent. “Oh really?” he said, in feigned shock, proving the point that I don’t need to explain everything, I guess.
Anyway.
I do remember Jase holding my hand. He squeezed it really hard, too. Just like my grandaddy would do when he was sick and I visited him in the hospital. He’d stare at me and squeeze my hand so hard that it hurt, his wedding band digging into the palm of my own hand, but I didn’t mind. He had a far-away look in his eyes while he did it, and I would wonder if he was thinking of the love of his life, my grandmother Helen, who everyone says I favor. I think that if the love of my life left me way too soon and I had to live all those years on earth missing that person, then I would probably squeeze a hand pretty hard every once in a while, too.
And I doubt anyone would blame me for it, either.
good/bad in this new year.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as bad news, berries, braces, curd, escapee, fates, food stamps, hat, living at home, mental institution, orange hat, pop, run, someone, story, stupid man, time, today, townhouse
The good news is that I went for a run today. I think so much better when I am a). outside and b). running. Imagine how very brilliant I would be were I to ever run a marathon. But the bad news is that there are hunters afoot these days. Which means that my mom [...]
proof.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, photography
as bad news, business, C.S. Lewis, candid photo, fair warning, haha, longwood gardens, mom, news, photo, pop, proof, scandal, smoking marijuana, sort, stone, trance, white witch, Witch
Bad news. It looks like C.S. Lewis’ White Witch is still in the business of turning people to stone. Exhibit A:Just don’t say that you didn’t get fair warning. (actually this was a completely candid photo. At least for my pop. My mom knew I was taking the picture (as you can tell), but pop [...]
good/bad news.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as bad news, cheese, free massage, I, Jessica, Mac, massage, massage therapist, news, photo box, seat, word archives
The good news is that I discovered an abs class at my gym that makes my abs wonder what it is they ever did to me anyway. The bad news is that it now hurts to laugh. The good news is that the instructor is also a massage therapist, and even told me that she’d [...]
