going on a hog. yes, that’s what I said.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as beach, black leggings, black sweatshirt, craggy cliffs, freaky, hog, Latshaw, lyric, Mr. Chafe, ninja gear, shirt
This morning my niece Lyric and I went on what we like to call a hog.
Right, not the pig, though.
It’s the perfect blend of a hike and a jog. It’s what happens when you run on a beach with craggy cliffs that jut into the water, effectively making you stop your run and start to climb rocks up up up until you’re on level ground and can once again resume your run.
But that was at the beach and this hog was in Topanga. And my brother would have come with us, but after the beach hog he is sort of out of commission for any more for the time being. I don’t really want to say too much cause it’s his story to tell, but let’s just say that he earned himself the nickname Mr. Chafe.
And for the record, I earned the nickname Ninj. This is because I was wearing mostly black this week. Not really on purpose. See the weather is kind of unpredictable, so in addition to whatever it was I was wearing already, I’d bring some black leggings and a black sweatshirt for just-in-case-it-gets-real-cold-all-up-in-here, and so at some point in the day you’d see me in my ninja gear. Thus, Ninj.
Oh, and I’m really pretty stealthy too.
But back to the hog.
It was pretty eventful. Along the way, we ran across:
- many lizards. though, Latshaw-WEST is now pretty much acclimated to CA and hardly even mentions a lizard crossing anymore. still, they’re pretty darn cool and pretty darn plentiful. the lizards, I mean. though, the same can be said for Latshaw-WEST too.
- a huge deer. seriously. we were on the jogging portion of the hog when, seemingly out of nowhere, a deer leaped majestically out in front of us. we got a really nice close up. if we had been in a car, we might have even hit him.
- two creepers. as Lyric put it, one with his shirt on and one with his shirt off. when we first ran by them they yelled, Hey girls! Wait up! after us, causing us to actually pick up our pace more than anything close to waiting for them. eventually they gained on us, though, and I decided that we should wait and let them pass so that they weren’t such a big part of our hog. when we did, and as they passed us, the creeper with his shirt off asked us if the deer really freaked us out. Um, no. Not in the least. I was annoyed that he even asked and further annoyed that it seemed he assumed that was the reason for us pausing our hog. So I said as much. Or rather, I told him that we thought the deer was really very cool and left it at that. Freaked out, indeed.
We also threw in the plank and a couple of side planks for the mid-hog doldrums. Which is right around the time we discussed how freaky it would be to meet a spider whose face looks exactly like your own, though miniature cause it’s spider-sized (obviously). We decided it’d be less freaky if the spider had our sibling’s face instead, though don’t get me wrong, still very freaky.
And that about wraps up our hog.
I highly recommend them, for the record.
not very christian.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as black leggings, Christian, constant motion, dirty ones, Faith, full length mirror, gym, John, Kevin, little tug, right, tank, way
So remind me to never wear those particular leggings to the gym again.
Not even if I’m desperate.
Seriously, tell me to pull out the dirty ones from the hamper and just be on my way.
Because I don’t ever want to be in the car, en route to the gym, and notice that I can kind of see my legs through my leggings again.
And pretending that it looks worse than it is, trying to tell myself that maybe my leggings are just lighter in those particular places, doesn’t really help. Because black leggings should never really look skin colored, you know?
And then there’s the fact that I was wearing a sporty tank. One that cuts off right at the waist. And no amount of tugging it down could make it stay there.
Perfect.
But I hoped for the best anyway and, once I arrived, made my way right to the bathroom. I knew there is a full length mirror there, so a thorough legging inspection could at least be more private.
I looked at my legs.
Yep.
See-through.
So not cute.
Ugh.
Because then I turned around and oh no.
It’s as I feared.
I gave my tank top one more pitiful little tug.
Major fail.
So I went directly to the track and proceeded to run faster than I ever had before. I figured that if I stay in constant motion, people will not be able to notice that my leggings are a little threadbare today. Especially in the areas that one would actually prefer coverage. I mean, who cares if people can see my calves? But of course, those look just fine. Amish-approved, almost. Covered in nice, respectable black. Not at all not very Christian, as some of my dear friends from tour would say.
Actually, those friends sure did like to keep me accountable.
As much as they possibly could.
And, knowing that I take my faith quite seriously, one of their greatest pleasures was informing me whether or not my behavior or attire was matching up to it. And boy, did they get out their soapbox at the gym, especially. I guess it was because I do, admittedly, have this one pair of pretty small shorts that I sometimes like to workout in.
I mean, I am on the taller side of height; there will be a lot of legs going on, no matter what.
But still, these shorts. Whenever I wore them, my friends Kevin and John would be so excited to tell me that they were not very Christian. It was actually quite the running joke between us and pretty soon they’d start saying that about things that I was doing that were neither here nor there, in terms of morality or even faith. Like suddenly the ham and cheese sandwich I was eating was not very Christian either. Ha. Love those guys.
But these leggings, they were certainly not very Christian. And I dearly wish I had noticed that before I left my house.
Because there I was, stuck and just hoping that nobody looked too closely at me. And boy, you should have seen me go. If I never stopped, then I’d be a blur, right? I’d maybe even be mistaken for what looked like a solidly Christian blur, leggings nice and covering, and all that.
And I guess I have at least learned a valuable lesson: always look in the mirror before you strike out for the gym. If for no other reason than to just not feel a little exposed.
And also, don’t go buy $5 leggings and then act shocked when they turn out to be not very Christian, I guess.
And lastly, maybe just don’t buy $5 leggings at all.
