It’ll do. All of it.
in Performance
as behavior, body, brooklyn, business, cheese, good behavior, grand idea, grilled cheese sandwich, Honestly, kind, Leão, nobody, open mic, rap, subway, tomato, tomato soup, uke, ukulele, Village
What a night.
I got a Facebook message from a guy I
met at an open mic in the Village a few
weeks ago. “I’m hosting an open mic in Brooklyn,” he wrote. “Will you come and play? There’s no piano, but we sure can mic a ukulele like nobody’s business.”
So, first I hung out with my friend Leao for a bit. He reinforced that nobody–NOBODY!–I meet on the subway or the street–or anywhere, for that matter–wants to be my friend.
“They all want more,” he said.
“You don’t, ” I pointed out.
And I thought it was a pretty darn good point, actually.
Then I took capoeira and got all sweaty. Something that always amazes me when it happens. My poor, overheated body so rarely sweats, that when it does, I feel like it’s deserving of a treat. You know, reinforcing good behavior and all that.
So, I got a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. And what a great treat that was. Honestly, all I ever want lately is grilled cheese and tomato soup. It’s like my body has a grilled cheese and tomato soup deficiency or something, I crave it so much.
And then I jumped on the train to Brooklyn to go play some uke and rap and sing. When I got there, Chris, the host, greeted me with his uncle. “I hear you’re fantastic at the ukulele!” the uncle said to me. Which made me laugh. Because, really, I can strum some chords, and that’s about the extent of it. There are some things I am fantastic at doing. I’m
pretty good at bargain hunting. I think my family would say that I’m a good daughter and a good sister. I’m not bad at being disciplined, as a general rule. And I can write some songs. But playing the uke is not something at which I’m fantastic. Not yet, anyway.
Then Chris tells me that I’m the featured artist. Oh. That I can play as much as I’d like. Oh, again. The place is small, so really, we just share the night. He and his friend play. Then I go. I basically play all my songs that I know on the uke. Then someone has the grand idea that we all play together. Which was amazing. Cause soon, we’re singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. And Let it Be. And Landslide. And Respect. It was magical.
My friend Jes was kind enough to come, too. And she brought a friend of hers. It was the sort of good night that makes me so happy to be in New York City.
all full up tonight.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as airplane, beautiful mystery, black sky, body, cannot, choreography, contentment, face, feeling, fingers, free laughter, Furth, gift, hand, heart, holes, hou, kind, land, mind, mystery, patches, patchwork quilt, Peace, person, phrase, psyche, quilt, run, running through my mind, sense, shooting star, sky, song god, special person, thread, tonight, wear, wellness, yellow fire
All full up.
Oh, it’s terrible English, I know–and I cannot remember where I first heard this phrase–but it keeps running through my mind tonight. I have this sense of contentment, of wellness, that feels even bigger than my body, if that makes sense. Like my fingers only go so far when I reach; but, oh! this feeling of peace, it extends. Further than I knew, maybe.
And I feel, well, all full up.
Like the holes that have been poked through my psyche and my heart and my mind have started to patch. And you know what? I’ve always really liked patches. One of my favorite parts of flying in an airplane is looking down and seeing the land assembled like a patchwork quilt.
Which is something else I love. I’ve always wanted to make one, actually. And I’m gonna do it someday, too. And then I’m gonna give it to a really special person. You’ll see.
But maybe it was the shooting star I saw, falling like a thread of silver through the black sky; or the very short run I made with my dog in the kind of night that is so dark, it forbids you from seeing your own hand in front of your face; or the honest and free laughter that I shared with my parents (some laughter isn’t free; unkind laughter takes from you, leaves you in a debt that is hard to pay back); or talking to some friends late tonight in a house made warm by a yellow fire and happy by music; or the choreography I taught to a friend who loves to dance, sees it as a kind gift from an even kinder Creator; or maybe I could cite every last good thing I can remember and still not quite define what has me all full up tonight.
Maybe it’s like stripping the rose of every last petal in an effort to find what makes it smell so lovely–this peace, this life, this love–it’s big. Bigger than me. Bigger than one day or night. And I am happy, so happy to be included in it. I feel like traces of the song God first sung to cause everything in this old world to grow and breathe and bloom and be can be heard tonight.
And it has me all full up.
nyc and halloween and me.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as adult daughter, alligator man, benefit of the doubt, body, bridge, brooklyn bridge, cheeseburger, craziest, daughter, dental hygiene, five cents, halloween, newsies, Newsies-obsessed, NYC, NYC--that, own eyes, pop, shake shack, tutu
I did it. Let me be more specific. Halloween in NYC–that’s what I did. And it was just as crazy as one would expect. Though, maybe the craziest part was not the five or so people who made up the Brooklyn Bridge. Or the huge alligator man, complete with moving and snapping jaws and a [...]
eventually.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as astronomical number, body, break, cue music, descriptive language, EVENTUALLY, forearm, golden arches, gonna break, growth doesn, half, joy, kind, oh my goodness, pain, state, surprise party, terrible feeling, time, yoga teacher
“This makes me feel like my body’s gonna break in half…and then die.” I told my yoga teacher tonight quite seriously, as he was helping me do a forearm stand. “Well, that must be a terrible feeling,” he sympathized, after laughing not unkindly at my, um,descriptive language. But see, he didn’t stop there. He didn’t [...]
shhhhh.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as Arrows, atmosphere, body, Cell, cell block tango, dancing, duckboots, face, hard time, Huh, kind, lighting purposes, parents, person, rehearsal, shhhhh, while, whole time, yoga
My parents’ million pound dog just stepped on my face and I don’t even care. That’s how tired I am right now. Today we started teching Chicago. It was fun. Partly because I didn’t have to wear my heels and instead could wear my rad duckboots (since we weren’t dancing full out), and partly because [...]
not the best, but it doesn’t even matter, really.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as anything, beat, blue eyed girl, body, BOOM, boom boom boom, bum, change, class, corner, crazy things, dancer, dreams, drummers, girl, Guy, half, heart, hour and a half, kind, love, mea, person, poem, presence, Read, samba, Shakespeare, Shakespeare--maybe, shy, something, tra, truth, wonderful things, wonderland, world
I will say it: I am not the best dancer in the world. Truth is, I am not the best anything in the world. But that doesn’t really matter. Because who is? Not being The Best In The World is peripheral compared to this: What is it that you love? And I mean real love. [...]
body odor and a black eye.
in Funny Stuff
as bathe, black eye, body, body odor, cologne, face, feces, gag, ice, moment, perfume, powerful stuff, Regularly, soap, spectrum, stinky, training, way
I’m just going to write frankly for a moment, if you don’t mind. Smells. They effect me. They highly effect me. Both positively and negatively. A guy who smells good? It’s over. Okay, it’s not over. But I don’t mind breathing next to him. And I don’t mean he has to bathe in cologne. No, [...]
body language.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as body, body language, collar, curly hair, everything, face, goner, last smile, moment, nice connection, percent, railing, red face, riding on the subway, sort, space, straight face, tiny space, today, world of music
I’ve heard that ninety percent of communication is done through body language. And today, I saw it. See, I was riding on the subway, just sitting down, lost in my world of music. There was a small-ish space next to me and then a lady was sitting in the space right next to that. A [...]
hopping mad.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as body, capoeira, course, crazy thing, earbuds, ears, everything, helmet, kind, legs, mad at the world, mind, opponent, passage, rebellion, tantrums, training, two legs
It’s strange, I’m doing better, but now that I’m finally here, I’m starting to feel angry. And not even necessarily at who you think. Lately, I have felt pissed off. Which is better than being pissed on, somebody reminded me. But, yes. It seems easier than ever these days to feel plain old mad. All [...]
can-do.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as body, brother jason, dance class, fancy schmancy, ground, jesus christ superstar, les miz, occasional dance, pop, recording, schmancy, soreness, sound of laughter, studio, tailbone, tips of my fingers, ukelele, wrist
The tips of my fingers hurt from playing the ukelele. They hurt so good. Cause I’m playing the ukelele! Oh, it’s great fun. And work. For me, those things generally tend to go together. Ever since I came to New York City, I have been soundly beating my body up. I am not lying when [...]
