All full up.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby cat, cat, character, character shoe, chinatown bus, cold, Dang, deal, girl, husband, Jess, kind, kind soul, serial number, SNL, starbucks, superlatives, suspicion, way, wig
That’s the cutest little container of milk you ever did see. Yes, I went there: superlatives.
And my character shoe is right next to it, just to give you perspective.
Adorable, right?
The milk, not necessarily the shoe.
Especially not when it’s Sunday and you’ve already done seven shows in those heels this week. No, not cute at all.
Right now my head is all full up.
That’s what a lady at starbucks kept telling me about her husband. “Look at him!” she demanded, and so I did. “He’s all full up!”
And so he seemed to be.
I smiled, as being all full
up seemed like a good thing, in this case. She confirmed that my suspicion was correct as she continued, “He just finished his master’s degree! And his head is all full up!”
I congratulated him. How awesome, indeed. What a way to make a head
all full up.
And now my head is all full up, but not the kind that would make anyone congratulate me. Not unless you want to be snarky and say, “Congratulations, Jess; you’ve got a cold.”
I know a cold is not a big deal. But this one hurts my head, makes me all stuffy, hurts my throat, and makes me not want to do much of anything but sleep.
Which would be fine if I were, say, a cat. Or even a baby. Or, perfect: a baby cat (for those of you who love Kristen Wig and SNL, I really should have said purrrrrrrrfect. Dang, I blew it).
But I have one of those auditions tomorrow that feels important. I have to memorize sides (an excerpt from a script). So the life of a baby cat is far from mine right now. And the cold will just have to get in line.
And oh, have I mentioned the magic of the Chinatown bus? It’s really quite enchanting. I get on it. I fall asleep. I wake up where I need to be. If it’s Wilmington, a kind soul picks me up. If it’s NYC, I’m close to the apartment and blending into the city as I walk; I’m just another girl who thinks a move is a good idea. The past is right where it belongs–back there, she can see it, but she doesn’t wear it like a serial number anymore–and the present is much kinder than she had anticipated a year ago.
Just another girl with a yoga mat and a few breaths deep enough to carry on. Just another girl who takes pictures of milk and drinks emergen-C like it’s wine and I’m trying to escape.
Just another girl who’s all full up. With a cold. And, okay, a few other things, too. A few other good things, I gotta admit. Not that I’m saying I put them there; I’m just saying I’m grateful.
From behind the microphone.
in Performance
as band, black ties, brilliant musician, cat, cat wash, coney island, cover, electricity, home depot, idea, Island, island cat, kind, lefts, lions and tigers, man cat, music director, pot, swanky, wash
Oh, bummer. No electricity. At least I have a rocking flashlight and a couple of books in my bed.
Today was the kind of day that makes me feel very uncomfortable to even think about. So, yep, I’m just gonna go ahead and write about it. Good idea, Jessica.
I drove to new York this afternoon to audition for this classy cover band that’s going to play at swanky events just chock full of black ties and caviar and flutes of champagne. The music director is an old friend of my ex-person, and truly a brilliant musician. I had the idea from his email that it would just be he and I at a piano. I’d sing for him, he’d play for me; it’d be nice and simpatico like that.
Boy, was I wrong.
But first, I forgot to mention that I drove to 307 west 36th street on Coney Island. I foolishly followed the GPS. I mean, I know how to get to manhattan. I go there all the time and then when I get home, I go back. But my GPS was all: turn off in jersey! Do it! Do it! Do it! So I did. I know, I know–would I jump off a bridge if it told me to? Well, if I thought it was a shortcut to manhattan–a place that feels too.far.away–then, I just might try it.
I kept thinking that this really didn’t look like manhattan. I mean, the coney island cat wash (that should have read CAR wash, but man, cat wash is just too good) should have tipped me off. And the Home Depot. Finally, I ended up in a shady neighborhood and asked a man if we were between 8th and 9th avenue. “which one?” he asked. “in manhattan…” I answered. At which point he told me that I was currently in a galaxy far far away from there. Then he tried to tell me how to get there. TELL me. Like I was gonna remember any of that. He even confused himself at one point, reminded himself not to smoke pot (or perhaps he was simply warning me), and then kept going with his lefts and rights and signs and bridges and lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
So, after going an hour out of my way, I got to manhattan. And walked into the studio and found a full band and four vocalists going to church behind the microphones.
Suddenly I missed coney island.
And home depot.
And the man who should not smoke pot. Or at least not when he is about to recite directions.
Guys, I was not prepared. The one song I kind of knew from the list the band knew had just been wailed by a fantastic singer who is probably not divorced and about to work through a book on codependency. Just a guess.
They called me up to sing. I did it; it felt awful. I didn’t go to church behind the microphone. I didn’t even go to coney island behind the microphone. I didn’t even go to Home Depot behind the microphone. I felt like I could have gone to the bathroom, though, cause I felt a little sick with embarrassment.
Jesse, the music director, said he’d like to hear me again when I know the material. I am not sure if he is just being kind. I would like to sing again for them; we’ll see if it happens.
For now, I’m just glad that little experience has come and gone. Emphasis on the ‘gone’ part.
crab bisque everywhere!
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as accident, bathroom, cat, crab bisque, crab morsels, dessert, direction, freezing, gift card, glass of wine, good reason, kosher, last time, moment, momma cat, rags, reason, sweatshirt, time, waitress, while
It is very late and I am very tired and I smell like a crab. Yes, that’s right: a crab. There is a very good reason for this. The waitress, she was carrying a huge bowl of crab bisque, but then she stopped carrying it. Instead, she dropped it and it crashed all around me [...]
saltines? sure.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as ballad, bounty, broadway show, case in point, cat, comma, eagles, friend john, Ipod, kind, older woman, orange tabby cat, order, show, shuffle, side, snacks, train, way, woman
I am spending the night with my lovely friend John tonight. His orange tabby cat is happily curled up in the shape of a comma at my side, in the manner that only a cat can do. John is working hard, doing his broadway show right now, and I am proud of him. I love [...]
“we’re all mad here.” –the cheshire cat
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby, ballet, bright stripes, brother, burst, cat, caterpillar, cheshire cat, chicken, chickenIt, dances, Darby, day, eminem, five dollars, goodness, guitar, hit, house, Jase, nobody, nobody answers, none, order, point, progression, psych, psychedelic, raps, silence, song, sort, time, time of day, today, tone, tottie
I am playing a progression of chords on the guitar. Darby starts singing baby, it’s cold outside, and goodness, but I am not playing anywhere close to the right chords for that song, but she’s making it work. So I join her. You would have done the same, trust me. ——- At any given time [...]
stop time.
in Loved Ones, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as blowing out the candles, California, cat, David, Delaware, drew, God, Harry, iphoto, lot, North Carolina, north carolina mountains, Ollie, sense, sense memory, story, straight jacket, time
I just went through my pictures in iphoto. And deleted a lot of them. It was time. And it’s amazing how photos can stir your sense memory; amazing how the story is written in the colors and the feel of the images. And I love to look at this; it’s a good story. A girl, [...]
one heck of a mixed bag
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as cat, cat and the fox, fox, fox change, friend, John, knock knock joke, life, lion and the lamb, Newark, snow, stars and the moon
Today I cried with one friend and I laughed with another. I cried by myself, lost in my thoughts, and then a small red fox ran through the snow, in front of my car, and I smiled despite myself. It’s the same red fox who seems to have chosen the end of my parents’ lane [...]
mamma actually didn’t say there’d be days like this.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as april fool, butter, cat, day, fools joke, hair, kind, obscure disease, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, true hippie, Vietnam
It’s one of those days. You know, the kind when you’re absolutely positive the cat eats the butter–you saw him doing it the other day, in fact–and yet, you now give in to a kind of laziness-induced-denial as you butter your toast with the exact same butter that you are now telling yourself has probably [...]
humor me as I share about my nephew and my cats. Oh, and a skin disorder. not mine.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, photography
as cat, chicken, chicken fingers, disorder, full tilt, harlotry, humor, jonathan, judah, kind, Percy, poor cat, skin, skin diseases, skin disorder, Tally
My three-year-old nephew Judah recently tried to order some chicken hands at a restaurant. It took some time before people realized that what he wanted was actually chicken fingers and if you think about it, that’s really no stranger than chicken hands. Considering chickens have neither hands nor fingers. As requested, here is our poor [...]
