when I am the center and when I am not; when I had a house and when I will not.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as cartoon, center of the universe, cheerful color, choice, conviction, eight legs, hook line and sinker, house, indecision, information man, kind, Line, line and sinker, moment, sinker, spider bites, strong conviction, supreme, supreme confidence, torso
There are a few things looming over me right now.
Though I realize that I am not the only one for whom life is looming.
It is good to remember this; it is good to think about others.
It is confusing, though, for I see a cartoon that reminds me not to kill spiders and for months I do not, careful to carry them outside to safety, cradling them. Or as much as one can cradle something that has eight legs (And yes, I just googled that because I had a moment of indecision. If you had come into my life right then, and in supreme confidence told me that spiders have six legs, I would have believed you, hook, line, and sinker, as the saying goes).
But out of a strong conviction that I am not the center of the universe, and after watching that cartoon, I even start to take showers with spiders. I do this until I wake up one morning with spider bites on my torso. And then I realize that I might not be the center of my universe, but I think that I am at least a little closer to the center than the spiders, and therefore I make the choice to not let them live with me any longer and yes, to even kill them, if that’s what it comes down to.
But then I come across this poem by Buddy Wakefield. It’s called The Information Man and every time I hear it or read it I get chills and time stands still as I feel the part of me that sees even with my eyes closed getting stronger. And this poem assures me that I am the center of my universe. And I think that might be the difference: my and the. As in, none of us are the center of THE universe, collectively.
We all share it.
Together, we make it what it is–and neither of us are more important than each other. But then, well, MY universe. Yes, I am the center of that. Kind of like how you can keep your house the way you want; you arrange your furniture just so and you paint your walls yellow because you heard somewhere that it’s a cheerful color and lately you’ve been feeling a little depressed and anything helps.
But you can’t go around painting the world yellow, cause it’s not just your world.
Okay, glad I figured that out. Sort of, anyway.
But all this to say: life looms.
Specifically, the fact that I am selling my house.
I wish wish wish that I could simply write something about my house. Or sing a song or do a dance about it. This is the kind of stuff I know. But instead, I get an email from my realtor telling me that the documents he received from me were missing both articles 3 & 4 and could I please supply them asap?
And I am left wracking my brain because I have no idea what articles 3 & 4 are.
None.
And so I write him. I tell him to pretend that I never know what he’s talking about and to over-explain things to me. That I will not be offended by him treating me like a child in this matter (because I am).
I know this is good for me; I know I am growing and learning. I know this will not always loom, but it is looming right now.
And also? It does not help to be selling a house with a person who is no longer part of the team. This is not helpful at all.
But I chug along.
I make it work.
I will figure out what articles 3 & 4 are.
And I will continue to learn the difference between my universe and the universe, respectively, and then try to act accordingly.
thanks a lot.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as bedtime prayers, boy, bug, center of the universe, father, God, Jessica Latshaw, legged variety, nearby fisherman, Shane, spider, thwack, video
So my friend, Shane–I’ve got him to thank for my most recent problem.
And no, it has nothing to do with eating shroom sandwiches and saying something that may or not sound inappropriate, to the entertainment of nearby fisherman.
But it has everything to do with small creatures of the many-legged variety.
Because, see, the other day I was taking a shower, minding my own business, when a huge bug jumped from above and landed with a thwack! right on my thigh. And whoa, that was very surprising. And ordinarily, I would have ended him. I mean, in situations when it feels like self-defense, I have always held fast to a no holds barred policy.
Until Shane sent me this certain youtube video.
It’s actually great. About this boy who’s afraid of a spider that makes a bedtime appearance in his room and then the boy calls his father to come kill it for him. But the father reminds him in a nice song and a dance that he isn’t the center of the universe and then–well, this was the clincher for me: IT SHOWED THE SPIDER AT HOME, SURROUNDED BY ALL HIS SPIDER CHILDREN. AND THEY WERE PRAYING, FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE. And long and wonderful story short, the spider lives. The boy goes to sleep. And the boy’s father goes back to bed. Well, I assume, anyway. It didn’t actually show the father in bed. Which was just fine with me.
And so there I was, literally being dive bombed by some kind of bug that must have read something about those kamukazi pilots in WWII, when all I could think about was that spider. And how he was praying. And how I should probably let this bug go home to say bedtime prayers with his bug kiddos too. And yes, I did remove the bug from my leg, thank you–the video said nothing about not, at the very least, moving them when they are attached to one of your limbs, thank God–but then I just proceeded to shower with the thing.
But you better believe I kept a close eye on him the whole time.
And then what did I get for my efforts?
The very next day, I saw the bug. Still in the bathtub. Probably having realized that since we showered together and everything, we’re pretty close now; that I wouldn’t mind having him around after that. In fact, I was a little surprised not to see his toothbrush next to mine by the faucet. And pretty grateful not to find all his little bug socks in my sock drawer.
But I didn’t bother him.
Cause remember? SPIDERS PRAYING. WITH THEIR YOUNG UNS.
And right, I’m not the center of the whole universe. Which apparently means that I take showers with large bugs, upon occasion.
But then I went to fill up my bathtub today, and I guess the word is out. Attention: all creatures large and small, Jessica Latshaw is absolutely defenseless against you now. Oh, and we owe our lives to that video on youtube. The prayer scene was brills. High-five, Shane.
Because there was a spider staring right back at me. Of course. And when spiders stare, they mean it. What with every one of those eyes that cover their bodies. And nope, I couldn’t kill it. So I went the humane route and grabbed a nearby bottle of lotion and tried to convince the spider to stand on it while I transported him to a new place. One in which he can just as easily hide and wait for his next unsuspecting human to catch a glimpse of him.
And hopefully for his sake, that human will have seen the praying spiders too.
And after many many tries (which wasn’t annoying at all, because it’s not like I have anything better to do than coax a spider onto a bottle of lotion. It’s not like I would maybe even just as soon vacuum than do that. Well now wait, let’s not be crazy), I finally did get him to stay on the bottle. And he had only belayed down his spider thread a few inches by the time I placed him in the bedroom opposite from mine and firmly shut the door behind him. The empty bedroom opposite mine, I should specify.
Except, I guess it’s not empty anymore.
I hope, anyway.
So there you go, thanks to Shane and that video, I am trying not to kill creatures. Well, or people. But it’s not like the latter is a very difficult policy to abide by.
And now I am sure you are all thinking, Good to know.
Which is what the bugs and spiders are thinking too, as they continue to make their plans to move in with me.
