First page of the chain archive.

Ingrid, live.

Posted by jessica on Mar 10, 2010 with 14 Comments
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So, Ingrid Michaelson.

I have to say she was worth everything it took to go see her. Not that it was a lot on my part, per se. Especially when compared to the times you hear about people doing some street side vigils to get tickets. Or staying on the phone for hours. Or paying a lot more than $27.

But still, it was worth getting bumped into over and over again by the guy to my right who might have been five feet on a good day. Not that I hold anyone’s height (or lack thereof) against them. I mean, my own dear momma is not that tall, let’s face it. But she doesn’t spend all night long making loud announcements and then laughing hysterically at herself before she’s even finished the sentence. And this, in addition to all the hapless bumping into me.

And oh, here’s a tip: if you are the only one laughing at what you just said then there is a very strong possibility that you are just. not. funny.

Or that you are high.

Which was why I was not so sad when me and this continual jokester-complete-with-his-own-laugh-track ended up not standing next to each other by the time Ingrid Michaelson came out on stage. I can only say that I hope whoever eventually did stand next to him appreciated his jokes as much as I had.

But back to Ingrid, because she was great.

And really funny.

And didn’t bump into me once.

Proving that those two things can be done, small man who was maybe definitely high, I hope you’re listening.

And it’s a rare treat when you get to hear an artist who sounds better live than she does on her recordings. And it’s not like she sounds shabby on the recordings, either.

But she has a special place in my heart. I started listening to her while I was in Japan. A dear friend, Mindy, introduced me to her one day while we were both laying on the dressing room floor, wishing that we didn’t have another show to do in just an hour. She asked me if I wanted to hear the beautiful song she was listening to and I’m pretty sure I’m never gonna say no to a question like that.

So she gave me one half of her headphones and we lay there together, listening to Ingrid sing The Chain, which became one of my favorite songs ever.

And I’ve about worn that song out since. I will say that Japan was when I started noticing that my life as I knew it was unraveling. And by noticing, I mean desperately trying to get the attention of someone you love and feeling like you suddenly just have a crush on the man who married you and he doesn’t even remember your name. And as somebody on the other side of the world kept pulling and pulling at the thread, ripping it out until there was barely any fabric to cover us at all anymore, I would write pitiful love songs on my guitar or listen to Ingrid Michaelson sing about how everybody, everybody wants to love, everybody everybody wants to be loved and I would silently agree cause yeah, that’s all I wanted. Is that such a terrible thing, anyway?

And then I came home and that thread was even shorter. Shorter than I ever knew it could be. And there we were, our relationship exposed and uglier than I ever knew it could be, either; cause that poor thread had been pulled and pulled until the fabric was gone entirely, having been used to make a different blanket for a different person. And there I was, feeling naked and ashamed and less than while not knowing what to do about it except write and listen to music. Oh, and pretend to the world that everything was good enough.

Which is when I wrote this.

It was a time when he was upset with me and had left abruptly. Again. And I didn’t know the half of it. And I couldn’t compete with a person I didn’t even know had taken my place. All I knew to be was myself and suddenly that wasn’t good enough.

But I’d once again find some small comfort in listening to the song, The Chain. And it’s one of those songs that makes me really happy and really sad at once; really happy that it was written at all and really sad that it wasn’t me who had written it in the first place.

And even though Ingrid didn’t sing The Chain tonight, I still absolutely loved getting to hear her live. She was inspiring. Plus, she plays a very small guitar. Something that I do too, so it gave me a little more courage in that direction. A little less reason to feel very defensive when people ask me about it. Over and over again.

But yes, listening to her was pretty darn great. Like I said, worth every bit of the $27 and all that jazz.

that’s what I hear in these sounds

Posted by jessica on Sep 20, 2009 with No Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s his footsteps that reach me.

The sounds of stairs, begrudgingly giving way underneath. With a creak, announcing him.
And even though he’s walking away, there’s still the sound of him, and I love those loud stairs for that.
But then the big door swings open and closes with a hollow thud and that’s that. The ensuing silence proving the point that he’s actually gone. Until he starts up that motor, and his old jeep backs up, working too hard to just get out of the neighborhood.
And although that quiet is quite clearly broken, it brings no comfort.
Only isolation.
Like a woman noisily giving you the silent treatment.
She’s banging on various kitchen sundries, making a point to carry overly loud saccharin conversations with everybody else when she’s not humming that tune made famous in high school, and you finally put down your book. You wonder what it was you ever did to make her ignore you so hard.
And that’s how it sounds when he leaves; I like the sound of him coming home much better and at least there’s a cat at my feet and one at my side.
*inspired in part by when he left early this morning…and a song called The Chain, by Ingrid Michaelson:
So glide away and so be healed and promise not to promise anymore
and if you come around again then i will take, then i will take the chain from off the door

it’s not what you call me, but what I answer to–african proverb

Posted by jessica on Jun 27, 2009 with No Comments
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The sweet strains of Japanese are serenading me right now as my roommate faithfully practices the language of the land which we are visiting at the end of the summer. She now knows how to say, An adult woman is swimming, which will be a perfect conversation starter at the stage door, I am sure. [...]