yellow.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as bellies, booth, car, color, dinner, dream, favorite color, friendship, hearts, Important, LOVED, many things, parking, parking lot, truth, while, yellow, yellow roses
Once, a friend and I went to dinner.
It had been a while.
Too long, truth be told.
We talked of many things and told each other not to settle for less than the things we dream of.
We drove away that night, bellies full and hearts fuller.
And then another month or so went by and that same friend told me he had something for me.
“Walk with me to my car,” he said.
I did, and once we got there, he handed me this.
“Do you remember that night we had dinner?” he asked.
I nodded as he continued.
“When we drove out of the parking lot, respectively, the lady at the booth was selling these.”
“I remember that!” I interjected.
“I bought this for you that night,” he continued, ”It’s yellow–”
“My favorite color…” I interrupted, smiling.
“And also the color of friendship,” he said, smiling, too, now.
“It’s perfect,” I said, “Thank you so much…”
And now whenever I look at that yellow rose, I remember that I am loved.
And liked, too.
And never, never alone.
And this is good.
Maybe even important.
To surround ourselves with the things that remind us of who we are.
Loved.
Important.
Worth knowing.
Worth eating dinner with.
And buying roses for.
Even yellow roses, for friendship.
Especially yellow roses, for friendship.
the open spot.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as ace of spades, beautiful people, bruise, christian book stores, color, empty hotel rooms, entirety, feelings, Felt, freedom, good, hair, headsho, headshot, headshots, kind, middle man, perfect fit, pretenses, prisoner, progress, resolution, sad place, season, sidelines, sort, spot, sun, tension, terrible thing, way
This is a fact, without commentary: I don’t miss him.
That is a good thing, a very beautiful and good thing. Because he is not here. He left before I knew to look for him; he left but pretended to stay. It was a trick and in the end, I think we were all tricked, even him.
And in the end, we all felt tricked.
Yes, even him.
Felt it the way you can feel a bruise, all soft and painful to the touch. It was the kind of powerful feeling that trumped all. It was the ace of spades revealed, and all the other feelings went running because they knew they were beat.
But now there are no tricks and there are no pretenses; now there is a heart that has been hurt but is being healed. The sun is kind enough to rise over and over again, marking the progress like a prisoner scratching off the days till freedom.
Now there is a story that is unfolding. To say I know it in its entirety would be premature. But to say that I know it’s good would be faith. And would be true. I think that at some point I will look back at my life the way you talk to your friend about the movie you just saw together. You are leaving the theater, zipping up your jackets against the cold, and you say, “There was that one bit in the middle–man, I didn’t know if the girl would make it. I hadn’t seen that (insert terrible thing)_________ coming, and I didn’t think she’d recover. But whoa! What a story. And you know, I think the tension made the resolution that much more startling. I think the contrast was a sight to behold.”
I think I might say something like that someday about this life.
I think I might start saying something like that already.
Because the contrast between a sad place I have known and all this good and love and beautiful people that speak of a God who doesn’t just care from a distance and hope that I got his letter–the one stockpiled in Christian book stores and the bureaus of otherwise empty hotel rooms–but rather, he’s close. He’s more like a coach, yelling from the sidelines. Not cause he’s angry, no, but because he believes in me enough to fashion a plan that looks a lot more like a perfect fit than anything else I’ve ever seen. And he’s calling out to KEEP GOING! because he sees the open spot–right there, between those guys who wanna knock me over–but don’t worry, he says, cause he sees the open spot.
red like my hair and like that color I love.
in Funny Stuff, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as bald jess, color, dayafter, dr suess, good ole days, hair, Jess, kind, Ronald McDonald, thanks mom, thing, today
I woke up today not really knowing that this was going to happen. The whole I-sort-of-have-red-hair-now thing. See, I went to the salon with the idea of trying to make them match my roots. I do like the blonde hair, but the maintenance! That color is demanding, what with the roots being all exhibitionists, starting [...]
christmas eve randomness for you
in Funny Stuff, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as California, caption, christmas eve, cold hands, color, Don, God, hair, Luigi, Mindy, moment, Ollie, pink sweater, puckered lips, those lips, walk
So because it’s Christmas Eve around here I thought I’d give you a present. Enjoy. Ollie was hard at work, probably helping Luigi set free a princess whose name escapes me at the moment. What he wasn’t hard at work doing, but was accomplishing with ease and aplomb nonetheless, was looking absolutely adorable. And it’s [...]
when you find out the sky is not blue
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as blue sky, color, fuchsia, God, isn, light in the darkness, New York, purple sky, self deprecating, sky, something, time, Trenton
There are things that I know to be true. Self-evident, like it says on that famous declaration. It’s simple, like the earth being round. Like our blood being red. Like God and how he said something once to turn on the light in the darkness and how that still holds true for me now, literally [...]
wedding, fall style.
in Loved Ones, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as Betsy, blackberry inn, blue ridge mountains, color, fall celebration, Inn Road, Iphone Road, last flower, matter, North Carolina, perfect shrine, something, thing, thoughts/life, today, Todd, wedding
The Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina. Not too shabby. I’d get married there. My friends Todd and Betsy did get married there today, in fact. And it looked just like this. Blackberry Inn Road (and yes, of course we had to ask if Iphone Road is the next turn. hilarious, I know. Fine, you [...]
