not the best, but it doesn’t even matter, really.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as anything, beat, blue eyed girl, body, BOOM, boom boom boom, bum, change, class, corner, crazy things, dancer, dreams, drummers, girl, Guy, half, heart, hour and a half, kind, love, mea, person, poem, presence, Read, samba, Shakespeare, Shakespeare--maybe, shy, something, tra, truth, wonderful things, wonderland, world
I will say it: I am not the best dancer in the world.
Truth is, I am not the best anything in the world.
But that doesn’t really matter. Because who is? Not being The Best In The World is peripheral compared to this: What is it that you love?
And I mean real love. The kind that makes your heart beat faster and your body feel electric as you push yourself and find that you’re doing things you never imagined you’d do. Not ever. Maybe for the guy who’s shy, who’s never read Shakespeare–maybe he’s suddenly writing a poem to some blue eyed girl in Minnesota that, just by her very presence, has transformed Minnesota into some kind of wonderland. A place where dreams are born.
What I mean is, being in love transforms you.
And I love to dance.
Which is why I went to samba class again tonight. Why the four drummers playing in the corner were changing the beat of my own heart, turning it into something that went bum, BOOM, boom, boom, for a change. And why I shook my whole body for about an hour and a half. These are the kinds of crazy things that people do–people who are in love, I mean.
And no, I am not the best dancer in the world.
But do you refrain from falling in love with another person for the mere fact that you are not The Best Person In The World?
No, you don’t.
And that doesn’t matter at all.
Heck, that doesn’t even exist at all.
You fall in love, and then you’re doing crazy wonderful things (one hopes). You’re stopping at nothing to make sure you’re the very best vehicle for that pure strong love to flow through, and you point it nowhere but in your beloved’s direction.
So it is with the things that we love to do, I think.
And I remembered tonight, while shaking it in samba. I remembered how much I love to dance. And that’s something, guys; that’s really something.
lost. really pretty lost.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as blank expression, call, corner, everything, expression, google, google maps, home, house, kirkwood soccer club, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, phone, quitter, soccer game, thick accent, thuggish, tonight, what the heck
Tonight the stars are obscured by the clouds and there is not much that is far-seeing at all. Including myself.
I got lost this evening. In the lovely area here in Delaware known as Price’s Corner. And yes, it is just as unromantic and uninspiring as it sounds. My google maps app quit working and then I thought I would just call someone and ask for help. Which is when my phone just quit working altogether.
Timing is everything.
I asked a man with a very thick accent if he knew where I was trying to go–um, I didn’t say that, verbatim, I wasn’t baiting him, asking him to guess my destination. No, I was like, “Do you know how to get to Kirkwood Soccer Club?”
With a blank expression, he repeated Kirkwood Soccer Club in his very thick accent and I knew that he would be about as helpful as my quitter of a phone.
Then I asked a thuggish guy for help; he told me that I didn’t want to go there. It was dark and late, why would I want to go there?
“To watch a soccer game?” I guessed. But it wasn’t actually guessing, because I knew: that’s why I wanted to go there.
He kept convincing me I didn’t want to go. Finally, I acquiesced. To a point, anyway. I still wanted to go, but I realized that I just couldn’t. Because I didn’t know how to get there. So I went home, instead. And wouldn’t you know it, the second I pulled up to my house my phone was all, “Oh hi. I’m here now–did you need me?”
It feigned innocence.
And I was like, “Don’t. Even.”
And it was like, “What? I’m not perfect and neither are you, so let’s just call it even.”
And really, my phone had a point.
I’m really not perfect. Sometimes I feel like I don’t do well at this business of living at all. Sometimes I wonder what the heck is going on and just how many times am I going to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before something happens.
But really, I know–I KNOW–that life is happening all the time. It just feels tiring tonight.
And then I fill the bathtub with the hottest water Pennsylvania has ever seen and submerge myself in it; then I go to bed. I eventually fall asleep and then the sun wakes me up in the morning with a light that reveals something new.
I hope, anyway.
fly.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, photography
as Auto, bit, blue sky, boring life, corner, door, Draft, fly, Guy, hummingbird, kitchen, life, little guy, right, sky, wonder
It’s not boring. Life, I mean; it really never is. Not when you walk into your kitchen to find this little guy. And he thinks he’s in a corner. Just in a corner. Like, end-of-story, in a corner. But what he doesn’t yet realize is that the door is right there, too. And that I’m [...]
still grateful. yes.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as computer, corner, download, lifetime, Mac, nice thing, peace and joy, screen, texts, trash
My computer kept telling me that it didn’t have room for much of anything else, whenever I tried to download something or even save what I was writing. So I looked for things that I could delete, just like my little mac suggested. And I came upon some big file that simply said: drew. Perfect, [...]
