I will no longer judge the frogs.

Shane is drumming.
Pat is engineering.
I am sitting on a pillow.

And collectively? We are recording music.

Oh man, I’m working hard; I’ll let you know how the pillow sounds with these particular microphones.

On to something else now. Like frogs. Particularly, how they get boiled
alive sometimes, not even realizing that the water they’re in have reached dangerous temperatures until it’s too late. I’ve always heard about that situation and wondered how the frog could be so oblivious. So out of touch with his reality.

But then suddenly I was the frog, and well, now I sort of understand. Because it wasn’t always like that, you know. It wasn’t always so hot and this-is-gonna-boil-me-alive-if-I-stay-any-longer.

But then again, was it?
I don’t really know if he ever loved me. In fact, when I’ve asked him about this, he’s said that he loved me “in the way he knew how.” I don’t know why he had to specify it like that. I know that he didn’t make those specifications with the person he gave himself to. I think “the way I knew how” must indicate something lesser; I think it must mean not very much or at least not the kind that is made of indestructible stuff.

I do know that it’s not the kind of love that is love; how can it be?

But the thing is, I tried my very best to love him. I did love him. And although I am tempted to call it a waste–and nauseated at the thought of it, even–I don’t know that you can ever call truly and wholly loving someone a waste. Love betters a heart. Even if it goes disregarded and scorned, I have to believe that where love has been, there is a sweeter sound and feel because of it.

But now.

Now I’m the frog who managed to jump out of that boiling pot just in the nick of time and I cannot believe how beautiful the world is now that I’m not dying from the inside. I can hardly believe how it feels to know there’s room for something good and real and true in my life.

And I’m not gonna be so hard on the poor frogs anymore. In fact, I’m gonna be getting therapy and I should find out where those frogs have their support groups.

Cause I could totally compare notes with them.