just saying no.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as brain cells, columbus day, day, direction, google, google maps, Grand, grand central station, hook ups, issue, Latshaw, life, nobody, sex, sex with strangers, smoking, smoking weed, terminal, town girl
No, thank you.
That’s not gonna work for me.
Nope.
Actually, I can’t.
No.
Let me say that in Spanish for you, in case it wasn’t clear:
No.
This lesson is continuing to rear its uncomfortable head over and over again in my life.
The issue of saying no.
And I’m not talking about The Three Most Important Things You Should Say No To that is drilled into us as kids. I have no problem saying no to drugs, sex, and the celebration of Columbus Day.
Oh, was that last one not on your JUST SAY NO! list? I guess Lynn Latshaw is not your mother, then.
In fact, I don’t know what it is about me, but nobody ever offers me drugs. Like, nobody. Friends who will remain nameless will be happily smoking weed and won’t even try to get me to join in. “You’re too good,” they will remark to me. “We know you don’t smoke.”
But it’s not that I don’t smoke because I’m “good;” nobody is good, really. I’m just me. I don’t smoke because I happen to like my brain cells. I’d rather not become even more directionally challenged than I already am. I mean, I’ve been walking from Grand Central Station to 2nd ave and east 47th for a couple weeks now, and I still have to pull out my google maps app just to figure out which direction it is I walk in again, once I get out of the terminal. If that app could talk it would totally tell me that it has TOLD ME THIS ALREADY! and don’t you EVER LISTEN?!?!
I can’t even imagine where I’d end up if I were high.
And with the amount of strangers who seem to target me, it makes me shudder to think of this countrified, friendly, and generally lost on the east side of town girl totally high.
And I guess it’s illegal. Smoking weed, I mean. I try to stay away from illegal. But then, I do speed. In my car, I should clarify. Like, I sometimes drive fast, is the point. So I guess there’s some hypocrisy there, huh?
And sex with strangers honestly does not interest me. Hook-ups seem rather awkward and I’d rather not contract a disease if I don’t have to. Call me conservative. So right, saying no to all that isn’t exactly on parr with being a saint. Nobody ever got a standing ovation for saying no to someone offering them something they find distasteful anyway. Like beans. I say no thank you to beans all the time. Random hook-ups don’t seem that different to me, really.
But what’s uncomfortable for me is the idea of disappointing people. Hurting their feelings. Just because I cannot do what they want me to do. Well, I could–but I know I don’t want to, so the better thing to do is just say no and move on. Cause it’s not like a moral or ethical thing. It’s more just like a I-don’t-want-to-be-close-to-you kind of thing.
And part of me gets all kinds of busy just wishing that other people who have questionable boundaries would please stay away. Like, it’s their fault. I wouldn’t find myself in these uncomfortable situations if it weren’t for them! But no, I need to have boundaries and live honestly from my heart, regardless of the boundaries of others.
If someone is getting too close, demanding too much, etc., it is because I am allowing this.
So, anyway, I am practicing this.
Saying no.
And then moving on.
And for some reason, this is no easy fete for me.
Sigh.
what a day!
in Thoughts and Feelings
as area code, collarbone, date, day, exercise, feeling, friend, friendlier place, High, high line, kind, Line, martial arts, mine, nothing, romance, roommates, shoulders, state, stranger, sun, time, time one, today, train, warmup, weather, whoa, word
Today was an undeniably good day.
I met David, a friend of mine who I have not seen for some time, and together, we strolled the High Line. It was once an elevated train here in New York, but has for some time just been empty. But now it’s renovated and planted all over with gardens and a lovely, among-the-highrises stroll. And the weather was absolutely perfect.
A little too perfect. Because now my shoulders and collarbone are sun kissed. Okay, more like I look like the sun made-out with me. I am, in a word: burnt.
And then I went and did about four hours of martial arts. Whoa. I am exhausted. But feeling pretty happy. There is nothing like moving about. It puts me in this heightened state; it solves my problems. I am not sure why, but the world seems a far friendlier place when I am moving.
Oh, and I auditioned for this DVD exercise/vocal thing last week, called The Broadway Warmup, and I was offered the job today. Nice.
In other news, the stranger with whom I unprecedentedly agreed to go on a date last week has been texting me. I did not, however, text him back today. I need to just say that I am not really interested in what he is interested in. Or I guess I could just not respond, but that sounds mean. Anyway, a pretty sad part is that I cannot, for the life of me, remember the guy’s name. So I refer to him among my friends by his area code. “I think I need to tell 917 that I am just not interested in any kind of romance,” I told David.
“Just don’t respond; 917 will get the message,” he replied.
But 917. How pitiful. Kind of funny, though, too.
(I ain’t your) lost boys and some random thoughts.
in MP3, Thoughts and Feelings
as april fool, april fools, banana chocolate chip, banana chocolate chip muffins, chocolate chip muffins, day, house, humor, kind, life, little red riding hood, lost boys, nook and cranny, recording, song, tonight, transitive property, way, zinger
I recorded this song tonight: (I ain’t your) lost boys Then I excitedly asked my mom if she wanted to hear the recording. “Yes!” she said. So I obliged. And by the end, every last creature in the house was sound asleep. Well, except for me. Even every one of the nine pups were sleeping, [...]
pancakes and pants and poor leg.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as alligator, angel wings, checkered pants, choice, Coincidentally, dance classes, day, DICKENS, disease, everything, flesh eating disease, free pancakes, I, international pancake day, knowledge, pair, plato, reggae band, shop, wood
Coincidentally, IHOP happens to give out free pancakes on International Pancake Day. Coincidentally, I–along with a few friends–happened to wander in there tonight and take some off their hands. It was perfect. And delicious. And actually, quite intentional. But guess what is decidedly not perfect or delicious or intentional? My leg. Well, the injury on [...]
r-a-n-d-o-m.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as com, day, girl, Goonies, half, half days, lyric, mortimer, nerds, niece, nobody, office christmas party, plentyoffish, purple shoes, resemblance, show, sloth, time, wonderlands
What does it mean if people often tell you that you look like someone? Like, strangers stop you and tell you this. I have to say, though, the very worst comparison that was ever made was when someone told me I look like the girl with glasses from the Goonies. That was not a compliment. [...]
loved.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bounce, broken hearts, contentment, cue, daisy, day, full bloom, gerber daisy, Happy, happy valentine, home, lump, many names, soft spot, spot, step tomorrow, tomorrow, Valentine, valentine s day, wait, yellow pants
Happy Valentine’s Day. Tonight, I am hanging out with two very special people: my friends, Betsy and Todd. And Betsy made some adorable cupcakes and let me help her decorate them. I especially liked the broken hearted one. I have a soft spot in my heart for broken hearts, I guess. Right now I feel [...]
set and re-set and let’s do it all again.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as amazon, birdsall, choreography, day, highlighter, home, homework, idea, imperfections, kind, kindergarten teacher, nobody, package, pain, rehearsal, throwing a party, today, Valentine, valentine s day, way
When I was little and went to kindergarten, I was really disappointed over the lack of homework I had to do. I thought I’d finally be like my brothers and have to do homework, too. I knew they didn’t exactly love that club, but I loved any club that involved being more like them, so [...]
“we’re all mad here.” –the cheshire cat
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby, ballet, bright stripes, brother, burst, cat, caterpillar, cheshire cat, chicken, chickenIt, dances, Darby, day, eminem, five dollars, goodness, guitar, hit, house, Jase, nobody, nobody answers, none, order, point, progression, psych, psychedelic, raps, silence, song, sort, time, time of day, today, tone, tottie
I am playing a progression of chords on the guitar. Darby starts singing baby, it’s cold outside, and goodness, but I am not playing anywhere close to the right chords for that song, but she’s making it work. So I join her. You would have done the same, trust me. ——- At any given time [...]
fashion.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as blog, brother jason, buds, Christian Bale, clothing, crazy outfits, day, fashion, foot, foot apparel, labor day, newsies, oliver, oliver twist, reflection, skin, skin tone, sneakers, tee, way
Okay, so yesterday I was getting ready for church. I pulled out a turquoise dress to wear over a cream colored little tee with faded branches and cherry buds throughout. I also wore my oliver twist boots that have replaced my favorite sneakers (until I find them, for find them, I will) as my most [...]
