the magic pill.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as being a woman, contentment, cramps, demons, doctor, good, green pennsylvania, magic pill, pain, pills, reflection, second, solution, tsk, tsk tsk, unicorn, way, while
I am going to talk about being a woman for a second.
I hope this doesn’t make anyone feel too uncomfortable.
But, see, sometimes–no, every month, actually–I get these really bad cramps.
They’ve been so bad before, that I’ve considered going to the hospital.
Anyway, I told my magical doctor about this.
(It only took me about ten years of suffering to finally do this. Yes, I could have afforded to move quicker in this particular scenario)
Okay, so maybe she’s not exactly magical–at least not in the way a unicorn is–but the little pills she gives me certainly are.
Now, I take them every month and, man, the contrast is startling.
Not only am I not in pain anymore, but I feel so good.
Magical good.
Unicorn good.
And well, my point is that the desire to feel better when you’re in pain is powerful.
And sometimes–not always, but just sometimes–being in lovely, green Pennsylvania can feel like those cramps.
And Getting Away!can feel like those magical little pills.
New York City has felt like a magical little pill.
And please don’t tsk tsk tsk and shake your head and mention how running away is not the solution.
I didn’t run away.
I was here for a while.
I slept with my demons every night.
I woke up to them and told them to be quiet, first thing.
Well, sometimes I forgot to tell them to be quiet, and I’d listen to them.
And then I’d see my therapist, and she’d tell them to be quiet.
And I know I’ve mentioned this before; there’s nothing new about this, nothing shocking about a girl who wants to get away from pain.
I mean, who can’t see their reflection in that story, right?
But, there are days when being here is easy.
Lovely, even.
When I don’t have to tell the demons to be quiet, because the sound of my own joy and contentment is a louder, bigger thing anyway.
And then there are nights when I want the magic pill of getting away from here.
When I sing songs, not really because I want to, necessarily, but because I need to.
Right now.
I need to go write something that I can sing–something louder than the sound of this discontent.
And maybe it will sound like a sad song to you, but really?
Really, it’s the sound of feeling better.
It’s the sound of GETTING AWAY! when I can’t actually get away.
Twila Tharpe said something about how art is the only way one can run away from home without the actual act of leaving.
And I agree.
And right now, that’s a magic pill.
And I’m grateful for everyone of these magic pills I’m given.
random.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as acronym, AMOUNT, apple store, bff, circle, computer, demons, doctor, exorcism, ice, important things, round, show, store, therapy session, tiny circle, tomorrow, what this means, zenith
My little laptop is not feeling so well right now. I keep asking what hurts, exactly, and all it does is show me an apple and spin a tiny circle round and round an infinite amount of times.
I don’t speak circle, so I don’t know what this means. But I’m taking it into the apple store tomorrow and I’m hoping for good news. I am trying not to worry, but I do feel a little sick in the pit of my stomach because I have some very important things written down inside that computer. Not to mention the fact that it’s a computer and these things are expensive. And not to mention my stitch sticker on the outside of it. Though I suppose if nothing else is salvageable, he really is, being so easily peelable and stuff.
Thank goodness for stickers.
This week I have two doctor’s appointments and a therapy session. By Friday I should be at the zenith of health–both physically and emotionally. Perhaps I should schedule an exorcism on Thursday; you know, just make sure I’m good and healthy in every way possible.
Kidding. I don’t really think I have any demons to get rid of.
Not anymore, anyway.
Something disturbing: apparently I have given Friendly’s the impression that we are BFFs. I have an email that says as much. I like the ice cream, this is true, but I never meant to lead it on. We’re not BFFs. I don’t really believe in one BFF—and certainly the acronym makes me cringe–but if I did have to choose one BFF, it would not be Friendly’s.
It would probably be a person, rather than a restaurant.
Probably.
Sorry, Friendly’s (though your ice cream really is delicious).
the thing itself
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bed, bed clothes, box, box spring, bridal train, demons, fear, God, jonathan, little rabbit, rabbit, sentimental/inspiration, sleep, smell, spring, thoughts/life, white rabbit
Lately sleep has been somewhat of a white rabbit for me. And I’m tired of chasing it. Heck, I’m even tired of laying down in a bed, waiting for that stupid little rabbit to stop it’s incessant running. Bottom line, I’m just plain tired. It seems that I am no better at fighting off the [...]
