whatever doesn’t kill us empowers us to sell houses.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as email, everything, google, hallelujah, hallelujah chorus, house, inbox, paper, real estate agent, time, today, tomorrow, tomorrow morning, translation, wickipedia
Oh, I got a good email in my inbox today.
At first, I didn’t know if it would be good, because it was from my real estate agent, and sometimes hearing from him is necessary, but not exactly fun. Because he’ll tell me something about how article 3 and 4 are missing and oh yeah, I need to sign about 7,9834 more papers and just one more thing: does my house have stump sumps?
Wait, no. Not stump sumps; because I just googled that and, apparently, they do not exist. At least not according to google. And if it’s not google-able and not on wickipedia, then it’s probably just NOT…right? But I promise I had to answer whether or not my house had something that sounded very similar to stump sumps in a paper I had to sign. Since I had never heard of the thing (or maybe even things?), I just said no.
I hope I was right.
But anyway, sometimes emails from my real estate guy can be frustrating. But not today–no, not at all. This time, I opened it up and read, among other things:
…Everything should be up and running by tomorrow morning. I’m finishing up the ad as we speak…
Which means that my house is going up up up and away. Translation: it’s for sale. Like, legit. Stump sumps and all. I mean, there aren’t any stump sumps. I think. But oh, can you hear the hallelujah chorus in the background? Not yet? Okay, well, I can tell you that when the thing sells, I will definitely hear it.
Because I will be singing it.
And another thing: I can do this. In fact, I have done it. Remember when you let yourself feel like you just don’t know how to do certain things–like sell houses that are rather like a ball and chain right now–and therefore you feel more overwhelmed than anything else? And your choice is to stay there or to not stay there? Well, I chose the latter and that entailed a lot of things I never thought I would do, and certainly never wanted to do.
But I did it. I had the difficult talk(s) with someone, telling him that we have to sell. I called a real estate agent. And a lawyer. I met with the real estate agent. I’ve continued to remind a certain someone to get the necessary papers together (and he has done that, for which I am grateful). I’ve gotten papers together. I’ve walked through that dumb house when I’d really rather not go there again. This thing is happening, not just cause of magic, but because of choices I’ve made (along with some pretty amazing help from friends, for which I am extremely indebted)and it’s empowering, actually.
And this is not to brag, this is just to say that I am different than I was. And ten months ago I would have thought that the difference would have been all bad, end of story, get a new book if you want a happy ending. But now? I see that the differences in me are good; that I am stronger than I thought I could be. That I am loved and helped by others on so many levels.
And gosh darn it, I am selling my house.
(now for someone to just buy it…)
orange t-shirts and why I hate them
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as brother jason, Don, email, fact, God, Heck, hi friend, Jason, orange, orange shirts, precious medals, real friends, something, world
Recently I opened my inbox to find this header for an email:
Hi friend…Can you be trusted?
And after smiling at the fact that none of my real friends would send me an email with that as the subject–I mean, certainly not now, anyway–it reminded me of something that my brother Jason and I had discussed a little while ago.
We’d like it if the dangerous people in the world, the ones who will hurt you and count you as dispensable, would have to wear something in order to kindly give the rest of us a heads up.
We specified that they wear a bright orange t-shirt.
But that could be negotiated, I suppose.
And you know that song, And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love…? Well, we could sing something similar, something like:
And we’ll know they aren’t safe by their orange shirts, their orange shirts…
I think that’s a great plan, actually.
There’s just one problem.
See, in the end, we’d all have to wear those orange t-shirts. Because the fact of the matter is that all of us hurt each other. And though some would definitely be awarded brighter orange t-shirts than others (in fact, I could hand some out personally, if you’d like), we’re still all lumped together as being imperfect. Beautiful, yes. But dangerous, definitely.
So this presents some kind of problem for me.
I’ve never had an issue with trusting people before. I generally believe what people tell me, take it at face value. I’d like to live in a world where that is possible. Believing people, I mean. I’d like to live in a world where promises are words that are binding, made of stronger stuff than the precious medals we pay so much for.
But I don’t.
And if I didn’t believe that before, I’ve learned the hard way. Somebody once told me that I can never really understand others’ pain because my life has been so perfect but I can tell you for a fact that if that were even remotely true before (though I am not convinced it was), that has definitely been taken care of.
Don’t you worry, I’ve got it now.
I think I’m starting to comprehend what this whole pain phenomena is all about. Is there a union to join? Some kind of card-carrying club I can be a part of? Sign me up. Heck, most nights are free anyway–I’ll go to your meetings and I’ll sell your cookies or whatever to raise the funds.
Because I totally and enthusiastically get it now.
But this lesson–I don’t want it to be the final say. I’ve been in contact with some people who have, for me, worn the brightest colored orange t-shirt that they make, but I’d still like some other lessons to crowd out this one.
I’d like to trust. God knows, that’s the truth.
But I’m scared. God knows, that’s the truth too.
So which will win out? Fear or trust? That’s up to me, I guess.
But in the meantime I am going to try to wear any color shirt but an orange one, metaphorically speaking. I’m also gonna leave a pretty wide berth between me and those who are wearing those bright orange tees.
It’s not personal. I just don’t really like the orange t-shirt look anymore and really, after what I’ve been through, can you blame me?
