keeping it real. fo real fo real.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as big gaping holes, chance, cheese, closet, dark closet, decision, everything, expert, frog, frog skeleton, husbands and wives, little frog, magic wand, maze, messy closet, need, powerful words, purse, safety pin, safety pins
I’ve stopped carrying a purse. I now shove everything I need into my pockets and hope for the best. Considering my purse is being held together by safety pins–and still has big gaping holes in some places (a safety pin is no magic wand, after all)–I figure this is a good decision.
I don’t understand what it is that makes strangers talk to me, but it happens all the time. Just now, when I was about to walk down to the subway, a man blurts out to me, “My wife hates me.”
I stop; those are powerful words, after all.
“I doubt that,” I say. But now that I think about it, I shouldn’t doubt that statement. Many husbands and wives end up hating each other. Love fades so easily. It’s the perfectly healthy, stout little frog that jumped into my very messy closet when I was a little girl. Poor thing had no chance in that maze of clothes with no food or water. I found a sad pile of little frog bones much, much later.
We wonder why, after we’ve hopped blindly into a dark closet–away from any and all nourishment–we find our relationships no longer in tact. Not that I’m an expert. If I’m an expert at anything, it’s finding the frog skeleton. Someday I’d like to find the healthy little frog; someday I’d like to say LOOK! I KEPT HIM ALIVE! And then live happily ever after. I’ll even do the dishes. Well, when I remember. But I probably won’t mow the lawn and I definitely won’t watch tv every night. Sorry, there are just some things I will not do.
The details of our lives are so good at keeping things in perspective, huh? So many people–mostly those who I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting in real life–tell me to please “keep it real.” And maybe these people don’t realize that I am the girl who walks around with a large chunk of cheese in her bag. Sure, it’s because I met friends at Whole Foods for dinner, and, seeing the cheese on sale for $2.79, simply had to buy that along with dinner and then stick it in my bag for the rest of the night–but, the fact remains: cheese. In my bag. All night long. Sexy, I know.
I guess what I am saying is that if ever started to think too highly of myself walking around in my super cool earmuffs that make my ears all squishy and warm, then all I need to do it glance into my canvas bag and see a large and orange hunk of cheese. I mean, I don’t think the glamorous women of the world carry around cheese. I might be wrong. Perhaps Madonna, cheese in hand, would say otherwise.
Also, this: every night I go to sleep wearing a retainer in my mouth.
So, I guess my point is that I have found a dead frog in my closet. Both for real AND metaphorically speaking. I walk around with cheese in my bag. I sleep with a retainer. If those things don’t keep it real, then God help us all.
got straps?
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as apartment, back pack, backpack, breaking my heart, car, conviction, disappointment, dolly, everything, Free, gig bag, grip, pack, pack straps, repeat, revelation, sam ash, today, use, zippers
I don’t quite remember when it was that I got my red keyboard, but I’ve had it for months now. Months and months. Not a full year yet, but definitely months.
And I have been toting it one-handed all the while. Never knowing it could be any different. Never realizing that life was only one tiny revelation away from being SO. MUCH. BETTER.
Because, see, I go to Sam Ash today. I had to do a gig tonight and was prepared to bring all my instruments. Well, all two of them, anyway. But, I need to buy a stand for my keyboard, and get to talking to the salesman. “How in the world do you guys tote everything around on the subway?” I ask.
“I have a car,” he admits.
Must be nice.
“But you have a Nord, you say?” he asks, and I confirm.
“Yeah, I got a dolly to roll it around,” I add.
“Why don’t you use the straps?” he says.
“The straps?” I repeat.
“The straps,” he repeats, this time.
“Uh…there are only tiny straps–and I do use them–I grip ‘em with one hand…”
“No, the back pack straps. YOU DO HAVE A NORD, RIGHT?”
“Yeah, a Nord,” I agree.
“And you have the Nord case–the red one?”
I nod.
“Then, use the back pack straps. Wear it on your back. Free your hands.”
“I’ve never seen those straps…” I say, but this time with a little less conviction.
“GIRL,” the salesman says slowly and directly, like he’s speaking to a monkey who is just learning his commands, “UNZIP THE ZIPPERS ON THE BACK. PULL OUT THOSE STRAPS. WEAR. YOUR. NORD. ON. YOUR. BACK.”
I say thank you and decide to try just that when I get back to my apartment. But I don’t expect it to necessarily happen. It’s the heart that is well-acquainted with disappointment that learns to keep things in check; to not rely on much until it’s tangible, you know. Don’t need no backpack strap-less gig bag breaking my heart. Not on an otherwise lovely Monday.
And, wonders of wonders, it works! It feels like magic, unzipping those hidden (well, previously to my eyes, anyway) zippers and pulling out those back pack straps. I strap the thing onto my back and walk proudly around the apartment, showing Betsy how much better my life has gotten in just the last sixty seconds.
You guys, I feel so bamf walking around the city with my keyboard strapped to my back. I mean, to be completely honest, it does get a little heavy after a while, and, not used to having my keys, my uke, and the stand on me in the subway, I did accidentally hit someone with the uke (“YOU GOT MY EYE!” a guy yelled. I felt horrible. But then he told me he was okay. And then I felt better)–but still, I can haul all my stuff all by myself and if that’s not the definition of a strong woman, then I don’t know what is.
And just think–what other revelations are just around the corner, waiting to make life better?
Now, if only my keyboard stand could be folded into ear muffs or something; life would be just about perfect.
FINALLY.
my song is on itunes; and life is life is life is life is life.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as broadway show, canvas tote bag, chinatown bus, chorus line, deep sense, everything, expressive language, face, God, half, hubbub, practice kindness, reason, reservoir, song, spring, tears in my eyes, tomato, tomato soup, way
There is a half eaten bowl of tomato soup right next to me. At first, I almost burnt it because I was so distracted with all the hubbub of my song going live on itunes. And then, after barely rescuing it from that, I let it go cold before I could even finish it. And, [...]
Ain’t my friend (lyrics/chords).
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby, bridge, call, everything, feelings, fly, friendship, fuss, little bit, lyrics and chords, melodies, Oh-oh-oh, pain, redemption, song, time, truth, two cents, wanna, way
I’ve seen a lot of requests for the lyrics and chords of this song bouncing around the Internet. So, I figured I’d put them in one place to refer people to, when asked. It’s funny, when I wrote this song over the summer, I never imagined so many people would hear it, let alone like [...]
ain’t my friend.
in MP3, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as confines, dogs and cats, everything, Jess, laundry, LOSE, massive amounts, mounds, perfection, person, phone, stranger, subway, tea, tiny bit, tiny room, verge, version, weird word
It’s late. I mean, even for my brother out in California, it’s late. Which means that in New York City? All the normal people are already sleeping. Which begs a question: what’s a normal person? ……… Right. That’s what I suspected. But! Today, I drank tea and spoke with friends about being pregnant. Well, more [...]
cat-bird.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as blond hair, brooklyn oh, Cat-bird, christmas gift list, cinderella, day in my life, dressing room, everything, favorite shop, gift, homemade cards, pair, room downstairs, shop, store, time, today, unicorn, vintage store, way, Write
I took myself out tonight. Put a dress on and everything. By everything, I suppose I mean boots and a jacket, too. I don’t know, really. It just felt right to add the word everything. Anyway, I ended up in Brooklyn. Oh, who am I kidding–I knew I would end up there. See, it’s just [...]
strange (and wonderful) as fiction.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as advil, advil pm, boom box, business, Chuckie, everything, feeling the same way, girl, idea, kind, open mic, own pizza, poker face, stage, story, therapy session, trombonist, way
I really wonder where to start. I remember feeling the same way at my first therapy session. Luckily for me, there was this one glaring, um, situation that led me–no, more like paraded me! With banners and balloons and countless advil pm’s later!–into my therapist’s office, so I had an idea of where to start, but still. [...]
change.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as being shy, case in point, chance, change, conversations, direction, drive thru, everything, Excuse, hard time, lauryn hill, life, moment, philadelphia, please touch museum, rehearsals, show, Touch, wasting time, way
I’m different, guys. No, it’s true. Like, something happened inside of me somewhere along the way that made me less afraid or something. I like people so tremendously. Life is so interesting and people contribute a lot to make it so. But, right–I’m different now, I think. Case in point: Today, I ran into a [...]
september.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as breathing, chills, consciousness, ears, everything, excerpt from, fantasticks, girl, glen, gosh, hand, head, lifetime, memory, reason, time, vines, wax, woodchucks
Oh, gosh. This. Listen to this: You wonder how these things begin. Well, this begins with a glen. It begins with a season which, For want of a better word, we might as well call–September. It begins with a forest where the woodchucks woo And leaves wax green. And vines entwined like lovers, try to [...]
