good/bad news.

The good news is that I discovered an abs class at my gym that makes my abs wonder what it is they ever did to me anyway. The bad news is that it now hurts to laugh.

The good news is that the instructor is also a massage therapist, and even told me that she’d give me a session for free because she’d love to work on my body. The bad news is that, from what I gathered, it’s a new technique she created that involves massaging with her feet. I’ll have to let you know. And heck yes, I’m doing it because FREE MASSAGE, YA’LL.  And yes, that’s the first time I’ve ever said or written the word ya’ll. In fact, I wonder if that is how you spell it.

The good news is that I found some cute underwear for 20% off the already low price of $1.95. The bad news is that apparently I still have to do laundry. Because there always seem to be more days than underwear. And yes, you can quote me on that.

The good news is that I was looking through some pictures of me in the photo box marked Jessica and man, was I a cute little blonde version of my brothers. The bad news is that there were quite a few pictures that I had to throw away. And if you don’t know why this is–one word: archives.

The good news is that my skin is no longer dry dry dry and flaking off like it’s always winter and never Christmas. The bad news is that it might be trying to teach me a lesson in gratitude because now it’s breaking out. Great. Maybe a song is in order: Breaking Out is Hard to Do. Only, wait. It’s actually easy; just look at me.

The good news is that I cut my toenails yesterday, a task that I always congratulate myself on because it really does seem like both such a hassle and a chore. A chassle, if you will. Which I did when I cut my toenails. The bad news is that I cut one toenail too short, making my poor toe bleed and now hurt like the dickens no matter how many times I try to explain to it that it’s just a little toe, that it shouldn’t be quite so powerful in terms of making my quality of life suffer.

The good news is that I got home tonight with the grand idea of making myself a fried egg sandwich. I took out the frying pan, buttered it while it sat on top of the stove, only to look in the fridge and discover that the bad news is that we have no eggs. So there I was, cooking butter for nothing.

The good news is that I doubled the recipe of mac and cheese that I made two nights ago, assuring that there would be plenty of leftovers for days to come, since mac and cheese leftovers is actually something I enjoy. The bad news is that once I realized I was cooking butter for nothing, I decided to have some mac and cheese only to discover that was gone, baby, gone too.

The good news is that my pop walked in with some Chinese food leftovers right after I discovered that a). we had no eggs for my fried egg sandwich and b). we had no mac and cheese for my mac and cheese leftovers. The bad news is that I don’t particularly love Chinese food, but as it was ACTUALLY THERE, I ate some.

The good news is that I am going to see my brother graduate from the UCLA screenwriting master’s degree program in June (which he didn’t know until now). The bad news is that airlines now charge you for a seat as well as the flight. I would like to know what their going rate for a flight without a seat is, but they are not forthcoming with that information. I wonder if the seat belt will cost extra too.

The good news is that I am going to sleep with clean, wet hair. The bad news is that I will either look really cool or really crazy when I get up in the morning, though they are not necessarily mutually exclusive.