what. an. offer.
in Funny Stuff, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as Boundaries, business, business man, envelopes, fifties, girl, hug, Humans, life, midtown, muscles, penn station, place, seventh avenue, something, sunny day, super bowl, tch, thread, weekend
These pictures have nothing whatsoever to do with what I’m about to write. Except for the fact that they are pictures of me, and well, I am writing about my life. So I suppose there is some thread of connection, after all. And, oh, they are from when I played Fashion Delivers last weekend.
Anyway.
Today was an interesting, sunny day.
Lots of people out and about.
I mean, it is New York City. The place is jam-packed with people. That’s partly why I love it. Humans are fascinating, I think. Never boring. Especially not today.
First, there is the guy outside Penn Station. He comes out of nowhere and envelopes me in a huge hug. My sense of boundaries are pushed and prodded with that one, I have to admit. But he is nice enough. Says something about my smile and the angels. But then he mentions football, so I am confused. Maybe he is still high on the super bowl win or something, I don’t know.
Then, there is the guy in midtown, on seventh avenue. Looks to be somewhere in his fifties. A business man, dressed up and stuff.
He slowly walks up to me. “You are so exotic,” he tells me, making this Pennsylvania born and bred girl laugh a little. “I just love your sense of style, too,” he mentions, and I thank him. “You’re from here?” he asks, and I nod my head, not wanting to delve into where I’m from with him, so here suits me just fine. Sure, I’m from seventh avenue today.
“Well,” he continues, “You probably want some young guy–with muscles and all that–but that’s overrated.”
I just listen.
“Would you do me a favor?” he asks, before saying, “If I give you my number and promise you that I will be the best white b*tch you’ve ever had, will you call me?”
Is this happening? I wonder and then realize he’s actually waiting for an answer.
Waiting for me to either accept or refute his offer to be the BEST WHITE B*TCH I’VE EVER HAD. I am not sure there’s any competition; I am not sure, in fact, that I’ve ever even had one, to be honest.
I quickly mumble something about how my *boyfriend* would not like that.
The guy leans in and lowers his voice, “But he wouldn’t have to know,” he tells me, like we two could share the best secret known to man.
Oh, what fun.
“That wouldn’t work for me,” I tell him. “I’m honest.”
He looks disappointed and starts to walk away, but before he does, he asks, “Your boyfriend–how old is he?
“Twenty-seven,” I say, pulling a number out of the air.
He shakes his head. “You shoulda been with a twenty-seven year old when you were in high school,” he mutters as he makes his exit.
I don’t think my parents would agree with that sentiment.
And that might have been the weirdest exchange I’ve had with a stranger to date. Or at least, it’s in the top three, I’d say.
Gosh, best white b*tch I’ve ever had.
And I walked away, folks; just walked away.
THANK GOD.
lucky and stuff.
in Loved Ones, Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as caps, earphones, FOUR, friday night, friday nights, girl, help, kind, lucky girl, muscles, polo shirt, pop, purse, rap, recording, snare drum, song, ukulele, weight
“This is for you,” my pop told me, handing me an adorable little purse across the table tonight.
“It’s a recording present…and it has a ukulele on it!”
And look at that–isn’t it so adorable? I am one very lucky girl.
And WE DID IT!
We recorded FOUR SONGS in just under TWO DAYS. And, I must say, I am so excited about these tracks. I keep listening to them. In fact, I went to the gym tonight (yes, I’m the girl who goes to the gym on a Friday night. Romantic, I know)–but, I was in the weight room and listening to this one part of my song that breaks down into a rap. And there’s this rolling snare drum that just makes me SO EXCITED (that’s why I used caps, guys, cause caps are EXCITING!), I cannot help but dance when I hear it. So, I am standing there with one weight in my hand while the rest of me is sort of dancing, when one of the trainers walks up to me.
“What are you listening to that’s making you dance?” he asks.
And for a second, I can’t even hear him, my music is blasting so loud through my earphones. I see that he’s not going to stop asking me whatever it is he’s asking, so I regrettably stop the music and listen to his question.
And am instantly embarrassed and evasive.
“Oh…” I say, scrambling to think of something–ANYTHING!–other than: “Myself. I am listening to myself and it’s making me dance. And, oh yeah. I don’t go on dates on Friday nights–I go to the gym. At least you’re here because you’re getting paid to be here; I cannot say the same about myself…”
Right, so I don’t want to say that, so I say, “Oh…it’s nobody you would know…” and just kind of hope he goes away.
But he keeps standing right in front of me, staring, muscles bulging through his polo shirt, looking like he’s ready to talk to me about whatever it is that’s making me dance —even if it takes all night. Or at least until ten, when the Y closes.
“What kind of answer is that?!” he says, “Come on, what are you listening to?!”
“Uh…myself? I am listening to myself…” I finally admit. “I didn’t want to tell you that I was dancing to my music. That’s kind of embarrassing to be caught doing. I mean, I never thought anyone would ever ask me what was making me dance…”
And then that led to a whole conversation about me being a musician and then another guy came over and, having talked to me at my parents’ Y last time I was in town, asked me if I’ve cut some weight. Cut some weight. Not lost it. Huge body building men have their own language, guys. So I admitted that I might have. “But not on purpose–I’ve just been so busy lately, that I keep forgetting to eat.”
Which, once these guys got over the shock and incredulity of anyone EVER forgetting to eat, of all things, led to us talking about what’s happened since youtube happened to me.
And then I came home and played the tracks for my parents and one of their dogs. Strider seemed to enjoy it. Well, he slept through it, but he seemed to enjoy whenever I scratched his ears–and my tracks were playing when I was doing it–so there’s that. My parents listened to it in a kind of reverie, smiling or moving a little or closing their eyes (but unlike Strider, I am pretty sure they didn’t fall asleep).
My nephew and brother are geniuses in the studio. Their help is immeasurable and I could not do this without them.
Like I said, I am one lucky girl.
whiskey words.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as buy, cough syrup, draughts, emotional equivalent, equivalent, ethiopian, fancy prices, girl, love, melodies, pull, Shakey, sober moments, sobriety, steel guitar, story, time, whiskey, whiskeys
There are certain people who, just by being within earshot, make me feel like telling them every last thing I’ve felt or thought, seen or heard. I guess you could say they’re the emotional equivalent of a long hard pull of whiskey. Which reminds me of the ethiopian bar I went to last night. “It [...]
the week in pictures.
in Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as bob, Buoyant, few words, friend kevin, friend nick, friendships, gift, girl, half, heart, Jess, life, little apple, lucky girl, mittens, new friend, nothing, puppy, sign, something, Speaking, tonight, water, year
And a few words, too, I guess. Today, I marveled at life. I’m feeling all whole and full inside lately. Buoyant, even. Like a little apple that continues to happily bob along in the water. It’s really good. Life is really good. And lately, I’ve been feeling it. “Nothing cataclysmically amazing has happened,” I told [...]
stability like the rain; stability like forgiveness.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as being a nurse, Chinatown, downpour, eaves, ebb, ebb and flow, flow, flow of the tide, forgiveness, girl, glimpses, house, incredible sound, Merry Christmas, nurse, ocean, sound of rain, stability, stable career, tree
Nights like this, I like to gaze at the tree. But what you can’t gather from this picture, is the incredible sound of rain falling outside. It’s incessant, encompassing, and oddly comforting. Like the sound of stability. But that’s not a beautiful word; not like the rain. Stability. “I want to have a stable career,” [...]
in which I use caps locks generously.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as deaf man, ELEVEN, family, friend joe, girl, gratitude, HEAR, HOW, humility, l train, landenberg, mail, package, post office, posture, time, uke, ukulele, Voice, way
Today was a gem. And now I feel all shiny and gem-like because of it. I got to go mail a package at the post office. And listen to a mostly-deaf man try to listen to a post office employee tell him how much it will cost to mail the package he was sending. “Eleven [...]
strange (and wonderful) as fiction.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as advil, advil pm, boom box, business, Chuckie, everything, feeling the same way, girl, idea, kind, open mic, own pizza, poker face, stage, story, therapy session, trombonist, way
I really wonder where to start. I remember feeling the same way at my first therapy session. Luckily for me, there was this one glaring, um, situation that led me–no, more like paraded me! With banners and balloons and countless advil pm’s later!–into my therapist’s office, so I had an idea of where to start, but still. [...]
Happy.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as cash register, conversations, critical condition, dark, dark night of the soul, fragile hearts, girl, Happy, Integrity, life, look at your eyes, mess, money, series, survivor, tonight, uncertainty, waiting room, while
“Well, you look happy,” the guy behind the cash register told me tonight. “That’s because I am,” I said, smiling. And I wish that I could go back to the girl laying in bed, believing–no, convinced–that she would never be happy again. That life was nothing more than a series of appropriate times to brush [...]
september.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as breathing, chills, consciousness, ears, everything, excerpt from, fantasticks, girl, glen, gosh, hand, head, lifetime, memory, reason, time, vines, wax, woodchucks
Oh, gosh. This. Listen to this: You wonder how these things begin. Well, this begins with a glen. It begins with a season which, For want of a better word, we might as well call–September. It begins with a forest where the woodchucks woo And leaves wax green. And vines entwined like lovers, try to [...]
mishmash.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as admittance, being a man, birthday, cheating men, Dann, dead soldiers, fit, girl, hardship, Harper, having a girl, human spirit, kind, lucky girl, pop, second thought, subway, time, us army, war stuff
A recent conversation between me and one of my new loves, Dann Dunn: Me: For my first anniversary after…well, you know… (Dann shakes his head, cause he knows) Me:…My parents took me to Gettysburg. … Me again: And then for my birthday this year, they took me to Harper’s Ferry. You know, more Civil War [...]
