managed and stuff.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful people, bouquet, business, contact, eaves, floorboards, gifts god, hard time, house, kind, life, Manager, music business, open doors, porch, quietness, reason, someone, time
I played the piano for a long time tonight. I played until the snow covered the floorboards of my parents’ porch; covered the wooden eaves of the house; covered the whole world, it seemed.
Snow happens every year; but it always feels new, anyway. I like the parts of life that are like that; the parts that make my eyes widen in wonder while the rest of me feels all of seven years old again.
I am now working with a manager. He is kind and funny and smart and moves things along. He has worked with people whose names are now brands, basically. He says I am magical; to contact him, contact him, contact him. For any reason.
I have a hard time with this kind of stuff sometimes. There is a part of me that is not magical or adorable or even likable, really. It is the part that is insecure. The part that does not want to be a burden–not to anyone–but, especially not to someone who knows more about the music business than I do about the color of my hair. Which isn’t saying much, lately, because I really am not quite sure what color my hair is.
But, this is the part of life when I step it up. I see the open doors and I walk through them. Like I belong there. I do not quietly hang back, as is my nature–I take whatever has been given me and I weave it into a bright and shiny LIFE. Quietness and hanging back has its place, sure–but usually just when you’re at a wedding and the bride is about to toss the bouquet. THAT IS THE TIME TO BE QUIET AND HANG BACK.
Not when you have a manager who is now on your team. Wants you to succeed. Believes that you will. You effing will.
And then there is the part of you that believes that you have, you effing have. You know it when you look inside your heart and find all the beautiful people there. When you realize that you’re doing what you can with the gifts God has given you. When you continue to be you–because that’s all any of us ever can be. That’s the highest calling.
To be the best darn you imaginable.
Cheers to that.
And to my manager.
Cause he’s really very great.
what’s been occupying my time since Wednesday evening in pennsylvania.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as birth, birth center, black marker, boughs of holly, brand new baby, center, drinking, golden hour, grilled cheese sandwich, house, peanut, pennsylvania countryside, recording, recording music, show, singing christmas carols, sister, tape, time, tiny piano
*visiting my friend’s brand new baby at the birth center*singing christmas carols*attending my nieces’ play*singing at a house show*baking loaves (and loaves!) of bread*wrapping presents with my sister*drawing pictures*making cards*recording music*lots of yoga*eating (drinking?) a peanut butter milkshake*receiving oddly wonderful gifts–i.e.: an old school walkman, complete with large headphones and a real cassette tape with the words, big beats, tiny piano scrawled across it in black marker and also, opening up a box of chocolate covered edamame*reuniting with some friends for life*hearing someone tell me, “If I ever ran into the people who’ve been unkind to you, I’d deck ‘em! And NOT with boughs of holly, either.”*eating a grilled cheese sandwich across the table from a friend I don’t see often enough* telling as many people as I can to have a merry christmas*gazing at the tree–so brightly lit, like it’s trying to get my attention (and it worked)*playing the ukulele*wishing I could give a present to every person I know, just about*loving the pennsylvania countryside, especially during that golden hour when the light is waning*getting laughed at by an elderly female stranger because my shirt and pants don’t match (yeah, I know; I did it on purpose)*missing Latshaw-WEST, cause it’s not the same, not nearly the same, without them*feeling like smiling more often than not lately*still crying sometimes, but realizing that it’s often like a summer storm; the clouds roll in quickly, and just as quickly roll out*wearing dresses and boots*reading stories–real stories!–that have nothing whatsoever to do with me, a refreshing change from self-anlaytical books, I must say*actually, truly, NO REALLY! I AM! looking forward to tomorrow, to Christmas, smiling a little thinking about it, even, so–ain’t that something?
Ain’t that something, indeed.
stability like the rain; stability like forgiveness.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as being a nurse, Chinatown, downpour, eaves, ebb, ebb and flow, flow, flow of the tide, forgiveness, girl, glimpses, house, incredible sound, Merry Christmas, nurse, ocean, sound of rain, stability, stable career, tree
Nights like this, I like to gaze at the tree. But what you can’t gather from this picture, is the incredible sound of rain falling outside. It’s incessant, encompassing, and oddly comforting. Like the sound of stability. But that’s not a beautiful word; not like the rain. Stability. “I want to have a stable career,” [...]
you said WHAT?
in Funny Stuff
as cardboard, clear as day, glass, good sense, gosh, haunches, house, life, mind, monkey house, neo nazi, question, silverback, silverback gorillas, sister, today, wilds, zoo, zoo keeper, zoo keepers
I find life utterly and unanimously fascinating. Which is why I was pumping a zoo keeper today for information about the gorillas, while we were in the monkey house. Because the silverback gorillas who were just chilling, eating cardboard and scratching their heads while sitting back on their respective haunches were totally fascinating. And I [...]
joshua tree national park.
in Loved Ones, there are pictures here
as boulders, camera, camera lens, carpets, consensus, discrepancy, east tomorrow, green, heart, house, Jase, joshua, joshua tree national park, lens, nbsp, park, seventies, sort, tomorrow
Don’t worry, Jase was jumping, too. Just from behind the camera lens. And all those boulders behind us? We climbed them. And there was quite a discrepancy over my hat. The general consensus was that it is yellow; I maintain it’s a sort of green. The kind of green you’d find on the carpets [...]
knowledge when I’d rather not know.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful things, closets, dear god, devastation, house, innocence, kind, knowledge, landenberg pa, little heart, natural disaster, pain, pantry, Perfect, prayer, shame, story, time, utopian garden, way
The very first devastation I was introduced to occurred when I was still small. It was the realization that people I loved very much would someday die. That was just about too much for my soft little heart to handle, and I spent many moments ducking into nearby closets and pantries (yes, my parents’ house [...]
boo. nevermind.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as amish ways, cereal, course, darn, deference, hardwood, hardwood floor, house, kind, modesty, nevermind, rehearsal, Saturday, Saturdays, short shorts, stab, stoltzfus, tomorrow, wake, wonderful things
There are two wonderful things already in the works for tomorrow: a). The lovely Mr. Stoltzfus, who my parents have hired to do some work on the house, will not be hammering hardwood floor directly above my room at 6:30 in the morning. This also means that I can wear my customary really short shorts [...]
thursday+friday.
in Loved Ones, Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as Boysetsfire, Brilliant, brilliant musician, cherry hill, gonna share, good fun, house, hurricane, love, new rap, recording, sass, share, song, state of delaware, studio, tax collectors, while, white horse, Yesterday
Yesterday, me and my nephew Jonah made some magic happen in the studio.Seriously, he’s a WIZ at recording. Brilliant musician. Smart smart smart. And pretty adorable, to boot. I can’t wait to share what we did, but it’s not quite finished yet, so I am practicing restraint. Not gonna share it until it’s actually ready. [...]
what the????
in Funny Stuff, there are pictures here
as administrative assistant, answering phones, apartment, asset management firm, assistant, black eye, city, cover, creative projects, flexible hours, girl, home, house, life, midtown, part time work, playfulness, response, tons of fun, way
Here it is. Documented. My black eye. I suppose it will teach me to pay better attention in capoeira. And in life. Because tonight I was coming back from Brooklyn (I was doing this in Brooklyn!)– and I might as well have been coming back from my parents’ house in PA–it took me that long to [...]
