First page of the hymn archive.

Well with my soul.

Posted by jessica on Apr 5, 2011 with 15 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
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The nighttime is magnificent; the spring, the fresh start that I need. You know that old hymn (does anyone else love the way the ‘n’ sits in close to the ‘m’? It makes the word, I think. So very different from ‘him’–though it sounds the same)–but the hymn, ‘It is well with my soul’?

I feel that way right now.

If you don’t mind, I’m reveling in it, for it’s a special thing to feel this way.

Oh gosh, I miss italics. I’ve been blogging from my phone for the past week and a half and the worst part about this is that I have no ability to italicize words. When I get a computer again, I will have to italicize everything for at least a week straight. So if you wonder at my emphatic zeal, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Why do I feel so well in my soul? I’m not quite sure. Maybe all these feints at trust are starting to be the real thing. Maybe I’m actually doing better. Maybe progress is much more definable than I sometimes think. Maybe it’s more like falling in love. You know, you remember when it happened, or at least when you realized it. You were captured by the revelation and all he did was hand you ketchup. But suddenly you weren’t just eating a sandwich; you were a girl in love, eating a sandwich. You didn’t need the sandwich anymore; it was a prop–it helped to build the scene, make it look real and presentable so the onlookers had the suspension of disbelief, thought that this was all that was happening: ketchup. Sandwiches. A girl and a boy.

But like I said, you no longer needed the sandwich. You could get anywhere on this. You could get to the moon and back on love. And suddenly you knew it.

Maybe I know I’m moving towards better. Maybe my heart is tentatively feeling around for some ground that does not crumble and is not made of someone who can leave, and is therefore precarious.

Maybe it was warm enough for shorts today and the night air was downright kind. Soft against my legs and arms.

Maybe I started a new song with my writing partner (how do you like the sound of that, Shane? And if my brother Jason can have one, why can’t I?); maybe I had a great conversation with a new friend; maybe I had a half of a piece of a half of a piece of cheesecake.

And maybe I know that all this right here is good. And all this right here matters.

And it is well with my soul.
Yes, yes, yes it is.

how great thou art

Posted by jessica on Oct 30, 2009 with No Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings, video
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Teach me a hymn, I entreated one day while we were driving in the car.

A hymn? Drew asked skeptically.
Yes, a hymn. I don’t know any, you know.
And I didn’t. Well, not unless you count Amazing Grace, which everybody knows anyway, so I don’t.
See, I grew up in a church that sang songs more likely to be written by a guy sporting a pony tail and no shoes than anyone who had ever graduated with a masters degree in sacred music. And I love those simple songs we sang. All about hope, redemption, our need for a Savior, and who needs more than three or four chords in one song anyway?
But then I met Drew.
He grew up in a church with hymns. They sang them on Sunday mornings–and Wednesday nights, too, I’d imagine. They had books with notes written on the pages and people who read the notes with the text, singing harmonies because they were reading them and not just because they heard them somewhere in their head.
And it’s not like I didn’t know about hymns. I would hear them every once in a while and they would haunt me in a wonderful way. At funerals. At weddings. I even learned some in order to sing in my friend’s Catholic wedding. And for me, discovering these old songs might be something like discovering your parent’s old Beetles albums in the attic. This music that had been moving people for generations had finally reached me and I was entranced by the poetry of the text, glad to be another person to sing this song that had been so deeply worn in by many others before me.
So I started asking Drew to teach me some of those hymns. And though he was a little bewildered by my request at first, pretty soon he got into it too.
The first one he taught me was How Great Thou Art. The imagery in the lyrics is perfect. I loved the thought of connecting what we could see and hear with the wonder of who God is. It made creation personal. Like instead of just reading the newspaper, something that was for the masses, I was reading a letter, an encouraging letter that helped me believe. That helped me have hope.
And pretty soon we were both belting out that hymn in the car. He was holding the melody steady while patiently singing a certain section over and over again at my request so I could get my harmony just right.
And inside I felt a sense of wonder.
And lately, I have been playing this hymn over and over again. Sadly, I’ve had to trade the car for random closets and basements; Drew for my guitar. And I’ve also added some lyrics of my own, not because what they were wasn’t perfect, but because it’s how I am feeling right now, and so it helps.
(lyrics in bold are my own)
Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder
consider all the worlds thy hands have made
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
and then I know, my God, how great thou art

I see this world, and what a beautiful mess it is
and then I see the way you gently enter in
You take my heart, you hold all the million pieces
and then, my God, you make me whole again

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee
How great thou art, how great thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee
How great thou art, how great thou art

I look for signs, for some kind of reassurance
and then I see the mountains in the distance
and I believe, I take creation’s word for it
for everything I see speaks of a God who makes a difference

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee
How great thou art, how great thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee
How great thou art, how great thou art…