And nope, I never did read that book.

But see, I go to my website’s dashboard in order to write a new post and every day, right at the top, it says something like, Akismet has kept your blog free from 128 spam comments today. And I am left indebted to this nebulous Akismet.

And curious.

Who is he, exactly? And is he single? Obviously he’s got a job, so that’s a good sign. And I mean, if he sounds like his name, then the only logical conclusion would be that he’s probably an ancient Egyptian spirit of some sort and I should also probably see about getting him a pyramid sometime soon. I know that the zoning laws around here prevented my parents’ from building the pond they had wanted, but I wonder how good ole PA would feel about a pyramid?

So now my to-do list looks something like this:

• wrap up Esther the Musical
• sell my stupid wedding dress
• finish memorizing the song I wrote for an upcoming show
• go back to the family court in order to finish filing for a divorce
• find out how to go about building a pyramid

Oh, and I need to add one more thing to that sensible list:

• eat four, yes FOUR! bailey’s irish creme cupcakes

Because when I was about to get into bed, I picked up a pillow and found this tonight:

Pretty sure the Tooth Fairy has been put out of business.

So let it be known that in the great Case of the Stolen Cupcake of ’10, restitution has been made. More than made, I would say.

And now it looks like I am going to have a party. A cupcake party. Cause I am going to need help to eat these things. If you’d like to attend, just let me know.

And you want to know what I’ve now successfully crossed off my to-do list?

• attending the funniest and maybe most pointless (other than it made me laugh!) rehearsal ever.

Which was tonight. See, Shane and I are playing at this benefit concert for Haiti at UofD tomorrow night. It’s kind of cool that we get to play because it was pretty legit in the sense that you had to submit a video and everything in order to get selected. So we were notified that we were, indeed, selected and then we were notified that we have to come to a rehearsal for the show at ten p.m., Wednesday night.

And at ten we walk into the room and see a huge group of people all singing We Are the World on the stage. So, naturally, Shane just goes and joins them. On the stage. And yes, I’m a lemming, so yes, I do too.

Though neither of us know the song. And neither of us are supposed to be singing it anyway.

But we sit there on the stage and everybody around us is belting out nice lyrics about something collective and something supportive, and there we are: sitting while laughing in the way that you do when you don’t want to look like you’re laughing cause everybody else is being really serious around you.

And then they decide to do the whole song over again and Shane looks pleased as punch to be sitting among them–still on the stage, I might add!–and I ask him if we can please go sit somewhere else. He finally relents and we go to a less conspicuous area which basically means we are no longer on the stage as the only two people who don’t know the song that everybody else is so passionately relaying.

Thank. God.

And then the guy in charge tells us that it’s our turn to rehearse on stage. But there are no microphones and no cable to plug in Shane’s guitar; guess we’re just doing this one for ourselves. Oh, and there is also a pretty big, mostly female a cappella group already practicing on the right half of the stage. The guy tells us to just go on over to the left side of the stage and practice anyway.  Cause it’s not like a whole other song being played and sung directly to their left is going to bother a group that has no background music.

And then, to make the practice even more interesting, the guy in charge follows us and sits right in front of us, cross legged. He then takes out his phone, sets it to stop watch mode, and proceeds to tell us to “go.”

So Shane starts playing and we start singing and then–surprise, surprise!–the a cappella group gets annoyed and someone walks over and asks us to please stop. The guy in charge stops his stop watch and Shane and I stop our playing and then that’s it. The rehearsal is over and we are more than ready for tomorrow night, I suppose.

We look at each other, laugh, and both agree it was one of the best practices ever.

Too bad Akismet doesn’t keep me from silly practices like he keeps my blog from spam comments, I guess.

The good news is that my mom bought me a bailey’s irish creme cupcake; the bad news is that my pop ate it first.

The good news is that my mom then gave me her coconut cupcake; the bad news is that it was not the bailey’s irish creme cupcake I had really been looking forward to.

The good news is that my mom knows the rules of restitution; the bad news is that, according to her, my pop now owes me four cupcakes. I suppose he will have to become The Cupcake Fairy along with already being The Milk Fairy. And then I will have to have a party in which I invite a few friends to help me eat my plethora of cupcakes and, oh yeah, help me keep fitting in my jeans.

The good news is that I have really been doing my part in going green by only averaging about two showers a week lately; the bad news is that you are now probably judging me. Oh, and it may be that much more difficult to ever start dating again unless I up my showers to at least three per week. Maybe even four if we’re talking clean hair more often than not.

The good news is that I sent off my bling in my mail-ordered break-up box today; the bad news is that it has come to this: a couple of pieces of jewelry that used to mean the moon and back and now simply mean a check and a bad taste in my mouth. Yep, coulda really used that cupcake.

The good news is that my stylist waved something of a magic wand today and got rid of my roots; the bad news is I’m thinking he’s not in love with my super magic blond hair since he’s already discussing with me ‘the plan’ to go darker again. Something about carmel. But don’t get all excited cause I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean candy. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t have told him I was ready today.

The good news is that I saw a raccoon up close at a friend’s house tonight; the bad news is that his tail was somewhat shorter than normal and kinda skinny, too. And I got the distinct impression that he was aware of the fact cause he kept hiding it behind the wooden railing.

The good news is that tomorrow is Tuesday and it’s a nice, new Tuesday that hasn’t even been written yet; the bad news is that Tuesdays can sometimes make me think of that Tuesday. The one I barely survived. The one that reminded me about how life isn’t at all the way I planned it and sometimes The Worst slips off its disguise and looks you squarely in the face right before it moves in, whether you’re ready or not.

The good news is that that Tuesday will never happen again; the bad news is that that Tuesday happened at all.

The good news is that when I saw one of my friends today, he noticed how I couldn’t stop smiling; the bad news is that sometimes I remember all of the things that have recently transpired and it turns my smile off like a light. And if it’s a night like this, when the moon is remarkably absent, it can start to feel pretty dark out there.

The good news is that me and Shane agreed on a band name, finally; the bad news is that somebody else agreed on that band name back in 2008. They even got a myspace page. For a day. Just one day. But it’s still there and it’s still keeping us from being The Janes, like we were trying to be.

The good news is that I had tasty thai food tonight; the bad news is that it was tasty and spicy and thank God for milk that is ready and available.

The good news is that I am already in bed and it is already late; the bad news is that I am too tired to keep writing, so I think my report is now finished.

The good news is that I thought of just one more thing: the bad news is that it is that I looked at the word ‘news’ and suddenly forgot how to spell it. Is it really just the pluralization of the word ‘new’ as in ‘new and shiny’? How is that so? I even googled it. Sure enough, it’s right. And sure enough, I’m tired.