dear college: I am not Amish, etc.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as admirer, Amish, boom box, caps, college, dear mom, dreads, gosh, kind, lime green, link, mom, pennsylvania countryside, sneakers, swank, technology, television, tenori on, thai restaurant, WANT
Dear Mom.
And Jesus.
And Santa.
(that’s quite a line-up)
I KNOW JUST WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!
It’s called a tenori-on (I linked it again, in case you didn’t catch the link the first time around. Nothing says subtle like ALL CAPS, is what I’ve learned). You can use it to make fat and sweet beats while playing live, friends. Oh my gosh. It’s technology, true, but I’d learn this technology, because I am a huge fan of fat, sweet beats. Plus, it’s not, like, the television at my parents’ house–something I still haven’t quite learned to master. But, believe me, if that thing made fat, sweet beats, I’d have mastered it a long time ago.
Today, a friend of mine from school randomly asked me to lunch. We haven’t seen each other in years. And we were sitting across from each other at this swank Thai restaurant in Brooklyn, when I said, “You know this is more than we ever talked to each other in all four years of college?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I was scared of you.”
“Scared! Why in the world were you scared of me?!”
“I knew you meant business and sh*t. You were always in class, working hard, and I’d show up late with my dreads all wild and my boom box on my shoulder. You don’t think that’s awkward?”
“No, your dreads were cool–I always thought that. Plus, I was a huge admirer of your sneakers. You had great sneakers.”
I looked down at his lime green treads and noticed that hadn’t changed at all.
“Well, I knew you were, like, from the Pennsylvania countryside…And I thought you were kind of Amish or something,” he confided.
“AMISH?!”
“Don’t get me wrong–I thought you were mad cool, I just was kind of scared of you.”
“Well, I think I missed out on getting to know some really cool people in college. I was pretty shy then,” I said.
“You’ve changed,” he acknowledged.
“I got my heart broken,” I agreed. “Plus–I’m not so scared anymore. Of hardly anything.”
“But you should be.”
“Okay, maybe I am–of relationships…”
“Like I said, you should be. That stuff’s scary.”
On a side note, so is the fact that he thought I was Amish…!
Tonight, I just sat and looked at the fountains at Columbus Circle for a while. I was lost in my thoughts when a stranger asked me to pose with him for a picture. It was kind of weird, but whatever. If that makes him happier in his life, then it certainly doesn’t hurt me to smile and sit next to him while his friend snaps a photo.
I thought about a lot of things without really even forming sentences in my head, if that makes any sense at all. I let myself feel. I had a weird conversation with my ex and then a good, kind conversation with my friend. I listened to After the Storm by Mumford and Sons and felt myself hovering in that place that reminds my eyes to cry and my heart to hope and my mind to remember and every ounce of me to feel and not regret and not look back and never stop looking around at this life, humbled and courageous and wide-eyed.
Like the girl that I was.
Like the woman that I am.
capoeria. what? I know.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as african slaves, apartment, audition, brazilian martial art, brazilian name, course, dance history, elements of dance, fancy, freedom, jinga, leggings, link, new york public library, paper, phone, pink pants, technique, way, york public library
So, I got up this morning and went to an audition and then I made a lot of phone calls and sent many emails for the paper janes and then I went to the New York Public Library and then I went and took capoeria and then I took yoga and now I am back here, in the apartment.
Deep breath.
But Capoeria (pronounced: CAP-OH-WET-UH–or if you’re super fancy, you can roll that ‘R,’ which sounds similar to a ‘T’). It was amazing. I had learned about it in dance history–since it’s a Brazilian martial art, but has some elements of dance as well–and have been intrigued by it ever since. It actually started among the African slaves who were sent to live in Brazil and had no weapons, obviously, because they were enslaved. Capoeria was a technique they invented in order to learn how to defend themselves, should they ever escape. It was a way to keep hope alive, too, since it was a link to freedom.
So I walk into the class and, of course, everyone is wearing these fancy white karate-type outfits. And I am wearing hot pink cropped leggings and a tank top. Awesome. And then the nicest guy whose name I could barely pronounce proceeded to teach me jinga and some other things I would need to know to blend in once the class started. Not that I could, really, considering the pants I was wearing. He probably saw those pink pants and felt sorry for me.
The class was super hard and amazing. I loved it. It reminded me a little of modern dance and a lot of something I had never ever done before. I have blisters on my toes now and I am pretty sure I will be sore tomorrow. At the end, we all stood in a circle while a few played Brazilian instruments. Everyone clapped and sang (I made the words up, because it was in Portuguese) and, two at a time, people went into the center and “fought” each other. I wasn’t going to go, but then the Nice Guy (insert Brazilian name that I cannot say, let alone remember) pulled me into the center and very kindly fought me. And it was pretty fun. For those of you who are trying to picture it, don’t worry, we weren’t wrestling or anything weird like that. We barely even touched. We cartwheeled and kicked and dodged and I basically had no idea what I was doing the whole time. It was kind of amazing.
Oh, and once during class we were all on the ground doing crunches. The instructor made us each count to ten one at a time for a set. Except they all counted to ten in Portuguese. Which, I figured out, sounded a lot like Spanish. And then it was my turn. So I counted to ten in spanish with my best Portuguese accent and hoped I didn’t sound totally ridiculous. But if I did, oh well. There are way worse things than sounding ridiculous.
I think capoeria will become a Tuesday night tradition for me. I also think the word is very difficult to spell. Oh, and I did a hand stand tonight. It was assisted, but I did it, for the first time ever. Bam. Or maybe a bam-let is in order, since it was assisted and all. I will save my BAM! for when I do one all by myself.
I am exhausted.
Which is perfect for bedtime, I think.
it’s not what you call me, but what I answer to–african proverb
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as Amos, chain, chain link fence, Deanna, Emily, fence, fence river, God, humor, link, Madeline Albright, perfect conversation, period, ridiculous ideas, river, Rosa Parks, strength, sweet strains, walk, women
The sweet strains of Japanese are serenading me right now as my roommate faithfully practices the language of the land which we are visiting at the end of the summer. She now knows how to say, An adult woman is swimming, which will be a perfect conversation starter at the stage door, I am sure. [...]
