Groupon.

Do you guys know about this? I don’t even really remember how it knows about me, but now it emails me deals here in NYC. Like, $30 massage deals. And five dance classes for $29 deals.

Apparently, groupon does not simply know my email address; it also knows what I like. Massage and dance. Bam, and with that, I’m in love. Groupon, we’re lifer bff’s now, I think. Now that you know me so well and all.

So today Groupon was like, Hey, Jess–you know how you don’t have tons of money, but you love trying new things–especially anything to do with dancing?

And I was like, I’m listening…

Which is when Groupon told me about buying five classes for $29. Five pole-dancing classes. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yes, let me explain. To my brothers, especially, who may or may not be disturbed at the thought of their little sister taking a pole dancing class (quick solution: don’t think about it!). And don’t worry, I’m not (I repeat: NOT!) stripping. The class is athletic and fun. I’ve taken one before, and, like I said, it was athletic and fun. Plus, this particular class is in Harlem–somewhere I’ve never been–so, learn something new and go somewhere I’ve never been?

Okay!

I took my regular yoga class at the Westside Y and then got on the subway to Harlem. And then I got out of the subway and promptly got lost. But at least I was in Harlem, so I couldn’t be all that far, I reasoned. Except that I was. Pretty far, I mean.

I asked a group of guys where 7th Avenue is. They looked at me like I had asked them where my mom is–whom they’ve never met and probably never will. “I have lived here all my life, and have never heard of 7th Avenue,” one guy told me. It was as encouraging as it sounds, too.

“But, this is Broadway…so it can’t be that far, right?” I asked.

Blank stares.

Then I tried to remember what Leao had told me about the avenues and how you know which way they go. It was something about the number of the streets and North–yes, something about North. But then I couldn’t even remember if Broadway is usually below 7th ave or above, so that really didn’t help. I mean, what he told me is helpful–it’s just that I was forgetting it and all kinds of confused, which was not helpful. Which is so shocking, as forgetting things and general confusion is usually, you know, so helpful.

Then a man remembered something about 7th Avenue, and the Hallelujah chorus started to play faintly in the distance. “You walk to the City College, turn left, then turn right, then it’s there.”

Now, that sounds like my kind of directions. No North about it. I never know which way North is, guys. Never.

No, wait. I do! North is uptown. Yes, that’s right. Okay, correction: I sometimes know which way North is, guys. Sometimes.

The night was starting to creep in; the sky was getting darker and the streets were getting more desolate. Someone looked a little crazy up ahead, so I crossed the street. I turned left at City College, turned right later, and, sure enough, 7th Avenue was right there. I found it. I know that Avenues are generally not very hard to find for most people. They’re pretty huge. I mean, it’s not like finding your long-lost diamond earrings or something. But still, this felt like an accomplishment for me, and I will take it.

And then a guy said something that I think is hilarious. I guess it was kind of racist, but I still think it’s funny. I mean, I was called a snowflake in Harlem. Isn’t that sort of cliche or something? The guy was all, “Hey snowflake, come over here–you’re cute…”

So I went over there. And then gave him my number. And now we’re totally getting married. Good idea? YES! Sorry, you have to find out this way, mom!

Oh, just kidding (sorry mom, you still have two unmarried daughters), I kept walking. I found the studio. They had to unlock it to let me in, then lock it immediately after they shut the door behind me. Pretty bamf, I know. Then we started dancing and it was fun. And hard work. There’s a whole new kind of pull-up when you dance with a pole. And I’m still working on the regular kind.

My favorite part was free-styling at the end. And feeling like you’re flying while you swing yourself around that pole. And going to a party afterwards where my friend Kevin asked me if he can please come take the class with me next time.

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring heels!” he assured me.

But I’ve seen Kev in heels. So, no, I really wasn’t worried about that at all.