locked doors. not even a metaphor.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as basement, beast, brother jason, door, everything, hadn, herd, house, kind, locked doors, male deer, metaphor, old school, parents, phone, run, sleep, theory, way
I just got locked out of the house.
Which wouldn’t have been so bad if my phone hadn’t died.
And even all that wouldn’t have been so bad if, when I was going around the side of my house to see if maybe the basement door was unlocked (it wasn’t), a whole herd of deer hadn’t run by, reminding me of my run in with the beast over the summer. I actually got pretty scared when the deer were running by, and was afraid that maybe one of them was male. If you don’t know my brother Jason’s theory on the beast and how he was a male deer who just was, um, into me–well, I suppose now you do. Sorry about that.
But the deer didn’t bother me.
Tonight, anyway.
I looked at my dead phone and decided to do this the old school way. Meaning, I knocked on the door. I knocked on that door like my life depended upon it. And who knows–with all those deer roaming around, perhaps it did. I felt kind of silly slamming the door so hard over and over again, but the message came through. Because my parents woke up and eventually let me back in.
But I should go to sleep.
Now that I am inside and everything.
metaphor and literal.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as beauty, blather, everything, existential, Frankenstein, girl, gratitude, HAPPENED, important event, Jess, metaphor, new friend, no hard feelings, peppermint, reminder, stitches, Terribly, time, waiter, WERE
Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for something to happen.
But then I get this overwhelming reminder that sounds like this: GIRL, IT’S ALREADY HAPPENED.
And then I say What? What’s happened already? Which is when the reminder says: YOU WERE BORN. IT HAPPENED.
Which is when I ask it to stop yelling. So then it says: You were born. It happened. Is that better? Terribly sorry about the yelling; just wanted to make sure you knew that being born was a fantastically purposeful and important event–that there’s no need to wait, cause everything that has happened and will happen since then is all part of that. It’s all part of life, and there’s no need to wait. It’s like being in one end of a huge lake and asking when you can go swimming. You’re already there, already in it. The water will get deeper when it’s time, but you might as well enjoy this part of the lake when you can. And really, sorry about the yelling. No hard feelings?
None at all, I say.
And then I practice gratitude. And I look at this part of the lake and find the beauty. And I realize that there’s no need to wait because this is life. Right now.
Okay, enough with this existential blather.
How about food? As in peppermint bark cheesecake. I know, it was awfully good. I split a piece with a new friend tonight. She’s really nice and we both enjoy talking, but also listening, so it works out in a perfectly see-saw kind of way. She has awesome hair, too, which never hurts.
And guess what I am getting soon? New headshots.
“Headshots are an entirely different thing in the military, Jess,” my pop said to me recently.
Yes, well–I am not getting those kinds of headshots. I’ve never gotten them before, thank goodness, so how could I get new ones if I don’t even have old ones? Which reminds me. Not too long ago, a waiter told me about getting something like 70 stitches on his head, buried somewhere in his hair. Then he asked me if I wanted to feel them. Like, actually touch his hair and head and frankenstein’s monster-like stitch bumps. Ew. No thank you. I didn’t even want to shake his hand, much less feel the top of his head. But yes. It’s time for new head shots and this time, I hope they actually feel like me (don’t worry, I won’t ask you to feel them). Or look like me, rather. They will probably just feel like a picture. You know, skinny and wide and square.
And don’t even.
Don’t say that’s a good representation of me, anyway. Unless you’re kidding. I guess that’d be okay, then.
a plan for meeeeeeee!
in Thoughts and Feelings
as Auto, beauty and the beast, buddy, business, caterpillar, cocoon, cue music, Draft, grad, grad school, house, life, metaphor, nineties, open house, razy, role, Silly, silly life, Voice, way, while
So. I might as well just say it. Because, see, I’ve been making plans. Yes, plans. I know, it’s been a while. See, they were some of the first things to go, back when my life did that thing where it looked like it was ending. Oh life, you really got me with that one. [...]
break-up rhetoric. mostly.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as break up song, center of the universe, chicken pot pie, God, lot, macaroni and cheese, metaphor, pop, right, snake, someone, something, stewed tomatoes, thing, time, today, tonight, Veronica
It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t spend much time with me today. If you had, I might have told you that I don’t get your metaphor. Which is what I said to my pop tonight, and then immediately regretted it. Because, see, I did get it. It was something about a snake and [...]
