lots of little thoughts tonight.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as al queda, backside, contact, half, Huh, Jess, mini van, monster, monsters, name, practice yoga, sister, sister jenna, slap, someone, teenager, time, way, while, Yep
Sometimes on the way to the dream you get lost and find your way to a better one.
I don’t know who said that, but I like it.
And I agree with it.
Well, it doesn’t even matter if I agree with it or not–it’s true. I mean, it happens.
———————-
“You’re finally a teenager, Jess,” my mom told me tonight.
“Um…huh?” I asked.
“You talk about boys now–so much! You didn’t even talk about boys like this when you were an actual teenager.”
“Pop!” I got his attention–”Do you think I talk about boys ‘so much,’ like mom said?”
…Pop thinks…
“Yep,” he said. “More now than then, because you were so focused on dance then. You just didn’t have time.”
Little do they know that I did talk about boys then. Just not necessarily to them. I think that’s what’s changed so much.
Um, and the fact that I am single again.
For the first time in a while, you know.
————————
I now have someone stored in my contacts as Ben The Israeli.
(don’t ask)
“At least it’s not good ol’ Ben Lawden,” my sister Jenna says.
Yeah, Ben Lawden.
At one point, I thought that was the name of the head of Al Queda.
Boring old Ben Lawden. Sounds like he could be from Jersey. Like he has two and a half kids and a mini-van to tote them around in.
———————–
It’s weird to be in Pennsylvania during the week. My schedule feels all wrong. Today was Tuesday but I didn’t train with Capoeira Brasil at 6:00. I didn’t practice yoga at 7:30. Strange.
But.
I did play with a bunch of wonderful kids who share my last name and who were just begging me to PLEASE! BE A MONSTER! JESS!
And I did.
Turns out their favorite defense against monsters are a sound slap on the backside. I hope they understand that that particular form of warfare is only to be measured out against monsters who are also your aunt.
confessing things and being normal.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as capoeira, confessions, facebook, gotta, home, Jess, last september, life, little man, Memoria, missil, name, portueguese, ruby, ruby red slippers, something, while, Wizard, wizard of oz
So, in capoeira, if you stick with it long enough, you are eventually given a name. It’s something in Portueguese. There’s Espanola and Leone and Missil and Memoria and Fantastico, to name a few. You gotta admit that Fantastico is a pretty amazing name to have. I mean, who doesn’t wanna answer to a name that sounds like a super hero? But, I didn’t realize that all the people I met were introduced to me with names that weren’t their given names. At least, I didn’t realize this for a while.
Anyway, imagine my surprise when, the other day, I was friend requested on facebook by Fantastico. Except it wasn’t Fantastico. It was Kevin. Huh? Just Kevin. It was like finding out that the Great Wizard of Oz himself is just a wee little man behind a curtain, after all. It actually made me laugh. Probably because I wasn’t expecting Fantastico to, like, tell me how to get back home by clicking my ruby red slippers three times in a row and saying There’s no place like home.
Home is a place I am slowly piecing back together. It takes a while to get there, is what I am learning. And it has nothing to do with what I say and the shoes that I wear, believe it or not. It has a lot more to do with being me, learning to live life in such a way that I embrace it, learning to let go of a lot of what isn’t mine anyway, and continuing to be here. Wherever here is.
Sorry, I had to go there. All deep. One second I am talking about Fantastico and everyone’s like, Oh good, Jess is doing better! She’s harmlessly talking about some guy named Fantastico! And the next second I am confessing how I am not quite sure where home is anymore.
Hi, my name is Jessica, it’s really nice to meet you.
I have two confessions to make. Well, two more, I should say:
1). I am currently watching a movie. I don’t think I have done something like this for…well, maybe since last September? That’s the last time I remember it, anyway. It’s almost like I am a normal person. Almost.
2). I had a four hour rehearsal for the Broadway Warm-up today. It was great. I made jokes and danced and sang and realized that two other actors working on the project have invisalign too. Twinsies, all three of us. Or maybe it’s tripletsies. Which, believe it or not, is an even more annoying word than twinsies.
And since I am on a confessional role here, I might as well say that:
3). I think I might have a totally ridiculous and doesn’t-mean-a-thing-never-gonna-happen crush on a guy in my capoeira class. I can write about this because he doesn’t know my last name and therefore can never find this blog. But he’s so good at capoeira. And is so kind and encouraging. And tells me that I have some “very beautiful moves.” And is not at all my type, but did introduce me to “the lady of his life” tonight, right before I met his mother.
Oh gosh. Hot.
Okay, the movie’s about to end. I am gonna be even more normal now and actually pay attention to it.
three cheers for this weekend.
in Loved Ones, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as band, emotions, family, few minutes, friday night, girl, god bless the woman, hymns, name, Philly, Saturday, show, side, singers, sinus infection, song, soprano, talented musicians, three cheers, Voice
Oh, this weekend. It’s been grand and so chock full of song. We had a show on Friday night in Philly; it was oh-so-fun. I don’t know how many times I get asked if I am Jane, but I don’t mind it; I rather love that name, anyway. I get to be in a band [...]
making dances and savings accounts and such.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as apple green, bench, choreograph, civil wars, dance company, eye shadow, girl, green apple, green apples, magazine, name, new keys, person, piano sound, purple eye, rehearsal, stage, tad, tenterhooks, today
The dance I am choreographing for the Delaware Dance Company’s Alumni Concert is finished. It just needs to be rehearsed, like, a million or so times. I think people have the general impression that I am a nice person. And yes, maybe this is true, but if you get me in an environment where I [...]
story time.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as anyone, bedtime, couch, craigslist, dark, darkness, Jase, kid, kind, kudos, light, living room, Mature, mother, name, New York City, opp, opposite, ot, person, place, rain, rent, sad today, sleep, sleeping, someone, store, story, story time, time, today, way
Have I ever told you about the time I tried to move in with The Mature Mother? That is not my name for her; that is what she calls herself. It was back when things were so very dark. It is like the opposite of when you see a light so bright, that it has [...]
conversing with cars and people.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as amish country, august day, Auto, car, cause mama, Draft, drop, horse and buggy, impersonation, mile, name, person, random conversations, reasonable person, roller, stranger things, style, twenty miles, way, whispery, wooden roller coaster, wooden roller coasters, yeah
Today my car was doing just fine, chugging away on this hot August day, when suddenly it was all, “I don’t really feel like blowing cold air on you anymore.” And I try to be a reasonable person, try not to demand too much of those around me, so I just rolled down my windows [...]
nope, it’s not fair.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as Benjamin Franklin, death and taxes, God, home, Jessica, life, living in a world, Mercy, misogynist, name, right, strange pleasure, thing, wild flowers
Life is unfair. And I actually wouldn’t change that. Huh? I know, that’s strange. But hear me out. It’s not like I’m a misogynist. Oops, wait, that’s not what I mean. Well, I’m not a misogynist because, as it turns out, I don’t hate women. Like, at all. That’s like saying I hate people named [...]
friday night foxes and ooh! we have a name.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as Bear Road, fox, fox fox, Fox Road, Jane, Jess, juxtaposition, life, marriage, name, paper, poconos, Shane, sweet name
Tonight I saw a fox run across the road, but that’s not what makes it worth mentioning, necessarily. What does make it worth mentioning is that he was right by Fox Road. And I thought perfect and smiled to myself. Because wouldn’t it be nice if life always made such good, simple sense? Of course the [...]
this I know.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as ducks in a row, family, fire, God, jenna, mom, mom talks, name, new shoes, share, stink bugs, warm fireplace
My family is strong and once again we all share the same name. I have been stuck on that sentence for a few days now. I keep thinking it and each time I do, it’s like the small fire that is somewhere deep in my spirit gets stoked a little higher. And this is strange, [...]
strider vs. the aurochs
in Funny Stuff, photography
as ancient creature, aurochs, beast, England, lap, lap dog, laundry shoots, mythical beast, name, strider, thoughts/life, world
My parents have a mythical beast. His name is Strider and I really don’t think he belongs here. At least not in the way that refrigerators, computers, and laundry shoots do. See, once I read a book called The Song of Albion and in it this ancient creature who no longer exists in our world, [...]
