Ain’t my friend (lyrics/chords).
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby, bridge, call, everything, feelings, fly, friendship, fuss, little bit, lyrics and chords, melodies, Oh-oh-oh, pain, redemption, song, time, truth, two cents, wanna, way
I’ve seen a lot of requests for the lyrics and chords of this song bouncing around the Internet. So, I figured I’d put them in one place to refer people to, when asked.
It’s funny, when I wrote this song over the summer, I never imagined so many people would hear it, let alone like it. It was just the way I was feeling at the time.
For me, putting my feelings into words and melodies is like a little bit of redemption NOW. A way of saying, This hurts so much, but maybe it’s worth it–cause look. Here’s a song, now, and that’s directly related to what I was feeling. Couldn’t have one without the other.
It doesn’t necessarily make it easier while you’re in it–but pain can produce good things. Worthwhile things. So what I’ve learned is not to run from your pain, but to sit there. Listen to it. And then use it to make things. Just my two cents.
Ain’t my friend:
Chorus: Baby, you ain’t my friend, and I ain’t your last call, nor can I let my heart wonder how you feel about me at all. Cause you got all your fans, people who are on call, but I ain’t one of them, nor can I let myself pretend…
Oh-oh-oh…baby, you ain’t my friend
Oh-oh-oh
See, I don’t really really wanna just be your friend; we’re either gonna play this game or let the game end. I mean, sure, I’ll be polite and wave as I walk by, but it hurts way too much to act like we’re still fly after everything that happened, that happened between us; you’re so good at pretending while I just make a fuss; now, I ain’t saying that it’s now or it’s never gonna be, I’m just saying that this friendship feels impossible to me. And maybe someday it’ll be just fine between us, but that day ain’t today, and maybe there’s some truth to the way they always say that, baby, you’re from mars, and maybe I’m from, I’m from, I’m from Venus.
Chorus
It’s not like you were wrong when you decided that I didn’t belong next to you, it’s just hard to stand here with you, when I’m not really with you, do you know what I mean? Don’t think I’m trying to be mean–no! I think you’re just great! Too great, in fact, that’s why I take a step back; it’s just a matter of survival as I walk through this new trial, don’t take it personally, cause I’m just trying to live free, to take a deep breath now and feel what I feel. As I keep walking, watch me walking, no I won’t stop. Though you ain’t here–stop with all the fear, I tell myself again and again just as long as you say that you are my friend, so…
Bridge: Hey hey hey, a baby (bay bay bay); you live your life now and I’ll be busy living mine; Hey hey hey, a baby (bay bay bay); I already got quite enough friends now, thank you, yeah, I’ll be fine, fine, fine….
Chorus.
Chords: chorus/rap: C,G,Amin,F,G (with an occasional extra F and G thrown in for good measure; I trust you to figure out when)
Bridge: Amin, C, Amin, F, G
(yes, the chords are simple…have I mentioned I haven’t playing the ukulele for that long…?)
And there you go.
Peace!
January 8th. Cheers.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as art supplies, colored pencils, contraptions, January, Line, line of reasoning, Lucky, moment, nice things, night, pain, phonecam, reason, sketch pad, sketchpad, time, tomorrow, ukulele, veritable collection
Tonight, I was on the A train. Again. We really spend a lot of time together, me and that train. If it were a human, people would accuse us of being, like, together, I’m pretty sure. Lucky for both of us, it’s a train, and so there are no wild rumors flying.
I was sitting there, holding my sketchpad and colored pencils. Yes, tonight I went to a bar clutching a sketch pad and colored pencils. All. Night. Long. I could have brought a bag to put them in, I suppose, but when thinking about that, my line of reasoning happened like this: I could bring a bag, and then I wouldn’t have to hold my art supplies…But, shoot, then I’d have to hold a bag.
Discussion over.
Because for some illogical reason, I decided that carrying a bag–equipped with those very convenient and modern contraptions called handles! that you just effortlessly sling over your shoulder!–was much less annoying than just toting a sketchpad and colored pencils around like it was the world’s worst clutch.
Sometimes I make no sense.
Which is why I was on the A train, holding my art supplies and minding my own business, when I saw someone staring at me, walking slowly towards me. His pace picked up as he got closer, and, when our eyes met, he said, “You’re…the girl, aren’t you? With the ukulele?”
I smiled.
He smiled.
It was a moment packed with smiles, guys.
“I am,” I said.
“I saw you! Today! On the internet–can I get my picture with you?” he asked.
And I wasn’t kidding about the smiles, either–see?
“I’m Jessica,” I said, shaking his hand. Which is when I found out his name is Bernard. And Bernard is a wonderful human and what is it about the A train that has a veritable collection of wonderful humans riding it?
And then we talked about the video. How it happened. What it means. How much joy is found in those moments that Matt captured with his phonecam. And what happens next. He had some very nice things to say about that, Bernard did.
And now, if you will come this way with me, I will show you just a corner of my heart. Because, see, tomorrow is a very sad day for me. January 8th, I mean. And I had completely forgotten that it was coming up so fast–I mean, it was a ninja this year, all stealth until suddenly: BOO! I’M HERE! Which, maybe makes no sense, cause if a ninja ever said BOO! I’M HERE!–well, he’d probably be told he has one hour to clean out his cubicle and call a cab.
But, yes, as I said, January 8th is a sad day. And I was sitting in my bed tonight when I looked at the calendar, suddenly realizing that it was Sunday. Tomorrow. The 8th, come back again. Like tax day, only much more emotionally involved and, thankfully, does not leave me with a bill from Uncle Sam.
And then I realized that it is tomorrow that I am going into the studio and recording a song that will be released on itunes. That is, I must confess, a dreamy thing for me to do. And by dreamy I only mean: it’s the kind of thing that makes you want to pinch yourself to make sure that this is real. Too good to be true and all that.
And I remembered how my family and friends would tell me, back in the early days of January 8th being so acutely difficult, that there are very good things ahead. To hold on, don’t give up. But those kinds of cliches, they pale in comparison to the very real pain you feel in the moment. And the pain is so good at acting like it’s here to stay. Like it’s the final word. Like sadness is not just a feeling, but it has somehow replaced the very marrow in your bones; you keep digging and digging deeper inside, but you can’t escape it. Cause it’s your center now, this sadness, and it resides right smack in the middle of everything you know about life.
And the realization sounded like this: THEY WERE RIGHT. The people who told me that good things were still ahead, they were right. And tonight my brother texted me I told you so and I can tell you right now, that smartass response is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.
And I don’t think it’s an accident that this is taking place on January 8th. I think it sounds a lot like redemption. The redemption that somehow everyone but me knew would come all along. But now? Oh, now I’m a believer.
Here’s to this January 8th being good, for a change.
it’s a chrysalis, always a chrysalis.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful place, beauty, behalf, castles, choice, chrysalis, course, devastation, disappointment, existence, kind, land, night vision goggles, old photos, pain, pool of light, reaction, vibrant blossoms, visceral reaction, waste
I wish it were easier. No, I don’t. Okay, sometimes I do. But then I remember the fire lilly. The fire ephemerals. Those bright, vibrant blossoms that only bloom after devastating fires have ransacked the land. That’s it. They don’t come out any other time. The world would never be captured by their beauty if it [...]
knowledge when I’d rather not know.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful things, closets, dear god, devastation, house, innocence, kind, knowledge, landenberg pa, little heart, natural disaster, pain, pantry, Perfect, prayer, shame, story, time, utopian garden, way
The very first devastation I was introduced to occurred when I was still small. It was the realization that people I loved very much would someday die. That was just about too much for my soft little heart to handle, and I spent many moments ducking into nearby closets and pantries (yes, my parents’ house [...]
eventually.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as astronomical number, body, break, cue music, descriptive language, EVENTUALLY, forearm, golden arches, gonna break, growth doesn, half, joy, kind, oh my goodness, pain, state, surprise party, terrible feeling, time, yoga teacher
“This makes me feel like my body’s gonna break in half…and then die.” I told my yoga teacher tonight quite seriously, as he was helping me do a forearm stand. “Well, that must be a terrible feeling,” he sympathized, after laughing not unkindly at my, um,descriptive language. But see, he didn’t stop there. He didn’t [...]
monsters.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bed, bedroom, brother, couples, dirge, downstairs, everything, heart, innocence, life sentence, matter, monsters, pain, pop, sadness, sense, sentence, taps, thought
So, this: It’s true, isn’t it? I stopped looking for monsters when my heart stopped. Well, partially stopped. I mean, it kept beating. But it sounded more like Taps than anything else. A slow dying dirge. I stopped looking for monsters when I grew up. Well, I grew up and became a child at once. [...]
the magic pill.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as being a woman, contentment, cramps, demons, doctor, good, green pennsylvania, magic pill, pain, pills, reflection, second, solution, tsk, tsk tsk, unicorn, way, while
I am going to talk about being a woman for a second. I hope this doesn’t make anyone feel too uncomfortable. But, see, sometimes–no, every month, actually–I get these really bad cramps. They’ve been so bad before, that I’ve considered going to the hospital. Anyway, I told my magical doctor about this. (It only took [...]
love and s***.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as aisle five, contrast, curse words, dad, depravity, home, life, love, lunch, mess, mom, pain, redemption, salad, someone, something, spill, transcendence, ugliness, waste
I’ve been writing a lot lately, but not necessarily on here. It’s interesting, my life is no longer an open book. I have a few secrets again. It’s nice to no longer be the spill in aisle five; the box that was broken open, its contents poured out for all to see. It’s nice to [...]
when I got stung at 3am.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as 3am, baking soda, car, door, ground, hornet, hornets, kerfuffle, life, mamba, mamba jamba, moment, pain, pain medication, Philly, prehistoric beast, reason, Shane, spine
I would love to say that I’m on pain medication, but alas, I am not. The reason I would love to say this is because I was just stung by one of those huge, mamba jamba hornets. The kind that looks like a prehistoric beast with wings. The kind that’s thick. We were just getting [...]
