First page of the part archive.

how it happened that we played on the subway that day and you all know about it now.

Posted by jessica on Jan 7, 2012 with 56 Comments
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
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The next time you decide to wear your hair in pigtails, think long and hard about it. Because, see, you might just become part of a little video that gets to see more of the world than you do.

I’m actually not upset about the pigtails, I just think it’s a little funny. And not so glamorous. But life is not about being glamorous, is it? If that were the case, I should really stop wearing my favorite sweat pants to the gym. The ones with the holes. In the seat of the pants, that is. But, lucky for me, the point of life is not glamour, so LIVE ON, dear sweatpants, LIVE ON!

But, someone asked me to tell about the youtube video. Give some exposition. Like, how it happened to be that me and the fierce drummer just started jamming on the subway on a regular Tuesday evening on the A train (as if there is anything regular about a Tuesday evening on the A train!). So, here goes.

I had come from a series of classes and grocery shopping (life is not about glamour; case in point). I had my uke strapped to my back because I like to use the commute on the train to practice, if I can. You know, make the most of the 35 minutes, better myself and blah blah blah. And–before you go into a tirade about how PEOPLE JUST WANNA BE LEFT ALONE ON THE SUBWAY, SO JUST TAKE YOUR UKULELE AND USE IT TO BUILD A FIRE BECAUSE YOU’RE A HIPSTER AND SO YOU SURELY CANNOT AFFORD HEAT!–let me explain. I practice so quietly. Barely strumming at all–more just going over finger positions and picking, that kind of stuff.

In fact, yesterday I was doing just that, when I suddenly looked at the guy next to me and asked, “Does this bother you at all?” He looked irritated by having to strain to hear my voice over whatever was coming from his headphones, and, once he did finally hear me, he said ‘no’ in such an are-you-an-idiot? kind of tone, that you’d think I’d asked him if he’d like to eat one of the rats that live in the tunnels for dinner tonight.

I didn’t ask him that till later, after I was finished practicing. Duh.

Anyway, my uke was strapped to my back while waiting for the train at 59th. Fierce drummer and his friends walk up to me. “What’s that you got?” the drummer asks me. “A ukulele,” I say. “It’s not a cello?” someone else asks.

“It’s not a cello,” and I leave it at that.

“Why don’t you give me your number?” the drummer asks me.

“So we can jam?” I ask.

“…Among other things,” he answers.

Which is when I explain that he can give me his number, if he’d like, but I don’t regularly give my number out. He scrambles to find a pen. The A train shows up. I move to leave. He convinces his friends to jump onto my train with me, and then we all sit down. “Are you good?” the drummer asks me.

Which is usually when I don’t quite know what to say. And honestly, I’ve only been playing the uke for a few months–I’m not that good. I’m pretty good at the piano; pretty okay, I mean, but not really good at the uke. Thus, the practicing during my commute, see?

Another guy asks me, “You gonna sing some (which is when he makes yodeling noises–and I am not gonna attempt to spell yodeling noises. Not at 2:15 in the morning, anyway)?”

“No,” I say. “I’ll sing something better.”

So, then, I don’t even remember quite how it happens, but next thing I know, the drummer has started a beat–he wants something in 6, but we compromise on 4–and I am playing Ain’t My Friend.

Matt, who I didn’t know then, but have since gotten to know some, has taken out his phonecam and is recording it all. I start to sing. I start to rap. The guy in the SOX hat to my left starts to smile. The drummer’s friend starts to tell everyone what is happening; how we are strangers and it’s truly a serendipitous moment that we’re all experiencing.

And the magical part is that, well, we all seem to truly be in the same place. This place filled with music. Either listening to it or making it–or both–we’re here. Sharing one space. Together. What a lovely word: together.

Anyway, the rest is, as they say, history.

I am extremely SHOCKED over how that clip has found it’s way into so many different places. When Matt told me he was gonna put it on youtube and made sure to get my first and last name so he could tag me, I thought, Cool, maybe my parents will like to see it. 

And they do; my parents sure do like to see it.

I just didn’t think so many other parents would like to see it, too.

I am grateful. It was special. It involved every last person that was there; not any one of us could have made that happen alone.

Like I said, together. 

singing. yes.

Posted by jessica on Jul 9, 2010 with 6 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
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Between Thursday and Monday of this week, Shane and I have three shows.

That’s the good part.

The sad part is that after that, it’ll be a good five months before we get to play another one. And yes, I said a good five months because I am determined to stay positive right now. Determined to imagine that there could just as well be good things instead of disappointing things up ahead.

And the reason for our little time-off is that Shane is going to be studying in South Africa, which is so very lovely for him, but have you heard? That’s a whole other continent from this one, and so the playing of shows together will be on hold till December.

But tonight was a good one. We played in the East Village in NYC and I suppose it is a good rule of thumb to always bring your own toilet paper to such events. And you’re smart; I am sure you can imagine how I learned this. And you’re right. But moving on.

There’s nothing really like performing, is there? There’s something about giving all of you to a song or a dance or a scene and suddenly your body, mind, and spirit–they’re in this fantastic kind of sync. It’s like finally, all of you is pointed in the same direction and there’s just no room for confusion. Not anymore. I have a dear friend who likens performing to falling in love, and I think I know what she means. Because you might feel down or rather like the little runt of the litter that nobody wants to buy for their seven year old who has finally proven they can handle a puppy, but then you sing; you wonder where singing has been all your life.

And you stand there and the words, they pour out of you like a light you didn’t even know was inside–not when you were sure there was so much darkness lately. And then the melodies. They fly and you can’t help but go with them and in this moment, life is so good.

And you are smiling and giving of yourself and it feels like this could be a clue as to what life is all about anyway.

And you feel like God is smiling and you give him the kind of sideways glance that can only come from the very surprised birthday girl after she has walked into a roomful of HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!!!  all around.  And once she sees a certain someone tickled pink, she gives them a look as if to say, You planned this, didn’t you? You knew all along…

At which point the person smiles and nods quietly in response.

But right, the show was a blast.

I’m gonna miss all this business come Tuesday, that’s for darn sure.

when we talk and see what happens and find that it’s good.

Posted by jessica on Jul 7, 2010 with 2 Comments
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
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Tonight I made late night macaroni and cheese for some lovely friends. It was nice; lots of laughter and help surrounded me. The very last part of the recipe called for butter to be “sprinkled” on top of the rest of the ingredients. I wondered how to do that, exactly. Which is why my friends [...]

it’s joyful somewhere. which sounds sadder than I mean it.

Posted by jessica on Apr 17, 2010 with 15 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
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I have a friend who once told me that he was thinking about Jesus a lot. I asked him what it was that he was thinking, and he told me that he liked to think about the things Jesus did on earth. The practical things. Like eat strawberries. He said that he wondered if Jesus [...]

firsts: thestrals and snow shoveling.

Posted by jessica on Feb 8, 2010 with 30 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
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And here’s the part when I tell you that I shoveled snow for the very first time in my life this weekend and you gasp. And then you tell me that it’s about time I took off my kid gloves and replaced them with a pair of gortex gloves. Oh, and a shovel. But see–and [...]

dumb dumb dumb

Posted by jessica on Feb 6, 2010 with 26 Comments
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
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Oh, I do dumb things sometimes. Okay, so I did a dumb thing once. Ha. I think I will have to stick with my original statement. Like the time I was really sad and afraid of the night, afraid of the quiet, afraid of my thoughts, and decided it would be a good idea to [...]

someone tell me that I’m wrong

Posted by jessica on Feb 2, 2010 with 24 Comments
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, MP3, Thoughts and Feelings
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I’m wearing terrible socks. I know most people come here to finally discover what kind of socks I am wearing, and I also know that I haven’t been as forthcoming with that information as you would have liked. But now you know. They’re terrible. The kind that slips under your heels if you even walk [...]

the real purpose of socks and other questions

Posted by jessica on Dec 12, 2009 with 12 Comments
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
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Sometimes I look at my socks suspiciously. And before you tell me to just relax because socks are non-entities after all, that I should let them off the hook in terms of motive or really anything sinister, let me tell you why. When my feet are cold–which is often enough, especially in the winter–it feels [...]

one cigarette

Posted by jessica on Oct 28, 2009 with No Comments
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
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Tonight I was backstage signing posters for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids when my friend Joey told me I had to read something. I made some dumb joke in response and he reiterated that I really had to read it. Okay, I will, I said nonchalantly, most of my energy going to making that large J [...]

what it looks like

Posted by jessica on Oct 20, 2009 with No Comments
in photography, Thoughts and Feelings
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Today looked like this. At least, a part of it did. The mall didn’t, though. That looked more like this awesome unitard that I bought on sale at Lululemon. Hanging on the rack, I could have sworn it was a maternity unitard. But after being convinced that it wasn’t (because really, how many pregnant women [...]