all full up tonight.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as airplane, beautiful mystery, black sky, body, cannot, choreography, contentment, face, feeling, fingers, free laughter, Furth, gift, hand, heart, holes, hou, kind, land, mind, mystery, patches, patchwork quilt, Peace, person, phrase, psyche, quilt, run, running through my mind, sense, shooting star, sky, song god, special person, thread, tonight, wear, wellness, yellow fire
All full up.
Oh, it’s terrible English, I know–and I cannot remember where I first heard this phrase–but it keeps running through my mind tonight. I have this sense of contentment, of wellness, that feels even bigger than my body, if that makes sense. Like my fingers only go so far when I reach; but, oh! this feeling of peace, it extends. Further than I knew, maybe.
And I feel, well, all full up.
Like the holes that have been poked through my psyche and my heart and my mind have started to patch. And you know what? I’ve always really liked patches. One of my favorite parts of flying in an airplane is looking down and seeing the land assembled like a patchwork quilt.
Which is something else I love. I’ve always wanted to make one, actually. And I’m gonna do it someday, too. And then I’m gonna give it to a really special person. You’ll see.
But maybe it was the shooting star I saw, falling like a thread of silver through the black sky; or the very short run I made with my dog in the kind of night that is so dark, it forbids you from seeing your own hand in front of your face; or the honest and free laughter that I shared with my parents (some laughter isn’t free; unkind laughter takes from you, leaves you in a debt that is hard to pay back); or talking to some friends late tonight in a house made warm by a yellow fire and happy by music; or the choreography I taught to a friend who loves to dance, sees it as a kind gift from an even kinder Creator; or maybe I could cite every last good thing I can remember and still not quite define what has me all full up tonight.
Maybe it’s like stripping the rose of every last petal in an effort to find what makes it smell so lovely–this peace, this life, this love–it’s big. Bigger than me. Bigger than one day or night. And I am happy, so happy to be included in it. I feel like traces of the song God first sung to cause everything in this old world to grow and breathe and bloom and be can be heard tonight.
And it has me all full up.
a picture is worth a thousand words.
in Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as judah, kind, lot, Peace, picture, tonight
Or so they say. 
So I guess it’s really good I have this picture of me and Judah to post.
Since I am too tired to write anywhere close to a thousand words tonight.
But it’s a good kind of tired; an I’ve been working kind of tired.
There’s a lot of peace in this kind of tired.
bits and pieces.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as bits and pieces, calais, car, colby, elp, everything, farm animals, Fearless, friend sarah, heat, home, lyrics, misnomer, music, news, Peace, pig, Shane, song
I have to wake up early, so I won’t write much. But I will say that one of the best things about friends going to far far away places is when they come back. Shane is home now and this is such lovely news. I drew him a pig playing a guitar as a welcome [...]
not easy, but easier.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as ballet class, chord progression, Don, God, leotard, nice surprise, Option, Peace, piano, something, time, whole lot of nothing
There is a trick to dancing; it is called relax and the movement will come easier. There is a trick to singing; it is called relax and the sound will come easier. Not that it will come easy, mind you. I don’t really believe that anything of value comes very easy, but there’s something about [...]
when words have meaning again and the meaning is sweet.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as Christian, God, lack, life, long time, marriage, Peace, Quentin Tarantino, shock, way, word
I can’t go through this again, I said, suddenly serious. Yes, you could, my friend Christian told me, just as serious. No, it’d kill me. I can’t, I just can’t, I kept repeating. No, you’d get through it. Just like you get through all of life, he assured me. And then I told him I’d [...]
images. words. cause it IS a blog.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as answer, carlsen, Dan Dunlap, drew, finger nails, God, Held, life today, Olivia Carlsen, Peace, piece, sariel, seams, summer storm, time noon
These *images are from the piece I recently choreographed, Sariel. Strong. Together. Held. Surrounded. Weak. Broken. Sustained. Carried. Lost. Resilient. Humbled. Bereft. Grasping. No longer empty handed. Found. How can a person be all of those things? How can we burst at the seams with how we feel and still eat sandwiches because, by the [...]
whoa vs. woe
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as angel dust, bowl, cereal bowl, drew, Japan, main ingredient, Peace, purse, shirt, someone, valentine s day, way
Someone left me a nice little note on the keyboard I play at church today. Someone else made me a purse. Like that’s normal. Like everybody goes around making things that most of us only buy. Someone made me cookies a few weeks ago. Someone(s) sent me flowers on Valentine’s Day. Someone else gave me [...]
finally weightless
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as basket, everything, God, last transaction, left lung, messes, pain, Peace, sane person, sense, sense life, sentimental/inspiration
Peace. But what about the experiences that would teach any sane person to be anxious?Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do with it, and it feels crazy to not feel anxious. But then there’s God and he messes up the equation and the sense life makes, I suppose. He talks about peace and it [...]
peace
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as cat, drew, family, friends, Jason Robert Brown, laughter, nieces and nephews, orange cat, Peace, romance, sentimental/inspiration, soft tones, Voice, whole lot of things, word
Drew. Such a small word for such a big heart. He’s a lifeline to me. A mirror that reflects me in a way that is far too generous. He’s not close right now, but he is, he is. He’s right here, safe in my thoughts, causing me to smile for a reason that to all [...]
