my brother and his banana. seriously.

Oh man, where to start?

So I saw a movie tonight, in the theater.

It was me and some really cool guys. I actually crashed a guys’ night out I’m pretty sure, but I think my brother Jonathan feels sorry for me an awful lot, so I got an invite too.

Anyway, we saw Clash of the Titans, which was fun because, well, I love Greek Mythology. Oh, and there was this weird alien desert guy who everybody called Gin, but it sounded like they were calling him Jim, so I just thought of him as Jim and it made me laugh. A lot. Because how funny would it be if the one alien-thingy in a movie where the humans all have names that are on the fancier side–like Perseus and Andromeda and Cassiopeia and Io–is the one with the normal, every day name like Jim?

But enough about Jim.

I want to tell you about when we went to Friendly’s afterward.

And well, we each get our ice cream sundaes, of course, but Jonathan–now, he springs for a banana split. He’s like that. Always wanting to mix fruit with ice cream and such. Not me as much, unless we’re talking pinkberry. But sadly, that’s not around these parts so I haven’t been able to talk pinkberry for a while, much less eat the stuff.

So we all get our ice cream and Jonathan tries one of his two bananas and we all watch as his delighted anticipation quickly turns to horror and disgust. He puts his banana in my face (I know, the jokes that could be told here are endless…but don’t worry. We’ll get to that) and asks that I try it too.

I tell him that bananas are pretty much always disgusting to me, that I eat them for medicinal reasons or when I am very hungry–neither of which apply at the moment. So Jonathan reaches his banana across my face in order for Christian, who is sitting on the other side of me, to take a bite of it. Someone mentions that this moment should be documented with a camera, and Jonathan then decides it’s too weird, so he just hands his banana over for Christian to have at it.

Awful, Christian agrees.

And then we all tell Jonathan he should talk to the waiter about it. Which is what happens next. But talk about an ice breaker, because right as the waiter gets to the table, Jonathan blurts out:

Have you ever actually tasted your bananas before?

And then we all lose it. We can’t help it. Alex is dipping his head in shame, literally covering his face with his hand. I am laughing outright (of course). Christian and Joe are stifling their laughter, too.

But none of this deters Jonathan.

Because then he grabs his banana, thrusts it in the waiters face, and dramatically splitsit in half right before him. Lucky for him, the banana makes the kind of cracking sound you’d only expect from plastic when it breaks–and it quite obviously is a horrible banana.

The waiter tells him he’ll get him two new bananas right away (without answering Jonathan’s question, mind you). The discarded banana is left on the table between Alex and Jonathan, and Alex, after finally removing his hand from covering his face, takes some wax paper and wraps Jonathan’s banana up for him.

So of course, Jonathan has to mention that his wrapped banana is now just sitting idly on the table.

And then, when I ask him if he actually ate some of his horrible banana–before he decided it was horrible, I mean?

He simply looks at me and says,

No Jess, I never swallowed!

And so we all lose it, all over again. And I’m pretty sure there are a few seconds when I can’t breathe at all, I am laughing so hard.

Oh my, oh my.

And now a few of you are offended.

Sorry.

Kinda.