First page of the pool archive.

scratch the felt, I say; you might just learn something in the process.

Posted by jessica on Jul 16, 2010 with 2 Comments
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
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My pop asked me tonight if I am any good at playing pool.

To which I said, No. And you wanna know why? Because you never let me and my brothers play on our pool table for fear that we’d scratch the precious felt (well actually I said velvet, but my mom corrected me). The most we were allowed to do was roll those pool balls around (and for all the rolling of balls I did (let’s try to be mature and just let that statement go, please), you’d think that, as a result, I’d at least be better at bowling, but nope. I suck at bowling too!) and so, there’s your answer, pop: no, I am not at all good at pool because you never let me play!

And guess what’s probably not even intact anymore anyway? That dumb felt. I’m assuming it isn’t because the pool table isn’t. And what? Is felt comparable to the ivory from an elephant or something? Is it really that hard to replace? Because I am pretty sure it’s like five dollars at Joanne Fabrics. I am pretty sure every church has reams of it, just begging to be used, come those long hot days of VBS.

And after all of this, my pop smiled sheepishly and admitted, Well that probably wasn’t very good, huh?

But don’t worry pop, there are a lot worse things parents can do to their children; I remain grateful that my daddy issues revolve around felt.

But I think there is a metaphor somewhere in all this. I think that, in an attempt to keep something in perfect condition, we can sometimes keep from really trying. Or even trying at all. Sure, we can try and get hurt or scratch the felt or break our heart or feel intense disappointment, but at the end of the day wouldn’t you rather have discovered that darn! you’re really super good at pool, despite the scratches you have in the felt with which you now have to contend?

I would, anyway.

And I am really not so mad about the pool table. Though, if it’s anything like the way we took to the table that we were allowed to use–the ping-pong table–then, the Latshaw’s would now be a force to contend with in the world of pool as well as ping-pong.

And I am not saying I’d be a hustler, but at least if I were, you don’t have to worry, because it’d be COMPLETELY CO-ED! –just like the way I like my organized skinny dipping, if you didn’t know.

And I’m just kidding about that, if you didn’t know.

Anyway, yes. I’d rather risk some fallout and go after something wholeheartedly than sit and stare at a perfect and unused table. Or heart. Or dream. Or life, for that matter.

yep, this is what I thought was worth mentioning.

Posted by jessica on Oct 23, 2009 with No Comments
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am tired.

It’s late.
And I might have just spent all of my creativity on the guitar during the past few hours.
But there are a couple of things worth mentioning right now. One is that I think security check points at airports should also be equipped with something to neutralize overly strong perfume. Because who wants to be trapped in a small compartment thousands of feet above land with the latest knock-off to whatever fragrance Fergie is currently marketing? And really who believes that any of these people–Britney, Jessica Simps (as P!nk would say), J.Lo–has much to do with the actual creation of their perfumes anyway? Doesn’t that involve scientists in white lab coats who know something about formulas and the way these scents mix with those scents?
So, along with throwing away your bottle of water, making sure any liquid, gels, or other such substances are no more than three ounces and also stored securely in a plastic bag that somehow keeps everyone on the plane safe from those terrifying three ounce bottles, there should be a chamber of sorts for those who think, Only thing on my agenda today is a flight to Saskatoon–since this perfume bottle is just above 3 oz. I’ll pour the WHOLE THING on my head and make sure not a drop is confiscated at security.
But little did they know about the newest anti-terrorist policy enacted in 2009. The Perfume Neutralizer. Maybe it’s a powder, maybe it’s a hose they walk through just like you did when you were a kid and it was August and your parents didn’t have a pool either because weren’t the dogs and cats and woods and stream enough? You seriously think you need a pool, too? When I was young a piece of bread was my dessert and I played racquet ball with my dog for entertainment and now you want a pool?!?!
And just for the record mom and pop, the dogs and cats and woods and streams were totally enough. And thank you.
But whatever the actual method the Perfume Neutralizer employs, everybody breathes easily in the plane because of it.
Couldn’t it just be an addendum to the Clean Air Act? Wouldn’t that be a good kind of pork barrel spending?
Oh, and one more thing worth mentioning.
Canada is absolutely lovely but it’s dry as a bone here. And not just any bone, either. A bone that has been left out in the sun for weeks and even the marrow has dried up. Really, how do our lovely Northern neighbors even manage to keep skin over their dry bones? I put lotion on and the next moment, it’s like it never happened at all and the only reason I know for sure that it has is because my tube of Aveeno is now almost empty.
But you wouldn’t know it from my skin.
I need some moisture all up in here, folks.
Tonight I used some heavy-duty stuff provided by a friend and I am hoping it will put a dent in this dryness.
We shall see.
One last thing, promise.
We weren’t sure what kind of audience we would have tonight here in rural Saskatoon, but they blew us away. They were wonderfully and appropriately vocal and right there with us from the first moment the lights came up to our final kick line.
So there you go, Saskatoon delivers.

hello summer

Posted by jessica on May 30, 2009 with No Comments
in Uncategorized
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Okay. So even though I have to do this–eight times a week during my monologue, it’s not all bad really. I mean, there are total perks to my job. Take this week, for instance. The Alliance really picked the right place to start off this shebang. While almost the whole rest of the cast opted [...]