Let’s give thanks this weekend (and always).
in Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful one, cat ears, cliches, darth maul, evil star, fight, Jedi, kind of magic, mall, Obvi, paying attention, poor mom, prayer, scoot, sister, Speaking, star wars characters, thanksgiving morning, way, weekend, wheelchair
Here are some photos from this long and lovely weekend.
Now I know who to ask for prayer around here, I guess.
And my poor mom broke her ankle and is now either in a wheelchair or a scooter. I cracked myself up the other day when I asked her to “please scoot over,” and, realizing she’s actually ON a scooter, quickly added “literally!”
Anyway, we thought this orange mustachioed guy was funny and made her pose with him.
And, really, what’s a holiday without a little resistance from Darth Maul (Mall? Mal? Who knows?! Or, more appropriately in this case–who cares?!)?
And don’t even worry, I totally had that fight. I was actually so excited about the picture, that I wouldn’t stop looking at me in all my Jedi glory and so, not
paying attention, tried to go up the down escalator. My sister stopped me, laughed very hard at how ridiculous I looked, and then said she should have just let me try to get upstairs that way.
Speaking of my sister, she’s cute.
I mean, obvi.
Especially when she humors me by letting me sneak some cat ears on her and take her picture when I’m supposed to be simply waking her up on thanksgiving morning.
And in this case, I use the word morning very, very loosely.
And look!
Here’s a picture in which my ear looks a little pointy:
And so, it is only logical to extrapolate from this that, clearly, somewhere far back in the long and leafy branches of my family tree is an elf. Or at least a bit of magic. The kind of magic that points the ears a tad and…um…gives one the ability to fight evil star wars characters whose names you cannot spell (nor care to, let’s be honest)–but it’s just a
small bit of magic, and it really only works on high holy holidays.
Like thanksgiving.
Speaking of which, I hope you all had a beautiful one this year. There is much to be thankful for. This sounds cliche, but hey–some cliches are right on.
Like in this case.
knowledge when I’d rather not know.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful things, closets, dear god, devastation, house, innocence, kind, knowledge, landenberg pa, little heart, natural disaster, pain, pantry, Perfect, prayer, shame, story, time, utopian garden, way
The very first devastation I was introduced to occurred when I was still small. It was the realization that people I loved very much would someday die.
That was just about too much for my soft little heart to handle, and I spent many moments ducking into nearby closets and pantries (yes, my parents’ house has an actual walk-in pantry. I didn’t realize that was special until I grew up and noticed a decided lack of pantries in suburban American homes. Oh, for shame!). I’d hide away and cry and then wipe my tears and go see what was for lunch.
A usual prayer of mine was, “Dear God, if anyone in my family has to die, could you just kill all of us at once, please?” I guess I was unwittingly praying some kind of terrible natural disaster down upon landenberg, PA. Sorry about that, any of you who lived there then. The good news is that God’s answer to that particular prayer was (and is. I hope, anyway.) a decided NO.
But I think that was the first thing that stole my innocence, in a way. I stood under the shadow of that realization for a long time. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be the little girl who doesn’t know about the pain of saying good-bye again, actually.
Anyway, it kind of reminds me of another story. How two people lived in this utopian garden. Perfect. Peaceful. Until their innocence was also stolen away. By knowledge, too, believe it or not. And it makes me wonder. What if they had focused on all of the other good and beautiful things in the garden, instead?
What if.
A tantalizing little idea.
For me, the fear of what could happen becomes so present sometimes. I mean, it’s not even real–but when I focus on it, it might as well be. Because it effects me the same as if it were.
Interestingly enough, I don’t think I’ve ever felt less afraid than I do right now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m focusing on the good things in my garden, or because my garden was seemingly stripped down to nothing, so when there’s not much left anyway, we get a little more carefree.
Maybe both.
But I’m a firm believer that life is good. And I will keep telling this to my head, even when the knowledge of what could be feels overwhelming. And I will keep telling this to my friends, even as I cry with them over how harsh this world can be. Because there are some consistencies yet. The seasons continue to rise and then fade into each other; the night gets swallowed up by the day; I see this and realize that no pain lasts forever. Change comes, it does. And if it happens in the world over, then it happens to us.
It happens in us.
Cause the same one who set the world spinning and changing and rebirthing over and over again with a magic that the Phoenix knows something about–well that same creator made us.
To change and grow and heal.
time.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as course, course discipline, date, determination, Done, Faith, Got, life, life is a journey, lyric, niece, prayer, protest, relationship, time, way
I’m feeling less and less stuck every day now. How did this happen? Time. “It’s gonna take time,” they would all tell me, over and over again. When what I really wanted it to take was more hard work. Or discipline. Or writing about it. Or prayer. Or throwing myself into something–anything!–else. Or determination. Or [...]
some things I am thinking.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as breeze, breezes, city, date, different things, easy fit, fact that people, foreheads, half, home, interesting things, Jump, last time, lightening bolt, month of july, old adage, pair, portuguese, portuguese words, prayer, premarital sex, Rolling, scar, sex, skin, skirts, today, way, while
I am glad I didn’t die a year and a half ago; that is one prayer that I am grateful God decided not to grant. I would not have wanted to miss today. Did you see it? Feel it on your skin? It was like the breezes were chasing each other, and one of them [...]
whatever, sure, okay.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as apartment, bomb, bombs, born yesterday, full length mirror, Jess, kind, laughs, mirror, modeling agency, modeling agent, ponche, pop, prayer, spiritual, streeeeeeeetch, Ta-da, time, wise one
This is the kind of thing that happens when I am in an apartment all by myself. And there is a full-length mirror. And then I practice my ponche. That’s pronounced PAHNSHAY. It’s French. Oh-so-fancy. I’m French, too. But I am not so fancy. Now, my pop has been bothering me about something lately. And no, [...]
drunkard’s prayer tonight.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as blonde hair, Drunkard, girl, haircuts, happiness, jesus loves, kind, kind of prayer, mind, nothing but water, overwhelming lack, peace and contentment, place, pray, prayer, Rhine, song, tonight, way, wonder
There is a song by Over the Rhine called Drunkard’s Prayer. I’d like to pray that kind of prayer right now, if you don’t mind. And no, I’ve drunk nothing but water over the past forever, I think, but I am feeling a bit intoxicated, anyway. I am feeling sad and I am trying to [...]
hardy har har.
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as bursts of laughter, god questions, har, knee slapper, peace in my heart, prayer, study, talking about prayer, therapist, Voice
When I talk to my therapist, I often preface something I am about to say with, This probably sounds crazy…” And then I say whatever it is I am saying. And then she promptly disagrees with me. In fact, she has not told me that I am crazy once. Not even when I told her [...]
