First page of the purchase archive.

let it be.

Posted by jessica on Dec 11, 2011 with 4 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
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Someone once told me something about New York City. “It’s a great suitor,” she said. “The city will never let you down, never stand you up, and is always interesting.”

And I have found this to be spot-on.

The other day, I didn’t have anything particularly pressing to do. So I just got on the subway and went. I wanted a bookstore, which I ended up finding in the West Village. I sat in the store and read. I closed my eyes and let myself be. It was wonderful; I was content.

Then I wandered around in some shops and found some pieces to try on. I am strange in the fact that I genuinely enjoy trying clothes on that I have no real intention of buying. Except for a pair of floral leggings. Those, I kind of suspected might end up being a purchase as soon as I saw the bright orange and yellow blooms. You try to resist bright blooming leggings. That are way on sale. And so, so soft. Nigh impossible for even the strongest among us, I think.

Someone else told me something about myself once, while discussing my present choice to be single. “Spend some time with yourself,” he said. “You’re worth getting to know.”

And getting to know oneself can happen anywhere, but it’s especially fun in New York, lately. And yes, I just said fun. Cause that’s what I’m having sometimes: good, old-fashioned fun.

You know what else? I went to a party today. It was the kind of social situation that sometimes leaves me feeling like bolting for the door. It’s not that every last one of the people at this party was not the kindest of souls–no, it has more to do with feeling a little displaced at times. But, the thing is, today was different. Dare I mention the F word again? But it was, guys. It was fun. So fun, in fact, that I stayed longer than I intended and finally made myself leave, dragging my feet the whole time.

Lovely.

Change comes slower than you want and faster than you think, all at once. Change comes at just the right time, I think. It will not be rushed and it will not be stopped and I’m grateful to see that it hasn’t given up on me.

my bad.

Posted by jessica on Feb 18, 2010 with 10 Comments
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
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Drew called me tonight, upset that I spent $225 on the eye doctor.

I tried to explain to him that I’ve never been to an eye doctor in my life, and I certainly didn’t decide to start this week with a sentimental visit to his eye doctor.

He apologized for the misunderstanding.

I hope he enjoyed the appointment.

Or that he gets the money back if there was actually no appointment at all.

But this reminds me of something.

Just a few days after the whole truth of the matter came out, my brother Jason had flown in to be with me from California and had convinced me to come back with him to try to heal a little with Latshaw-WEST. So, I bought my roundtrip flight and that was that.

Until I looked at the bank statement just a few hours later.

And saw a huge purchase that had been made–but not in the same exact amount I had just spent for my flight.

So I called my bank.

Asked them what that purchase was.

Sure enough, it was a flight. And the teller said it involved Florida.

Jase, I mouthed to him while still on the phone, Drew’s skipping town. Going to Florida!

So I got off the phone with the bank and immediately Jason called Drew and confronted him.

Drew had no idea what Jase was talking about and I didn’t know whether I should believe him or not. Jase grilled him, though, and Drew didn’t budge. So, I called the bank again.

Got the same teller, told him that he must think I’m crazy, but I really needed to get to the bottom of this large purchase. He looked a little deeper into it and finally said, Miss Latshaw?

Yes, I affirmed.

Looks like the purchase was made with your actual debit card, he announced.

Oh really? You can tell? With no uncertainty? I made sure.

Without a doubt, He confirmed.

And there I was with egg on my face. I had my brother call Drew back right away, and listened as he quickly explained that he was off the hook.

So who made the purchase? Drew asked.

Jessica did, Jase explained, Just a little while ago.

And that was the time when I bought a round trip flight, saw the purchase show up in my back account, made my brother call Drew and accuse him for it, and then finally was made to realize that the purchase had been mine all along.

Duh.

In my defense, I had recently found out the most horrible news I couldn’t have even imagined. Seriously. I had at times imagined Drew’s death and quickly teared up, the thought was so terrifying. I had no idea to be afraid of anything worse.

Turns out Anything Worse came. And yes, it was the movie, The Ring, whereas my older, more innocent fears were the good old, soft and round Teletubbies, albeit pretty creepy in their own right.

But still, Jason and I still laugh about that one today. Just did tonight, in fact.