Posted by jessica on Jul 4, 2011 with
9 Comments
in
Thoughts and Feelings
as
analogy,
appendages,
bout,
COME,
date,
everyone,
everything,
fall,
fine,
first date,
hand,
History,
holding hands,
Jess,
nope,
otter,
otters,
otters hold hands,
party,
point,
Rat,
river,
sea otter,
sell,
sleep,
snake,
Snakes,
someone,
sound,
spiders,
wake
You probably already know this, but I’m a little late to the party.
The party where everyone knows that otters hold hands while they sleep so as not to drift away from each other.
Best party ever.
I mean, have you seen otters?
Already adorable.
They have that down.
But otters holding hands?
COME ON.
Otters win, why do I even try?
Even if I managed to convince someone to float down a river with me and fall asleep while doing so (which is a pretty hard sell, I think), and also hold my hand (sounds like an awesome first date, though)–
Well, I still wouldn’t be as adorable as an otter doing all of the above.
And judging from my history, I’d probably fall asleep thinking I was holding hands with an otter and wake up holding hands with a snake.
No, Jess! Impossible! Snakes have no hands.
Good point.
How bout a spider?
Could I wake up holding hands with a spider in this analogy based on my history?
Hmmm. Spiders definitely have appendages, so you’re at least closer, but they don’t have actual hands, so nope. Still impossible.
Fine.
I guess my point is just that not everything that looks like a sea otter is a sea otter.
Like, sometimes a sea otter is a rat?
Precisely.
Which is when you abruptly stop holding its hand.
And then you wait till a real otter comes along.
Sure, if you say so.
I say so.
And then I hold his hand and we don’t drift away?
Right.
Not even when the current gets rough and the water feels cold?
Not even then.
Okay, cool. And thanks.
No problem. You should come to Parties Where Everyone Knows Otters Hold Hands While Sleeping so as Not to Drift Away From Each Other more often.
Oh, I totally plan on it.
Posted by jessica on Jun 27, 2009 with
No Comments
in
Funny Stuff,
Thoughts and Feelings
as
Amos,
chain,
chain link fence,
Deanna,
Emily,
fence,
fence river,
God,
humor,
link,
Madeline Albright,
perfect conversation,
period,
ridiculous ideas,
river,
Rosa Parks,
strength,
sweet strains,
walk,
women
The sweet strains of Japanese are serenading me right now as my roommate faithfully practices the language of the land which we are visiting at the end of the summer.
She now knows how to say, An adult woman is swimming, which will be a perfect conversation starter at the stage door, I am sure.
I mean, really, there’s got to be an adult woman swimming somewhere in the world at that moment, even if it isn’t exactly pertinent to the situation at hand.
I am feeling content with my thorough knowledge of the word, konichiwa.
That means hello, as you probably already know.
I plan on saying that a lot.
And when they ask me if I’ve had Japanese lessons, I will simply and modestly say no–self-taught, actually. And then I will take a sniff and mention something about how languages are just intuitive with some people.
As is the need to rise to a challenge.
To scale any wall.
And I don’t mean that metaphorically, at least not tonight.
See, three of us are walking home tonight and on a whim decide to take the river walk to get there. It’s just lovely here and who doesn’t want to see the moon reflecting on the water as much as possible?
That’s what I thought.
Anyway, we start on the river walk and much to our chagrin see that it has been closed off with a chain link fence, due to some sort of construction or other such nonsense.
We probably would have just taken the two block detour and veered away from the river walk had it not been for the two heckling men that were sitting by the chain link fence.
River walk’s closed, ladies, the one guy seems only too happy to report to us.
Yep, you’re gonna have to go around, guy number two says, I mean, whatcha gonna do–scale that fence in those pretty dresses?
And with that they both share an extremely long and generous laugh at what, to them, must seem like the most preposterous and ridiculous idea ever swapped between two men in the history of manly idea swapping.
And I am pretty sure there have been a fair share of ridiculous ideas swapped.
Just saying.
We don’t need to say anything, really, their laugh having sealed the deal.
With resolution in our steps, we walk up those stairs and right up to the chain link fence. Like a good team, we work together.
Deanna stands directly behind me, blocking the men’s view, should my dress lift a little too much as I am the first to scale the fence. With the river on my right and chain link on my left, I loop a leg over the fence. As I swing my body over it I glimpse one of the guys in the peanut gallery with his camera poised at me.
Perfect.
Hopefully he has a blog.
We pass bags for each other to hold and link arms as, one after the other, all three of us safely make it across.
We are Superwoman, Madeline Albright, and Rosa Parks all at once.
We take a few paces feeling quite proud of ourselves, laughing and savoring the moment as we leave those hecklers behind when suddenly we come upon an even bigger chain link fence.
Shoot.
Turning back is not an option.
Not with Thing 1 and Thing 2 back there; not with their camera and not with their laughter.
Again, we walk up to it, determined to make this thing work.
Thank God we are dancers. There is a hole, a tiny space between the chain link fence and the railing and one by one, we shimmy through, passing bags and grabbing hands.
We come through as women victorious. We wear dresses and climb fences.
And oh yeah, we get our periods.
Which is why I sent this text to my friend Emily today:
So I got my period at the beach today
and I fully blame you, my friend. Thanks
for dragging me into your lunar cycle;
really appreciate it…
After a few moments, I hadn’t gotten any texts back from her, which surprised me a little.
Finally my phone lit up with a text and I looked down to see this from Amos:
With all due respect…I don’t get a period so bugger off!!!
Oops!!!!
