do what you do.

I’m waiting to get my hair done. And I’m thinking about life and I’m wondering about so many things.

It’s strange how there are so many possibilities. It’s a hard sort of dance to perfect; it’s like some sort of counterpoint that, I suppose, keeps things interesting, if nothing else. Because there’s the pulse, the tempo that shouldn’t change, right? It’s hope. It’s bright. It’s trust. But then there’s the melody that flits over it and it never seems to wanna do the same pattern of notes twice. It wanders and it feels like a thing that is hardly in my control and yet, it’s the sound of my life and I cannot help but wonder what it will sound like tomorrow.

Sometimes this terrifies me; sometimes I love this.

Because here we go, back to possibilities. And maybe, just maybe, the sound will be more beautiful than I could have imagined. I like this thought. I think I will build a little house here, wash my clothes and let them dry in these breezes. And I’ll wear them and feel clean and then my heart will be wearing these kind, hopeful thoughts and I will be clean.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend about the possibility of getting another job. A real job again. There’s a sense of relief that comes with that thought. And something could be on it’s way or, like a lot of things, it could just be another case of thankyoubutnothankyou. At which point he said, “then something better will come along.” And that’s the kind of thing I tell a lot of people, but man, I need to hear it for myself.

Because it’s true.
But like I said, it’s a hard dance to perfect–dreaming and hoping in the face of not knowing what the heck is really around that corner.

But continueing, always, to believe that if it’s not this, then it’s something better.

And it’s my job to keep building my house in a safe place. One where hope fills my mind and trust fills my heart and come on, Jessica, keep doing the things you love; you keep trying to do it well and then you look at those corners and it’s okay to wonder what’s waiting for you. It’s even okay to feel afraid. But what’s not okay is to stop. You keep walking and wait and see, cause sometimes what’s waiting for you is the best kind of surprise but you’ll only ever see it if you keep walking.